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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

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Posted

Katiya Damodred

Initiate

Posts: 12

(12/18/01 8:00:52 pm)

Reply Something different

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I thought I'd lay this on yall. Every year I write a Christmas poem for my friends instead of giving cards, and my Dad and his girlfriend both thought this year's was good enough for publication. I thought I'd run it by the Pen to see what you guys thought before I even thought about publication seriously. I'd appreciate feedback, especially on the possible publication. Thanks a million!

 

 

Thank Your Friends

 

One day when I was lonely,

I prayed to God above,

I said, “Dear Heavenly Father,

“Please send me someone to love.

“Someone who’ll be with me,

“No matter what happens and when,

“This is all I ask for, God,

“It’s all I want you to send.”

God must have heard my prayer that day,

For very soon he sent,

A group of people I know and love,

The people I know as my friends.

One night before I went to bed,

I asked God secretly,

“Did you send these people God?

“Did you send them to me?”

In a dream he answered me,

He said “My darling child,

“These friends of yours are angels.

“I sent them to make you smile.

“You probably don’t remember it,

“But you were an angel too.

“And just as you ask for them,

“Someone once asked for you.

“I sent you down to make a friend,

“To be a friend that’s true.

“And now that you ask for them,

“I’m sending them to you.”

”Father thank you!” I cried in joy

And just before he went,

He turned and smiled at me and said,

“Don’t thank me,

“Thank your friends.”

 

 

Image by FlamingText.com

Posted

peredhil31

Elder of Lists and Manners

Posts: 722

(12/19/01 5:02:50 am)

Reply

ezSupporter

Marketing, eh?

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I think it would probably sell...

 

At the least, submit it to Poetry.com and get it published. It's a fine feeling to have your name in print.

 

Very nicely done. When I read it out-loud though, sometimes the meter feels forced, as though the rhythm jumped a half-syllable off. Is it me (likely) or does anyone else have that problem?

 

-Peredhil

Posted

Gyrfalcon25

Bard

Posts: 130

(12/19/01 11:27:35 pm)

Reply Re: Something different

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I think this is very good, Katiya- it has depth and feelings, and having this sent at someone would make them feel good. =)

 

Granted, religious things and prayer aren't my cup of tea, but very good. =)

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