Archive Posted January 30, 2003 Report Posted January 30, 2003 Balladore Page Posts: 15 (12/24/01 10:04:16 pm) Reply In true Balladoriac fashion... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I shall create another project before having finished the other two. This is not to continue... just a "venting" so to speak. So, if you have problems with emotions flaring, and reference to drastic actions, hit the little "back" button on your web toolbar. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Have you ever died? I have, twice. The first was just that, literally, I died. As a child, I loved the water... I was enchanted by it, and yet I had never swam. One day, I dove into the lake... not literally, I couldn't dive, but I jumped in. I couldn't swim, and by the time My parents found me, the water had filled my lungs. Luckily, there was a hospital nearby, and they rushed me to emergency. By the time I got there, I had been dead a few seconds... they revived me. I died, and lived. I would rather experience that then what I have recently. Yes, I seem alright. But I act. "All the World's a stage"... how true that is. I pretend to be alright... but I'm not. Inside me there is this amazing void... like I have a huge hole ripped out of me where my heart was, and it will never be filled again. Ever. I will be forever alone, until the end of my days... and that's something to think about. Why did this happen to me? Anyone? I want to know why, and I want to know now. If there is a compassionate, loving god out there, why on earth would he rip them away from me? It makes me think of a song that's on the country radio (shut up, country haters): Sometimes I wake up crying at night And sometimes, I scream out your name. What right does he have to take your heart away When for so long, you were mine... It's a bit altered, but who gives a care? I don't know what I think... The only way I get by is by taking each day as that one day to survive... all I have to do is get through today, and it's over... And then I do it again tomorrow. I can't kill myself... I've tried. I can't do it. I don't know what I want from you people... assuming you've read this, of course. I don't want you all to think that I don't appreciate your help... you've been amazing, and I want you all to know that I couldn't have done this without you... especially someone who knows who she is... I do care for you, and you're helping me more than you'll ever know... So, there's my venting/whining/whatever.
Archive Posted January 30, 2003 Author Report Posted January 30, 2003 peredhil31 Elder of Lists and Manners Posts: 742 (12/25/01 11:32:56 am) Reply ezSupporter Re: In true Peredhil fashion... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Peredhil holds Balladore, knowing he can't truly understand because he hasn't been there, but wanting to let B' know he cares anyway. There aren't words, and I'm supposed to be a word-smith. On another note, I'll repeat what my sister told me when here husband had a heart-attack and died (without any warnings) this spring. I asked her if she was angry that God had taken him. She looked at me as if I were a loon and replied that it quite clearly stated the Devil was the one who killed, not God. She reserved her anger for the appropriate target. Knowing her, I would not like to be the vent for her determination. But that's her, not you, and I'm rambling because I wish I could help you somehow, and find myself helpless to do so. If you want a home-cooked meal - we live in the same geographical area... Elrond Peredhil, 31 (Law D. Wilson)
Archive Posted January 30, 2003 Author Report Posted January 30, 2003 Foe Calibur Page Posts: 24 (12/25/01 6:13:36 pm) Reply Re: In true Peredhil fashion... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Though words may mean little when the actions taken are so much more dire, I shall state them anyways. I know life may be the worst oppressor of its own free will, but it is also the bringer of the free will you have. Like Peredhil, I have not been in your situation, so I will never truly understand, but I have had friends in situations much the same. One thing I told them was that you always have to take the good with the bad, or the bad with the good, as it may be, and that there's always tomorrow. To look at the entire picture. Don't get clouded by the strom, no matter how massive, somewhere on the world it will be sunny. And finnally, and most importantly, in my eyes, there is far too much to live for and far too little to die for. I don't expect things will change instantly, infact I know not whether they will at all, but if you ever need a friend you have found one in me
Archive Posted January 30, 2003 Author Report Posted January 30, 2003 Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 141 (12/25/01 11:42:27 pm) Reply Re: In true Peredhil fashion... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Likewise, I have no words of wisdom, no insight into your situation. I only have these poor words as my statement. I'm sorrowed at your pain, and I wish I could take it away, I hope you find something/one/way to ease that ache of lonliness. ...I'm afraid I can't offer much beyond repeating what Peredhil and Foe have repeated before me, so my last statement is this: We see each other on IRC a lot... if you ever feel the need, you can talk to my privately and unburden yourself. I might not be able to understand totally what you feel, but I'm someone you can talk to.
Archive Posted January 30, 2003 Author Report Posted January 30, 2003 Ozymandias the Elder The Founder Posts: 177 (12/26/01 12:23:45 am) Reply Re: In true Peredhil fashion... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- They're not alone in this. Neither are you.
Archive Posted January 30, 2003 Author Report Posted January 30, 2003 Jechum LoreMaster Posts: 229 (12/31/01 1:07:44 am) Reply Re: In true Balladoriac fashion... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There is no magic and they say time heals all wounds. Well time doesn’t feel the pain and things that seem to work like magic cause more pain. ” Why did this happen to me? Anyone? I want to know why, and I want to know now. If there is a compassionate, loving god out there, why on earth would he rip them away from me?” I believe no one can answer these questions for you; the answers must come from within yourself. It is my belief that there is a compassionate and loving God out there, who gave us free will for both good and bad. I also believe in the existence of an active envious spirit that hates man, who actively works in trying to separate us from God. The advice I strongly recommend is seek a professional counselor, watch out for magic fixes and take time to mourn. You have come to one of the major turning points in your life. The question is will you let this tragedy destroy you or create you. It is totally up to you what road you take from here. Chris Jechum Newbie, Mage of Shadows the Pen is Mightier than the Sword - Lore Master
Archive Posted January 30, 2003 Author Report Posted January 30, 2003 Bhurin Initiate Posts: 12 (12/31/01 1:45:35 am) Reply Dear Ballador -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ballador There is nothing that I can say without it sounding both superficial and repeated. But I just wished to share with you that, though I have known you only a short length (days, in fact, at the time of this writing) I know you to be a good person. Without drawing from your work, or your role playing on chat, I can honestly say that. Apart from that, I only have a truth to which I believe in to share. "Joy that is shared is doubled. Sorrow that is shared is halved." My eyes and ears are open, as I know many others' are, should you ever need them. Please be well, and know of all who care for you.
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