Ozymandias Posted January 27, 2003 Report Posted January 27, 2003 When I look at you, what do you see? The fear, The anger, The anxiety look back at me. When I look at you, what do you see? The lies, The tears, The fist flailing impotently. When I look at you, what do you see? The light's all shining on me, sometimes I can barely see, for the joy, the kindness, the courage, the tenacity. When I look at you, what do you see?
Justin Silverblade Posted January 27, 2003 Report Posted January 27, 2003 (edited) A thoughtful, powerful, and inciteful (sp?) poem, is what I see. Very nice Ozymandias, thanks for sharing. - Justin Edited January 27, 2003 by Justin Silverblade
Rune Posted January 27, 2003 Report Posted January 27, 2003 Rune totters into the area where Ozymandias is presenting. She beams a smile at the stranger and then listens as he reads through what he has written. After he is done and finishes conversing with the rest of the audience, she walks towards him and does her best to be noticed. Being rather small, it takes quite a bit of jumping and arm waving. Getting his attention she thanks him for sharing his poem and hopes that he plans to stick around a bit longer. I like the simplicity most of all. It points out something that I personally am always afraid to consider..that someone might be able to see what I'm trying to hide when we are face to face. I also like the subtle word change. When i first read it, I thought it said "When I look at you, what do -I- see?" so I read it as though it were talking about someone else (which of course let me delve into all the negative things I see with them). When I re-read it to add a comment..I realized it said "When I look at you, what do you see?" and it hit home pretty effectively (since I had thought of all those negative things). Great job.
Cyril Darkcloud Posted January 28, 2003 Report Posted January 28, 2003 When I read your words what do I see? Just the wit, the insight and the creativity of one whose return to posting here is a very good thing. Nicely structured, especially with the variance you use in the 3rd stanza. The contrast between the narrator’s act of looking and the interlocutor’s seeing is a nice touch and works well in a poem of this length. Well-crafted and enjoyable.
Gwaihir Posted January 29, 2003 Report Posted January 29, 2003 I too, read this poem once through thinking it said "what do I see" I think it's interestign the way you almost invite us to see it that way. We expect human greed, and anger, so it's all the more impressive to see restraint, and a kind of shame. Cool poem
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