Titleless

[Blondemoon]

will you ever hear

my lonely cry

will you ever touch

my lonely mind

 

inside I feel so hollow

merely an empty shell

feeling half alive

this is simply hell

 

now I look around

and I wonder

with my inner turmoil

what it is that keeps me here

 

sometimes at night

as I ready for bed

taking the pills

that keep the pain from my head

 

I suddenly stop

and find myself thinking

of what it would take

to sever the thread.

 

 

I actually wrote a little more to it last night, but I'm venot happy with it. It doesn't really fit. I think I lost my steam.

Edited January 23, 2003 by Blondemoon

[Rune]

taking the pills

that keeps pain from my head

 

Should that be keeps? or keep? Ive never been good with grammer.

 

Good poem, I think it ends alright if you do not feel comfortable adding the rest..although you could post it, we wont bite.

[Degenero Angelus]

It depends on what the 'that' is. If it's the action of taking the pills, it's keeps, if it's the pills, it's keep.

 

Very good stuff, Blondemoon

[Blondemoon]

hmmm...good question. since I've added the 'the' that I was thinking about, I'm not sure if it would be keeps or keep. so many years since I've had to think about grammar.

And I'll ponder on posting the rest of it. I know you all (yes, I said you all ) don't bite...although I do wonder about some of you.

[Degenero Angelus]

Hey now. You've known me long enough to know I bite at every opportunity.

[Rune]

seems like it would be..

 

taking the pill, that keeps pain from my head... or

 

taking the pills, that keep pain from my head...

 

granted ive always been horrible at [edit]er grammer, not english..i should be ok at english considering its what i speak[/edit]

Edited January 24, 2003 by Rune