lordsmeagol Posted January 23, 2003 Report Posted January 23, 2003 The alley smelled moldy, like a wet dog, And shoes splashed in small puddles that filled the holes in the street. As a man walked to the door in the back of the alley, He looked up. An old rotted wood sign hung over the door. The sign looked burnt: The paint had mostly fallen off, And only a few letters were visible--- D, E, N, A, T, and an H. The man rembered when the sign was new, Pure white with red letters spelling "SMITH AND SON, DENTAL HEALTH." A flash of brilliant white light Exploded with a thunder clap. A gun. A sound of horror. The man by the doorway dropped. A chip of paint fell from the sign; The letters that were left spelled DEATH.
Peredhil Posted January 23, 2003 Report Posted January 23, 2003 I liked it then, I like it now It's easier to read for me somehow Could be my short attention span could be it's completed encapsulated old man. S'good. -P
Rune Posted January 23, 2003 Report Posted January 23, 2003 They are both really good. I think the general feel of the subject works better in the paragraph form (of the other thread) in all honesty.. but this one is great as well. When looking back, which one do you prefer?
lordsmeagol Posted January 23, 2003 Author Report Posted January 23, 2003 Looking back I am a little saddened. This version was not the original. The original was chopped up by an English teacher, to the form it is now. I remember the original having more meat and gristle to it though, on the point of which I like best. That is a hard choice for me. Any of my writings, for I put my self into especially the emotional level. That is one of the reasons I evolved the original. On the topic of making the other one into a full blown story. i must say that is a very good posablity due to the praise i have recived . thank you all .
Rune Posted January 23, 2003 Report Posted January 23, 2003 Alot of english teachers will do that. They feel that there is a text book version of creativity that needs to be followed and they allow that guideline to mold their students into non imaginative robots. Its too bad the original does not exisit anywhere as it was. Would be neat to read it. As for the story, I cant wait! *paces* (and yes, there is alot of spelling errors in this comment..they are.. ummm... symbolic, yeah thats it.)
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