Rune Posted January 20, 2003 Report Posted January 20, 2003 (edited) Reposting this because it was kind of wierd in the transfer. The winds of Change. A short reflection on life. Standing here alone I think of my childhood. I remember being born. Not born in the traditional sense but feeling alive for the first time. That summer was spent as a true figure among the animals. I was around 15 years of age and had been given the chance to volunteer at a local horse ranch. Having never spent more than a few moments around a horse except at a local farm faire, the prospect of spending an entire summer with them was intriguing. I spent some days rounding up stray goats. Their primal calls would whistle through the wind as I chased them around playfully. The youngest ones would chase back. Their tiny blunt horns would collide with my kneecaps hard enough to force me off my feet but not injure anything in the slightest. As I toppled onto the ground they would prance around as though announcing to the world that they had just brought down the most fearsome of creatures. I would fall backwards into the grassy slope giggling at their mischief and marveling at the world around me. I could feel the touch of each individual blade of grass as it caressed my skin. The warmth of the sun on my face was unrivaled by the sheer radiance illuminating from my smile. The world had no boundaries and as vast as it was, it was not scary, but rather comforting to know that I was part of something much greater. I remember escaping the overbearing pressure of political ratings among the public education system and the dread of monetary submission for supplies needed to survive. The cares of a world driven by science had disappeared. All that mattered was my ability to grasp every waking moment from that day and use it for what it was worth. Those days felt as though time had slowed down to roll in the grass me. I was free then. Free to make the decisions that would mold my future into what I am living now. Free to determine my fate and adjust my sails accordingly. The ability to correct mistakes without retribution and write them off as challenges once lived. Those times are long gone and I can no longer spend an entire day enjoying the moments in singular progression. Each waking moment is filled with the pressure of ensuring that all goes exactly as planned. Peaceful moments no longer exist. Even in the dead of night my mind is filled with doubts of the future and memories of mistakes long past. Moments of joy are often counteracted with regrets of how that moment came to be and what was sacrificed in return. The days are now a blur, undefined in their meaning and yet painfully rigid because of a schedule kept in an electronic matrix. I now have a certain paranoia of the size of the universe and the concept of being only a small piece of it frightens me beyond recognition. Instead of looking at the benefits of being part of a larger collective, I fear being overpowered because I am part of such a small portion. The grass that I once enjoyed as a youth has been dug up and replaced with a concrete parking lot. The goats that were so victorious in their prime have long since been buried and forgotten. The sun no longer shines here, instead the weather appears to mimic the constant nagging feeling of self doubt that is often found in my eyes. And although I do still smile, it appears to be a hollow representation of my soul. A constant reminder of what society wishes out of a healthy human being but not a true exhibition of my inner self. And I wonder where I went wrong and why this fate has come to pass. And whether or not I will be strong enough to serve out my sentence before the judgment is finally given and my world ceases to exist. Edited June 4, 2003 by Rune
Peredhil Posted January 20, 2003 Report Posted January 20, 2003 Wow. I can see the goats and feel the grass. Brings back memories. The contrast with the end is even more shocking given the picture of happiness that came before. I think most adults fighting the meaningless of the Rat Race can find an echo of understanding in your closing paragraph. In my experience, the only meaning is in helping others grow into what they can be - not into self or society's expectations. Hang in there. Good work! We do not write because we want to; we write because we have to. W. Somerset Maugham
jonathan_wolfe Posted January 20, 2003 Report Posted January 20, 2003 Make this lady a member... now! This is really good stuff, a thought back to old days and a cry from hell. Jonathan gives Rune a space in his forest settlement for Rune to come to and get some peace and quiet from time to time Hope you can smile for real someday.
Rune Posted January 20, 2003 Author Report Posted January 20, 2003 Ooo Forest retreat. My kinda place.. I always wondered if you could actually swing from vines like they do in those teley pictures. *ponders*
jonathan_wolfe Posted January 20, 2003 Report Posted January 20, 2003 Alas no. But that didn't stop Gyrfalcon from trying. Never forget that... yup. I think he still has nightmares from that experince.
Rune Posted January 20, 2003 Author Report Posted January 20, 2003 hmm, maybe he is missing the part elf that makes him agile? *chuckles*
jonathan_wolfe Posted January 20, 2003 Report Posted January 20, 2003 It's not so much that as... There aren't any vines within a few thousand miles of this place.
Rune Posted January 20, 2003 Author Report Posted January 20, 2003 aww, whats a forest retreat without vines? Or maybe thats jungle.
jonathan_wolfe Posted January 20, 2003 Report Posted January 20, 2003 Up hare in Ca-nee-da, thar ain' sucha thing as ar viney swinger doodle.
Gyrfalcon Posted January 20, 2003 Report Posted January 20, 2003 Ah yes.... that was more then... interesting. And for everyone's information, I was not swinging from the vines because I *wanted* to, I was swinging from them because someone pushed me out of the tree. *glances at Jonathan* How was I supposed to know that the first thing I caught was a giant snake's tail? Or the next thing was a panther's tail? Ah well, all's well that ends well.... the panther ate the sneak and went away to sleep off his meal. I will note that I do still wake up screaming every so often, imaginging that I'm falling forever, clutching a snake's tail in one hand and a panther's tail (with the attached and angry panther) in the other. The half-elf shudders. (And no, *don't* ask how a snake and a panther made it into a northern forest retreat. To this day, I don't know either.)
Rune Posted January 20, 2003 Author Report Posted January 20, 2003 Rune boggles at Gyrfalcon. I dont think i'd want to be on the angry end of either one of those animals.
Gwaihir Posted January 21, 2003 Report Posted January 21, 2003 Which end gets angry when you pull on it's tail?
Rune Posted January 21, 2003 Author Report Posted January 21, 2003 ack! Ok thats just a bad mental picture.
Gyrfalcon Posted January 21, 2003 Report Posted January 21, 2003 Which end gets angry when you pull on it's tail? Well, in the snake's case, just the front end, where the poisonous fangs are. In the panther's case, everything did. Tail puffed, hind legs trying to claw me, trying to turn around so it can do more damage with its front legs and teeth... lets just say that I burned all my 'good ranger' karma getting it to calm down.
Impostor Posted January 22, 2003 Report Posted January 22, 2003 that reminds me pf a stupid joke: A man is taking a guided zoo tour Guide: And this here, straight from the lab, our newest creature, the one we're most proud of, the liodile - the head of a lion on one side, the head of a crocodile on the other Man: wow, that's impressive. But how does it, you know? Guide: Well, you see, that's why it's so ferocious. Impostor never been to Chicago at night
Falcon2001 Posted January 22, 2003 Report Posted January 22, 2003 I would like to state that I did NOT plant that panther and/or snake. It was all coincidence. I was up in the tree at the time watching the stars...err...with two large animal boxes...for...shelter...yeah.
Gyrfalcon Posted January 23, 2003 Report Posted January 23, 2003 Of course, Falcon, we believe you... That night... Falcon yawned, but smiled as well- Gyrfalcon had bought his excuse, despite how flimsy it was! What a sucker he was. It was only when he opened the door to his room, did he realize that the half-elf might have been plotting revenge.
reverie Posted January 24, 2003 Report Posted January 24, 2003 hmm... nice thoughts rune... reminds me of a talk i was having with my brother the other day... We were in DC, dicussing how to be happy n'stuff...Pretty much he told, that lifes a lot easier and more enjoyable if you learn to harness this stuff called esoteric wisdom... development your spirtality and whatnot... plus it give you a lot of power, just don't abuse it... I told him, "sounds good, i'll figure it out..." but he said it not something ya just figure out... oh well... life goes on... nice thoughts though... revery the dreamlost "turn, turn, turn"(byrds) the dream continues...
Rune Posted January 24, 2003 Author Report Posted January 24, 2003 (edited) Thanks reverie. And yeah I think I can understand what your brother ment. Kinda funny tho, I imagine 2 people walking down the road and one guy breaking out into a very long and detailed outlook on life where he talks for about an hour or two while the other remains silent..until the very end in which the silent one says "sounds good, i'll figure it out..." followed by a long pause and a look of bewilderment on the other guys face. Not sayin thats you, just the mental picture I got from your response. hehe. [edit] darn grammer [/edit] Edited January 24, 2003 by Rune
Archaneus Posted February 16, 2003 Report Posted February 16, 2003 I really enjoyed this. It was perfectly vivid, and it had a good idea to it. Great job Rune.
reverie Posted February 16, 2003 Report Posted February 16, 2003 (edited) hey... rune looking back... that scene you pictured my brother and me in... well it was pretty accurate description, except we ended up in a restaurant... oh you just reminded me another converstation i had with my brother... He trying to convince my roomate the to read the Tao Te Ching... And he went on and on about how deep it is... and How it's a lazy person's way to mediate 'cause you just have to read a few verses a day then reflect on it's impact... He also said it was so involved that it was impossible to read all at once... Where I interjected, "really? I just read it straight through... you mean I did it wrong?" My older brother came back, "What do you mean you read it straight through?" Then he turned all reflective and said, "Man, am I that screwed up?" We all just laughed... revery the dreamlost "Let me in, let me drown, or learn how to swim..."(wallflowers) the dream continues... Edited February 16, 2003 by reverie
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