jonathan_wolfe Posted January 19, 2003 Report Posted January 19, 2003 The windows, blinded cars goes by, whistle-whoosh of the wet road no sky, no blue blue sky gray... murky blue, wet... inside, warm.. too warm.. turn the heat down lighting yellow, still alone. dry, swallow... rain
Falcon2001 Posted January 19, 2003 Report Posted January 19, 2003 Man I wish I could write like this. I mean, I can write, but not short and powerful like this.
Justin Silverblade Posted January 19, 2003 Report Posted January 19, 2003 VERY artistic feeling, and you make it look very easy - which we all know isn't so, a great lot of the time Good work, and thanks for sharing, Jonathan. - Justin
jonathan_wolfe Posted January 19, 2003 Author Report Posted January 19, 2003 I guess I should finally pipe up and thank everyone for their comments. If I could get someone to pick apart these poems analytically, it would be vastly appreciated... I get the feeling I have no idea what the hell I'm thowing onto the paper... I'm going to start calling it "Stream of Consciousness" poetry... This is your Brain on Jonathan. There is definitely a -lot- more to come, I'm far from finished yet.
Rune Posted January 20, 2003 Report Posted January 20, 2003 Sometimes its really easy to put alot of punch into a short verse and its very effective. Other times it can leave the reader lost (in my opinion) because they have to fill in the blanks to the point where they are controlling the poem. This one works short and powerful. It creates an image clearly where I can fill in the blanks with that image as a guideline. As for not knowing what you throw on paper, I think your poems are great. The more practice you put into them the more they will improve over time based on your confidence. Its sort of similiar to learning to draw a circle. Your first circle and your 2000th circle might look the same, but in your mind the final one is much more perfect because you are concious of the time and effort you put into it. Your confidence will shine through in your writing.. be proud of yourself.
Cyril Darkcloud Posted January 21, 2003 Report Posted January 21, 2003 Jonathan, I’ve spent a bit of time reading the poetry you’ve shared on the boards the last couple days and I must say that I find this to be your strongest piece. This is not to say I find the others weak, but rather that on both structural as well as thematic levels I find a cohesiveness about this poem that is particularly striking. I’ll post my thoughts on this in more detail in the Critics Corner sometime during the next couple days, but I wanted to at the very least convey my appreciation of this particular work sooner rather than later. Thanks for a very enjoyable read!
jonathan_wolfe Posted January 21, 2003 Author Report Posted January 21, 2003 I understand your comments, Some of my poems (Like Sideways) don't quite get there as well as this one. They're good, but I like this one the best... inspired by? Well me sitting inside my hot apartment while it's cold and wet outside.
Cyril Darkcloud Posted January 29, 2003 Report Posted January 29, 2003 Jonathan, it's taken me a bit longer than I had originally thought, but I finally managed to post a more detailed attempt at analysis of your poem in the Critics Corner. I'm hardly a professional, so take my thoughts simply as the reflections of an interested reader.
jonathan_wolfe Posted January 30, 2003 Author Report Posted January 30, 2003 Cyril, your comments were deeply appreciated, I haven't had one of my poems laid out this well since I bounced things of off Bhurin in the old days. Thank you kindly. Back to the grind. (I just had to use this. )
Cyril Darkcloud Posted January 30, 2003 Report Posted January 30, 2003 (edited) Sometimes its really easy to put alot of punch into a short verse and its very effective. Other times it can leave the reader lost (in my opinion) because they have to fill in the blanks to the point where they are controlling the poem. This one works short and powerful. It creates an image clearly where I can fill in the blanks with that image as a guideline. Rune, I’ve been meaning to comment on your remark for a few days now as it is a very perceptive comment. In fact, there is an entire way of understanding literature which makes the insight you express here its point of departure. Simply put, it asserts that what defines a text as ‘literary’ is the way in which it leaves room for the reader to find and discover meaning within it. For example, the phone book or a textbook of basic algebra are texts that allow no room for the reader to enter them – they simply state what the facts are and what their meaning must be. On the other hand, a text that is poorly or randomly written will often force the reader to invest so much of himself or herself into trying to understand it that essentially whatever meaning is expressed is simply the reader’s. Literature, on the other hand, happens when a well written text has both enough content to provide the possibility of meaning and enough space for the reader to enter it and move within its words and themes. Truly great writing is the kind whose spaces are deep enough that important aspects of the reader’s life are invited into them. OK - I’m done with the academic language! *LOL* All of this is simply to say that you make a very good point. And one that I think Jonathan’s work here illustrates rather well. Edited January 30, 2003 by Cyril Darkcloud
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