Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Report Posted January 15, 2003 reverie Page Posts: 284 (12/8/02 6:54:17 am) Reply My Fate/hawk grl -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hey... just a note on structure... feel free to disregard... but in a few place in the first few stanza's i had trouble making sense of you rhythm... after the third try, i inserted my own pauses, detaching a few phrases and then it made sence... ...not going to tell ya to throw a common, hypen, colon, semi colon, or string a phrase this way or that... your own styles dictates that... just saying, i kinda got lost there for a sec... but then again, i can't hear what's in your head... so i could be way off... Nice theme though... an event or decision directing you to whatever action you're now taking... fate pulls the strings by and by... past hurt/wrongs influences us to want, to hurt, or to wrong in suddle quiet revenge... like a grudge held too long... Well, we're never quite what we wanted to be, and even less what other wished us to be. ...on that pedestal so high... oh well... nice to have you back... take care, andrea.... revery the dreamlost "let them play, let them pretend. A delver's smile; A knowing grin" the dream continues... Edited by: reverie at: 12/8/02 6:58:07 am
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