Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Report Posted January 15, 2003 Mister Burrofoot Initiate Posts: 7 (10/13/02 5:22:33 pm) Reply Curiosity -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do the people of "the pen" think of my simplistic writings I have shown so far, andhow about my fan-fic? Did any read it and enjoy it? I was thinking about continuing it past the 5 chaters I have, and maybe onto a 20 Chapter, short story book, and opinions? -=Mister Burrofoot=- Your Friendly Neighbor Kender
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Posted January 15, 2003 Wyvern00 Elder of Initiates Posts: 748 (11/8/02 1:21:48 am) Reply Some comments on "Final Fantasy: the Second Coming" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mister Burrofoot, I took the time to read over your Final Fantasy VII fan fiction recently, and thought I might offer some comments and constructive criticism on what you've written thus far... In terms of strong points in the text, you show a great deal of knowledge and enthusiasm when it comes to the characters and overworld feel of "Final Fantasy VII", and this shines through numerous details you depict in the text. In addition, the story shows potential in the possible ways in which it may develope, and has a setting that is ideal for fantasy fanfics... Having said this, I do think there are some things you should go back over and consider in the text... One big thing that I felt negatively affected the story was the lack of any major conflict. Though there are a few points in the story where Cloud has inner conflicts in his memory of Sephiroth, and even one moment of external conflict when Cloud mistakes Polenskie for Sephiroth and rushes at him, these conflicts are quickly resolved and don't seem to play a significant role in the development of the story. I would definitely recommend that you choose an underlying conflict which developes as the story progresses, as it will hold the readers interest and keep them reading to see what happens next... Another thing I thought negatively affected the work was some of the uses of grammar, particularly tense shifts. Definitely avoid switching tenses as you're writing, as it can really spoil some sentences. Two examples of this: "As he walks out the door he thinks to himself * What the heck am I going to get her this time* With that said, he headed back farther into the overcrowded Wall Market." and "As he walks out of the store he couldn't believe his eyes.. ." Be certain to stick to whatever tense you begin writing with, as the switching of tenses is grammaticaly incorrect... It can often sound awkward when read, and can even occasionally lead to confusion from misinterpretations in the text. In terms of other grammar suggestions, you may also want to proof read the story a bit more to get rid of fragmented sentences and spelling errors, which show up occasionaly. One last thing I feel could be improved in the story is the dialogue and interactions between characters. While I found the interactions between the principle characters of the story well done, I thought that the reactions of some of the less important characters seemed a bit extreme. For example, the way that the man in charge of the jewelry shop immediatly reacted by bribing Cloud with gil seemed a bit awkward to me... Still, as I pointed out in the beginning, I like the way you've detailed the Final Fantasy setting and played on some of it's principle characters. I certainly encourage you to continue your writing, and encourage you even more to do so while beginning to focus on a principle conflict of some sort. Peace, Wyv-
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Posted January 15, 2003 Mister Burrofoot Weenie Awardee Posts: 11 (12/1/02 12:31:05 am) Reply Re: Curiosity -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you Wyvern.. I do realize I switch tenses a lot.. I was hoping to fix that when I could.. Been so busy lately.. Maybe one day I will but thank you.. Glad to see you liked the basics of it
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