Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Report Posted January 15, 2003 peredhil31 An Ancient Polite Bard Posts: 1141 (11/20/02 11:00:46 am) Reply ezSupporter Sample Criticism... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is meant to be a tongue-in-cheek criticism, so all you writers out there can realize that sometimes Critics don't understand Art. With apologies and inspiration from Donald Kaul, who did it better years ago. -Peredhil Joyce Kilmer. 1886–1918 119. Trees I THINK that I shall never see A poem lovely as a tree. Joyce, while I appreciate your hyperbole, I think I've seen some really really ugly trees. Do you ever get out? Take a walk, it will help feed your poetry. Perhaps sunsets or puppies? A tree whose hungry mouth is prest Against the sweet earth's flowing breast; A tree that looks at God all day, 5 And lifts her leafy arms to pray; Is this tree a contortionist? Have you tried sketching this tree? Its mouth is on the ground (something Freudian going on here Joyce?) and it's arms are lifted in a painful angle. While its eyes are rolled back enough to look at God's traditional seat in the heavens... You aren't into bondage are you? A tree that may in summer wear A nest of robins in her hair; Hair? Trees have hair? And chickens have lips now I suppose. Try not to mix metaphors Joyce. Stick with one thought and develop it, it will read more strongly. Have you ever seen the amount of icky stuff in a robin's nest? The baby-blue eggs look nice, but by summer, they're gone and it's full of baby bird crap. Upon whose bosom snow has lain; Who intimately lives with rain. 10 Okay, I'm seeing the bosom motif again. Am I to assume this bosom is different than the Earth's bosum you had the twisted tree suckling earlier? Where you a bottle-fed baby by any chance? Intimate with rain? I won't even go into that, except to say we try to keep this a family readable site. Poems are made by fools like me, But only God can make a tree And a pretty weird tree it is. Thank God you didn't try to blame this perverted poem on Him. I think this line would be more accurate if you'd change it to: "Poorly written poems are made by fools such as I, And robins dropped refuse in my rolled-back eye." All in all, a good start at a poem, but don't quit your day job yet. We do not write because we want to; we write because we have to. W. Somerset Maugham Edited by: peredhil31 at: 11/20/02 11:18:22 am
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Posted January 15, 2003 SoaringIcarus Initiate Posts: 29 (11/22/02 2:02:04 pm) Reply Re: Sample Criticism... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yeah, what's with poets of that time? I just read something by some 'Whiteman' or something rather... He didn't even know to call them blades of grass.. Just another pot-head on poetry. Why are these people allowed the posession of paper and writing tools?!
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