Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Report Posted January 15, 2003 gwaihir1 Elder of Lists and Poetry Posts: 303 (10/29/02 8:06:00 am) Reply WW/Long Distance/reverie -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I really like this but I feel that sometimes I'm getting left behind in between stanzas. for instance in between "-A moments lapse / So far from my graspe" and "I fell for you again." Did the speaker just lose and regain the long distance person? Maybe it's just me, but I'm unclear. Also, you comment in parens about your rhythm. It feels songlike and free to me, but I can definitely feel the rhythm. Personally, I'm not so sure about the or/and unless you mean it to suggest the awkwardness. I would leave the should out "Let me know how much (should?)I know" There, I'm not good at critiquing songlike poems, but .
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Posted January 15, 2003 reverie Page Posts: 247 (11/1/02 2:21:37 pm) Reply Re: WW/Long Distance/reverie -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- oh that's kewl... yeah i see how you get lost in the stanzas... it's pretty chaotic right now... if i ever get the energy i'll pull it all together... i'm letting the ideas gel for the moment though, cause i'm not sure what to do with it... started for signe as a gift... but like almost anything i 'say' i'm going to write for her, it takes me awhile... like over a year sometimes... lot of it came from a journal i sometimes write sporadically in free hand to capture ideas n'stuf... so i just copied a lot of it over here word for word ya know... a few more drafts should clean it up... prolly will drop the 'should' the 'and /or' was because i haven't decided which word to use??? i'll figure it all out eventually though... ya know, i might just split it into two poems... one from the first train of thought and one for the based on 'fell's' underlining rythem... but then again prolly not... thanx for the input...sorry for not being around some much...have been busy with RL and now on holiday with friends in N. Carolina... so like is not polite to horde their OUTSTANDING, WAY KEWL, KICKQ#%!!! Cable connection....(drools) revery the dreamlost "rythme? ooo, i made a new word..." the dream continues...
Recommended Posts