Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Report Posted January 15, 2003 Nyyark Page Posts: 269 (10/18/02 3:48:18 pm) Reply WW/Fell/Reverie -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nyyark -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You might want to try As or When for the 1st word. Starting with And seems sort of choppy. Perhaps But. I like the idea, but I think that the entire poem should flow more smoothly. Your talking about rain falling, but the two lines, without a consistent syllable pattern give me More of a dry desert feel. At . That also might of been because I didn't really understand what falling rain meant. You might want to connote rain more in this poem, perhaps using imagery. Right now, the closest thing I can come up with for the symbolism of rain is judgment. I think this is because I think of falling Judges Hammers, and your last line, which gave the effect of you were satisfied with yourself. reverie -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- oh this poem... is barely even worth being called a draft... I pieced it together from notes i wrote extremely fast in one of my notebooks when trying to recall the rain night of late december... I'm still trying to figure it all out myself... I have a lot of decisions to make in this poem i think... thanx for the input... i thought about using 'as' or 'when' in the first line too... but in the end i left it like that, because that was how it orginally came out... When i do an overhaul of it, i prolly use of one those words... The whole approach might change though... i don't know... it's fun though revery the dreamlost (transfered from Draft Room)
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