Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Report Posted January 15, 2003 Nyyark Page Posts: 268 (10/18/02 3:46:37 pm) Reply WW/Thirst/Reverie -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nyyark -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An excellent display of right-brained generation transformed to an understandable poem. A few formattish things: Line 15 weaver of the wheels = Weaver of The Wheels? (adds a more mystical\importance in my opinion, almost legendary) Line 16 with = With Line 18 I think you should either take out the comma after Then, or add then before flow. Either will help the flow of that part. I had a little trouble getting past it, because there wasn't much alliteration or rhyming. Good Job! In an English Class I had, we once webbed off of a stament, and kept webbing until we 'felt' like writing. I think that might be a simmalar way to generate a poem, though we used it to write a paper, because it give thought a bit more clarity. reverie -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanx The formating of the improvised thoughts and fragments was a little difficult... Trying to get it to make some sence was strech. Also, i had the same problems getting through line 18 thru 21 when i tried to set it down... taking your advice and adding a bit to it... i think i'll try this: Lose, …then win. Flow, …in a broken spirit Lost. might work? btw... can you plz kill all the pop-ups ons this board... revery the dreamlost Edited by: reverie at: 6/7/02 5:26:55 pm Nyyark -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I like that much better. It made more sense to my mouth and my eyes. In the last line fail comes easier to my lips than fall. I'm not entirely sure why, but fail also might go better with the word try then fall. I can only kill the pop-ups if I donate money to this board, and right now that isn't a commitment I will make, because I have noted a visible traffic of three. Besides, I would need a credit card, and I am to young to have one. I wish there was something I could do about it, sorry. peredhil31 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- there are a number of free popup blockers available to install if that is an issue, or if you have the money, you can become a CSC gold member and have all popups go away from all Ezboards - for you. That's what I did. -P reverie -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- oh... i finally got my popup blocker working...(huh, forgot i had one...) current stats as follows: Ads filtered: ezboard... 112 Popups filtered: ezboard... 6 jeez... i've only been on the board less than 5 minutes... revery the dreamlost (transfered from Draft Room)
Recommended Posts