Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Report Posted January 15, 2003 Nyyark Page Posts: 267 (10/18/02 3:43:41 pm) Reply WW/I do/reverie -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nyyark -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I can't wait to see where you take this one. For fear of fright has nice alliteration, even though it is slightly redundant. Its counter-line: Sometimes I think that I should die… is kind of awkward. You might want to take the that, because the syllables fit better, and it creates an internal Rhyme, which goes well with the previous alliteration. For the repeated section, you might try But I do instead of Yes I do I like the slip personality thing Yes I do creates, however I think it needs something to create the effect better. Something between the two lines might help... Well good job, I'm looking forward to your next installment. reverie -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- wow, good points... I have to think about it a little, before i incorparate them, but thanx for the insights... revery the dreamlost (transfered from draft room)
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