Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Report Posted January 15, 2003 Wyvern00 Elder of Initiates Posts: 632 (6/9/02 1:24:05 am) Reply "Feel so Small" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rahsash, Some comments on what you've written so far in "Feel so Small". I must say that thus far I find it totally captivating... It's excellently written and disturbingly real... after reading the first two posts in it I found that my throat was totally parched. ;p The image of a gothic looking girl that has only the very blade she cuts herself with to talk to is genuinely frightening. I pray for some ray of hope, however distant or vague, since it seems to be primarily her abusive parents who have led to her being this way... I also definatly see some moral messages evolving from the story, particularly when Alaxis mentions that it hadn't been this way before her father had begun drinking. Keep up the good writing.
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Posted January 15, 2003 Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 462 (6/9/02 11:59:43 am) Reply Re: "Feel so Small" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *Gyrfalcon applauds* You're an excellent writer, Rahsash, and I enjoy reading this piece, even if it is disturbing. Like Wyvern, I hope something good will happen to the heroine, to balance all the bad in her life.
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Posted January 15, 2003 reverie Initiate Posts: 61 (6/9/02 2:40:17 pm) Reply Re: "Feel so Small" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just like to voice my support for you current endeavor... I see a lot of truth to it... I love how you portray the young girl slipping further and further into darkness, while no seems to care or notice... And even when the teacher does, he does nothing... Or how you show the self-absorbed parents who can't see the abuse and damage they've done to their child... It's tragic, sad, and regrettably true for many in this world... Look forward to reading the rest of it... revery the dreamlost... Edited by: reverie at: 6/9/02 2:41:38 pm
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Posted January 15, 2003 Nyyark Page Posts: 138 (6/9/02 5:53:38 pm) Reply Re: "Feel so Small" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So far your execution is brilliant! I know a few people I could see this being. I really really like this. I'm looking forward toward its furtherence. I found this more consoling than disturbing, I'm not sure why. I can totally understand talking to the knife. The irony is brilliant.
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Posted January 15, 2003 Rahsash Geldich Page Posts: 128 (6/10/02 6:02:47 am) Reply Re: "Feel so Small" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for your support! I am going to try to play irony as much as I can in this story, in fact, I have a few cards up my sleeve I think you might enjoy. It feels like she would simply talk for the feel of talking, and that it turns up to be to the knife plays up the way that no one realises it. Once again, Thank You!
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Posted January 15, 2003 Yui Temae Huntress Posts: 245 (6/13/02 7:55:16 am) Reply Re: "Feel so Small" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Much to my pleasure, I've finally put together enough time to read through your story, Rahsash. I can see why our friends have commented as they have. Excellently done! I think you've found a very, very effective combination of reality, simplicity, and emotionalism in the style of your writing, here, and it allows you to bring the experience to the reader and embroil their own emotions with Alaxis'. Specifically, I'm entranced by the imagery you use at times. I love the way you have taken seemingly-normal actions and equated them to the deeper emotional tapestry of your heroine. For example: "She could see a shadow of her mother grappling with the telephone and its spiral cord, a demon using the serpent to communticate with the devil." The sentence reveals a lot to us about how Alaxis feels about her mother and father and how they feel about each other. I love subtlety and the art of revealing information without letting anyone realize that they've just learned something important, and I can say that you've done it well and often in this story. Bravo! Best of all, I see very few grammar, punctuation, and spelling errors! Heh. Seriously, excellent job. I could ramble on, but I feel like I've mentioned my favorite and the most noteable trait of your writing here. It's a very meaningful and relevant plot to many people with excellent use of imagery and allusion and mystery to keep your reader hooked. I'm looking forward to reading more!
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Posted January 15, 2003 Jonathan Wolfe Initiate Posts: 21 (6/13/02 10:03:18 am) Reply Re: "Feel so Small" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Excellent story, you write of things much darker than I would dare touch upon in my own writing, it takes guts to inject such emotion and malcontent Keep it up!
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Posted January 15, 2003 Rahsash Geldich Page Posts: 138 (6/26/02 5:53:45 pm) Reply Re: "Feel so Small" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ~~~***NOTICE***~~~ I decided I don't like the last post I did to this story, so I'm changing it, hence allowing more character development and giving me a little more of a range of storylines to choose from. I'd like som feedback on the change, if anyone feels that they liked the former post instead of the edited one. What I plan on doing (for those who didn't notice ) is editing out the police officer and Angie, my reasoning being (for those of you who want it all to turn happy already) that those two factors move the direction too much too fast. Second point, I want to take the sl somewhere else first. Mucos gracias my amigos Edited by: Rahsash Geldich at: 6/26/02 6:04:22 pm
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Posted January 15, 2003 Katiya Damodred Page Posts: 43 (7/5/02 2:55:10 pm) Reply Re: "Feel so Small" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I agree with what everyone has said so far...darkly disturbing, and filled with emotional distress. It sounds great so far...perhaps I could learn from this, and pull myself into some of this emotional drama, work on the basics of a story instead of building from the middle outward. Image by FlamingText.com
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