Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Report Posted January 15, 2003 Pros: Good start- gets into the action quickly. You'll need to develop some backstory for the two characters later on, though. Cons: Incomprehensible Elven- I suggest either providing translations or write something like this: "What will we do now?" the elf maiden asked the air in the flowing language of the elves. It may just be me, but I hate not knowing what's being said. Ideas: Perhaps provide characterization to one of the elves Shroleyannè (how do you produce the accents in IE? ) brought with her to rescue the man- IE, Shroleyannè's friend or something. Perhaps describe the community a bit more? Is it a forest community with trees growing among the buildings? Buildings in the trees? Or have the elves cleared the forest out of the city? *Runs out of steam and forgets what his original point was. ;P* Anyway, good start, and it fulfulls the 'One Good, One Bad' thing you wanted.
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Posted January 15, 2003 Carlyan the Wise: Oh, sorry... that was dumb of me. I meant to go back and translate, but I forgot. I'll go edit the post now.
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