Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Report Posted January 15, 2003 First of all, sorry it took me so long to respond with this, especially after you so expediately and articulately responded to my essay. I like it. It took a second read to soak it in, completely, and I like the connection of this with Fate. Well, not just connection but raw description. It's slightly cryptic at first, but becomes clear. I wouldn't necessarily change this, because it may be your stylistic decision to let the reader discover it, that way. It can be effective. The ending is appropriate, and by that I mean it makes sense, although it seems as if the Pragmatist would have written it that way. Not either the Victim or the Bereaved. In my mind, the Victim would've continued being, even if not breathing, and the Bereaved wouldn't exit so quietly. Again, this isn't necessarily wrong, it just gives a slant to it, depicting the persona of the author as identifying with mostly the pragmatist. And since you weren't sure, yes, it is a good piece. But it's not done, it can go much further, based upon your other writings I've seen on The Pen. Keep it up. -Icarus
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Posted January 15, 2003 Kasmandre: Thanks for the feedback, Icarus. You make a good point. I've been looking at it again and thinking about who's point of view it's from (I honestly never thought that it identified mostly with the prag. but now I definately see that). I'll post a rewrite in a few days. My last final's tomorrow (Thank God!!) and I'll have more time to post next week. -------------- Kasmandre, Initiate of the Pen "Time slowed, reality bent. On and on the Eggman went." -Dreamcatcher. by Stephen King "So long, and thanks for all the fish." -Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. by Douglas Adams "Let's Roll." -Flight 93
Archive Posted January 15, 2003 Author Report Posted January 15, 2003 Kasmandre: Ug. Obviously I never did the rewrite. Not so much because I didn't try, but because I couldn't figure out how to do it. The story's form was one of the first things that coalesed. As such, I'm having trouble seperating the story from the style. I guess it's not necessarily a bad thing, I just never considered myself identifying with the Pragmatist, but... Unless someone can suggest something, I'll live with it as is. Not that I know what I'm going to be doing with it anyway. *Sigh* One other thing, I was wondering if anyone could tell me what their first impression of the story is? Just after reading it through once, what first came to mind or just stuck out in the story. Edited by: Kasmandre at: 1/11/03 10:20:50 pm
Kasmandre Posted January 26, 2003 Report Posted January 26, 2003 Hey, guess what? This story's going to be published in NU's literary magazine. I submitted it way back in November, but, when I didn't get any responce for about a month, I posted it here to get some feedback. Well, about two days ago, I got an e-mail saying that it was accepted! Kinda surprising. It isn't a huge deal, it's just this little mag that gets sent out to the students and stuff, but, hey, it seems pretty cool to me.
Gyrfalcon Posted January 27, 2003 Report Posted January 27, 2003 Hey, pretty spiffy! I likewise had some of my work (a pair of poems) published in a school magazine... as you said, nothing too big, but nice all the same.
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