Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 komodo The large monitor lizard enters the bar. With a large, toothy grin, he pulls out his flashlight from behind his trenchcoat. Pleased that he seemed to have the largest flashlight around, he pauses as the crowd gathers (and as he contemplates how to turn the damn thing on). He smiles as he notices the pull cord. "Rrrrrrrrrrrrr" "Hey! I saw that type of flashlight in that movie - Chainsaw Massacre!" Rydia exclaims seconds before the flashlight spun out of control showering her blood over the crowd. "Hey, this thing could work..." ------------------ § komodo dragon §
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 Insignia mine's doesn't work... it's powered with a light.. they call it solar powered.. seems only to work when it's not dark... anyone wanna lend me theirs? ------------------ Insignia, Destroyer of ALL, Protector or NONE.....
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 Snypiuer Snypiuer comes to the conclusion that his flashlight isn't a flashlight. Realizing it must be a flail, he reties the smelly, hairless, declawed gerbel that was attached originally and has it sent back to the leather clad "women"? named Lola that he beat up for it. After a consortium of retainers explain to Snypiuer the dire need for a flashlight, "You REEEAAAALLLLLYYYYY need one boss." Snypiuer decides on a holy quest. As Snypiuer sits astride his trusty steed 'Beauregard' (hinda looks like a hippo with all it's legs different lengths and one ear that is short and sticks straight up and one that drags the ground), a retainer approaches him, "Where you going boss?" "On a sacred and holy quest, I seek a 'FLASHLIGHT'! I may not return. Remember to feed the chickens, will ya?" The retainer removes a club from his belt that Snypiuer supplies all his servants, it has 'MagLight' written on the side, "Um, boss?" Snypiuer ignores him, seeking some inner spiritual sign for inspiration. "Boss?" the retainer says as he shines a beam of light at Snypiuer. "Silence! I seek enlightenment! Put that club away. And, when the new shipment of clubs arive, make sure ALL 50,000 are there and hand them out to the ranks. I'M OFF!" With a mighty, "hmphhth!" Beauregard gallops off with Snypiuer astride him. Several hours later, they exit the court yard. A strange and magnificent quest begins! ------------------ Snypiuer Bard of Terra Demi-God of Suicide Squirrel Squadrons
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 Thor I should "flash" my WHAT? (are you sure it'll blind them?)
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 LLyL *A violent tremor shakes the banquet hall, and distant thunders rumble. Birds of prey and small animals spooked by the tremor swarm out of the wilderness beyond the city. The black clouds in the distance rapidly move in, enshrouding the city in a deep charcoal gray despite the noonday sun. A crackle of black lightening blasts apart shingles on a nearby rooftop. Then more pitch dark bolts of negative energy strike the ground, showering the streets with cobblestones. The storm begins to focus its fury on a spot across the street from the banquet hall, gale force winds blowing the carts and people away from the site. A tremendous cacaphony accompanies a pinprick in reality which rapidly expands to a 9 foot tall arched gateway leading into the outer planes. Wraiths and other lesser demons pour out of the gate like a burst dam, and scattered amidst them appear liches and vampires, fiends and spectres, and other horrors. The flood continues until the banquet hall is surrounded on all sides, top, and from underneath... finally a mighty host of greater demons and tana'ri, and devils and fallen arch-angels emerge, guarding the portal. 4 fallen dominions, surrounded by twisting, shadowy fog emerge in an honor guard formation, surrounding an immense figure so deeply black that nearby light is drawn into it. The figure steps foward, the air around him becoming thick with the loathing of the prime material plane and the cobblestones singing beneath his feet, releasing a sulfuric smell. The dominions open the door to the great hall, and their master, the great Archmage LLyL enters the hall. The fallen dominions enter behind him, closing the door... but just before it closes entirely, a black streak flies out of the portal, shoots past LLyL, and heads straight for Gyrfalcon, taking the form of a Draco-lich as it approaches its target.* "Bow down feeble magic users, Show your respect for the Demigod of Retribution!" boom the fallen dominions in their growling, yet disturbingly smooth voices. "Our master addresses you, and you all shall listen!" "I address thee, you feeble-minded mages, I am here to take over the Terra that is rightfuly mine. The creator has abandoned you, and you are no longer under the protection of his light..." at the mention of the word "light" some automatic response takes place in the minds of the idiots, and they all begin pointing toasters, pleasure devices, poles, sticks, lightbulbs, and other various things, not to mention one particularly well endowed ogre who exposes himself. LLyL stands dumbfounded for a moment, then decides that it's not worth staying a moment longer. He gates out of the hall back out into the street, enters his portal and as his fallen dominions disappear into it behind him, the portal closes.... Exophek the newborn dracolich smiles with his 3 foot wide, tooth filled mouth, and begins to approach Gyrfalcon. ------------------ LLyL Demigod of Retribution Immortal of the Outer Planes Harvester of Souls
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 Nisassa As the portal begins to shrink to the pinprick that it started out as, a hand emerges out. With a small pop, Nisassa drags himself out of the portal just as in closes. He looks around, and gives a contented sigh. "I'm sorry I'm late. I was getting a Flashlight. I had to travel to one of the outer dimensions to obtain one and I didn't know how to get back so I had to wait for somebody to come over here. And you really don't want to know where LLyL went before this... ewwww... LLyL need help " That said, Nisassa pulls his Flashlight out. That is to says he put his hand behind him into the space the portal once occupied and waves it around. "It was just here. Now where did it go?" Nisassa turns around, confused at his inablilty to feel his Flashlight just behind him where he left it. "Anybody see where my Flashlight went?" Nisassa sits down and begins to ponder how to obtain another Flashlight. After careful consideration, he figures he could summon one and pulls his spellbook out of his pocket. Holding it carefully upside down, Nisassa proceeds look for the spell he wants. "Now, what did Joat say about finding one of them summon thingys. Yes... He said page 6. Concentrating really hard, Nisassa carefully turns the pages counting as he goes page 1, page urrmm ?, Page E, Page.. I never seen this before, Page I don't remember learning this digit, Page 9, Page 8, Page 6... Ahhh, here we go." After carefully reading the spell Nisassa stands on his head and begins waving his hands around in a complex mind boggling way. Mages staring at him are unsure of what excatly he is doing and how he manages to float upside down roughly 2 feet off the floor or why he is doing it. He starts a low chant that sound very similar to the incantations for Gaze of Death except it is missing all the pauses and every 6th word. Midway through the chant, Nisassa looks down and realizes that his hands are no longer holding him up. About 3 seconds later, a look of consternation crosses his face and he collaspes in a crumpled heap on the floor. One of his hands ends up on the tail of Exophek who is fast approaching Gyrfalcon. With a yell, Nisassa exclaims,"It worked... it worked... my first successfully cast spell" Giving the tail a couple of quick pulls, Nisassa is rewarded by his Flashlight's eyes lighting up and turning a bright glowing red.
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 Racouol "Um Nisassa. Call me crazy but I do not think it is a flashlight." Racouol starts backing away pointing his flashlight at the thing that looks unusually unlike a flashlight. ------------------ Racouol Father of Darkness The Golden Lord Lord of Nightmares Bearer of Deep Pockets
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 Swordmage *Grog looks up from his keg of ale, trying very hard to concentrate on what is going on, but being confused by the many things happening at once... thus only the last comment echoes in his mind.* No, that's a... *Racking his brain, he goes through the checklist... Food? no... Weapon? no... Treasure? no... Worthless dirt? no... then it must be...* An enemy! *Grog immediately grabs the flasher he has brought with him (who sends a longing gaze at Tzimfemme before starting to protest loudly) and clobbers the large dragon-like thing with it.* Take that! Now Grog smash! Grog gonna hurt you bad, you... you... enemy! *After taking a couple of swings, Grog looks in confusion at the bloody heap in his hands.* I knew this would not work... should have gotten a heavier un... *He drops the bloody pulp and draws a rather large war club, studded with mean looking obsidian edges.* Hah! Grog now armed with the CUTTING EDGE OF WEAPON TEKKNOLODGIE !
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 Ninja Ninja entered the meeting with a look of triumph on his face. He stand on a chair and Coughs loudly for attention, "Fellow mage, upon hearing of you quest for the mystic object known only as "Flashlight". I knew at once it was a worthy cause and since that time I have been searching the far reaches of terra to uncover this obviously powerful object. I many minutes of searching I am happy to present to you the object which has brought us all here today. The object which will help bring down the facist government of terra and will bring freedom and equality to every man, woman, child and people of unknown sex. The object which will bring a rain of fury upon the unwilling and unable. An object which demands worship just by gazing on it. Fellow Mages I give you......The Flashlight" With a dramatic gesture Ninja pulls an object from his robes and holds it high above his head. At once all eyes in the room turn to the object silhouetted perfectly in the dying rays of the sun, at once calm fell across the whole world. As the object held in Ninja's hand was surly the object which they had hunted for for so long. As held above Ninja head was a large plank with an metal object which could only be descriped as a nail, sticking through the end.. ------------------ Ninja The True Ninja The Keeper Of the Truth
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 Gyrfalcon "Well, Grog there seems to have my response all ready for you, Exophek" Gyrfalcon says to the battered dracolich that is frantically trying to get away from the club. Already one of Exophek's wings had been shattered repeatedly, stopping the bony creature from flying. Gyrfalcon decides to give Grog some help, and cast a few spells, such as Sword of Light, Armor of Light, Giant Strength, Flame Blade, Regeneration, and Bless. Grog, now ultra-powerful, hit Exophek and sent the dracolich tumbling across the hall, bones flying off of his body. ------------------ Gyrfalcon the half-elf battlemage Immortal of Fire Berserker of the West Bard of Terra (B1) Demigod of Vengance
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 Shurak Amidst the ensuing chaos, Shurak stops striking matches long enough to take a sip of Ol' Peculiar. After the requisite seizure, eye-rolling, and sputtering, he strikes another match and holds it to the small cylinder. Unfortunately for our intrepid dwarf, his body decides to expel a bit of excess gas. With a grand boom, the lit match ignites Shurak's unholy breath and manages to char Exophek's good wing clear off his back. "Excuse me." 3423 [insert dwarven curse here], 3424 [insert dwarven curse here]... ------------------ Shurak Whitefist, the dwarven illusionist Immortal of Justice Bard of Terra Former Caretaker of the Conservatory
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 brute As the gathering of Idiots continue to grow and the average intelligence begins to drop, Brute looked upon the ready legions, all of which seemed eager and willing to do battle with the severly outnumbered Smart People. Flashlights of all shapes and sizes were being tested with miraculous results. Someone had even thought to bring a dracolich to the rally as a test subject. A frown of worry crossed Brute's face as he watched the beast die under the assault of flashlights. Whoever managed to think of a test subject may be a Smart Spy, sent to gather intelligence from the Idiot's camp. No, Brute dismissed the thought. There was something about that that didnt quite sound correct. "I'm just overcautious," Brute thought. Holding his flashlight,as lethal a weapon as he had ever seen, he addressed the mages milling about in apparent confusion."Hey! You mages there, stop milling about and listen to me!" The confusion did not abate altogether, but was lessened somewhat. Many blank and vacant stares were directed toward Brute as he drew a breath to speak. "Ummm...I believe that the testing phase is a success. We should move to the next phase of the operation." A loud cheer rose from the Idiots as Brute spoke. Their flashlights would bring them glory and honor, if not a few missing limbs. From within the milling mass arose a voice," So...what's the next part?" Faces nodded in agreement at the question and murmurs grew louder. "The next task before us," Brute said," will be a difficult one at best. We will have to not only find the location of a smart Person, but we must all remain in a group and attack together. This is our only hope to overcome the devious Smarties." Once again, cheers of confidence arose from the mentally-inept Idiots. Brute raised his hands to quiet the shouting. "Now, does anyone know who we can ask for directions?" Within minutes, the question had reduced the assembly back to a chaotic, unorganized mob of not-so-smart mages. Many simply stood transfixed by the gleam of so many shiny objects located in one place. How would the Idiots manage to find the location of a Smart Person and begin their world domination? Brute cursed aloud at the cruel hand dealt by fate. Brute, Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 Sidewinder Het mine just wiggled! ah! that was a toe!
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 Punchbox "I know where Smart People are! I'll just cast a dimentional rift leading to them." With that Scorn summoned the lightning and evoked the earth. With that a two-dimentional circle covered with inky-black darkness appears. Trees and dirt are sucked into the vaccumous force of the circle, ripping apart when they reach it. Screaming for his life trying to run from the portal he created that led to 3 feet away from a black hole but to no avail and ends up flying in the hole. The other mages look dumbfounded (not a hard thing to do) at what they just saw.
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 Ozymandias "Bru? May I have a flashli like hizh?", says Ozymandias, swaying gently, clutching a red cylinder marked 'TNT' as its fuse sizzles away. "Mi dushn't light musch." ------------------ I am Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair! Few dare challenge a knight of Capashen. Should one do so, there is one fewer. -unknown You can't lose-with BOOZE! -Milk and Cheese
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 Mestro Lying in a pool of Ole Peculiar, Mestro picks up a lighter and hands it to him while inviting Ozymandias to join him for a drink of 120% proof Ancient Ole Peculiar. ------------------ Me Mestro, You Jane... Wait one minute, you not Jane!!! ARGHHHHHH...
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 Swordmage * A swirling gate opens in the tavern, and Swordmage steps into the room. Looking over the assembled crowd of idiots (and cleverly hiding any sign of intelligence in his eyes or face), he steps forward and addresses them.* Uhm - hey, guys! You looking for one of them clever mages? I have found one who says he is clever. You can hit him as often as you like - just follow me, I will lead you to him. *With these words, and a quick gesture he opens the gate again, beckoning the crowd to follow. Hesitating at first, then more determined, the idiots follow him into the gate...* OOC: If you are interested where they are being led, check out 'The Challenge' on the message boards of the Legion of the White Rose... Editor's note, while the Legion of the White Rose still exists, the target of the link originally pasted no longer does.
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 Swordmage *A few minutes later, the gate opens again in the Banquet Hall. Out tumble the assembled idiots, all very busy beating up Joat, the Demigod of Insanity.*
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 joat116 DANG IT GUYS STOP! I SAID STOP! Growing irritated Joat drew a deep breath. SHINYSPINNINGFIRE!!!! All the idiots stop at the sound of the secret code word. Now then, line up, and look at the back of the neck of the guy in front of you. Now follow me! *Joat leads the idiots out of the hall and back to the Tavern* ------------------ Joat Demigod of Insanity Immortal of Shadows Bard of Terra
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 Tzimfemme and Rydia "But Joat," Rydia whispers, tugging urgently on Joat's sleeve, "we don't all have necks." Joat looks puzzled for a moment, then beams. Finally all those modified gingerbread men he'd left on her doorstep had gotten the message across! He stops, tugs on imaginary lapels, puffs out like a disturbed prairie chicken, and gently coos, "Don't worry, Rydia, just follow someone who does. Namely me. You could follow Boaz, but you're going to follow me because you like me better, right?" "But none of us have them," wails Rydia, pointing at a passing mage, who was swinging a faerie dragon by its tail as it squeaked out teeny-weeny flames. Her eyes light upon seeing the dragon, and she scrambles after them. Nose to nose with the dragon, Rydia and the verdant pair stumble through the portal. ------------------ Tzimfemme (the naked mage of Server One) Proud member of Calculus for the Masses! Honoree of "Nekkid Mages #1 Fan Club and Worshippers" Rydia adorned with pearls Immortal of Carp Bestower of Holy Power upon Demigods Constant Reader and Moderator, Blitz One Sossity of Ager One Angels of Apocalypse Constant Reader and Moderator
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 Fenrir You know Mestro, 120 proof is only 60% alcohol. Even idiots such as ourselves cannot be permitted to make such a dire mistake as to underestimate the godlike power of Ol' Peculiar in such a manner. ------------------ Fenrir the Unshaven, purveyor of alcohol-induced wisdom. ...waitaminnit, I didn't just say that last part... ...Oh ****.
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 brute As Joat attempted gather the idiots in some semblence of a line, a thought tugged at the back of Brute's mind like a little beetle desparately pulling a round piece of dung lodged between two rocks, thoughtless of any possibility of seeking another path. What was it that bothered him so? Brute watched the line of idiots grow and obediently lumbered toward the mass forming a line. As he left the podium, he caught sight of...something Shiny!! Holy Cow!! In his totla amazement of the truly marvelous and brilliant flashlights (hey! wait a minute! Who had a brilliant flashlight?!?), he had forgotten to pass out the Shiny stickers to all the gathered Idiots. Grabbing the sheets of stickers, he ran to Joat waving them above his head, which of course, completely distracted all of the idiots Joat had managed to line up and set them milling about trying to watch the shiny stickers. "I've got it, Joat! I know how to make everyone line up like you just had them!" Brute's enthusiasm shone on his face in a broad smile. "All you have to do is simply put one of these on the back of everyone's head." Brute demonstrated by peeling a sticker off of one of the sheets and slapping it on the back of a passing idiot's head. "WHAP!!" The idiot stumbled forward a few steps, then began to mill about as if nothing had happened. Almost immediately, another idiot moved behind the stickered one and stared at the shiny sticker wide-eyed and mouth agape. Brute happily slapped another on the back of that idiot's head, as well. "WHAP!!! See? These work just fine," Brute told a staring and drooling Joat, who was paying close attention to the sheet of marvelous shiny things in Brute's hand. Brute, Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 Scintael Amidst dark swirls of fog, a figure wrapped in a deep emerald cloak approaches from the dockside. His head bent down low, and his face hidden in his cowl, he seems to simply drift along toward his destination. Suddenly, he stops, cocking his head to the side as if possessed by the sudden sense of impending danger. Slowly the figure lifts his head, and piercing steel-grey eyes come into view, framed by several lockes of dusty blond hair. Once again the stranger begins to move forward, and once again his eyes return to the floor. Suddenly, amidst the loud revelry of the dockside night, a loud *CLUNK* pierces the air, as of a toaster discharging it's load. The figure stops suddenly, and snaps his head up, this time closely examining the assemblage of people before him. Originally he thought them to be simple merrymakers, but now the thought manifests in his mind that this group reeks of mischief. After a few moments, it becomes obvious to the stranger that this group is not going to move from it's place for quite a while - it's members are simply milling about in follow-the-leader fashion, staring at shiny stickers on the backs of their fellow's heads. So the figure approaches slowly, gingerly at first - prepard to use whatever sorcerous weapons necessary in his own defense. Coming within only 50 feet, the figure stops, and calls out in a clear, soft yet firm voice: "Hail strangers, I am Scintael Al`Ventria, and it seems that I have lost my way in this strange place. Could one of you have the kindness to point me toward the S2 Banquet Hall so that I may be on my way? I would be most obliged for any form of help offered." Scintael advances slightly, convinced that he should be able to hold his own should this mob turn toward violence. However, that thought dies quickly in his mind as he spies the assorted weaponry carried by the mob. Toasters, Dynamite, Chainsaws, Clubs, Unassembled Shelves, Tape Recorders, Garbage Picks, and oh Moon, come to my aid, even a Vibrator. Thoughts flash though his mind "This must be the psuedo-flashlight toting, smart archmage-hunting astronomically stupid horde of archmages that have recently been hunting in the area..." Blood pounds through his brain, and adrenaline courses through his veins as Scintael desperately wracks his brain for some ploy that would enable him to survive this encounter. These were archmages, and he would soon be overpowered if he fought, and should he run, their knowledge of the area would surely allow them to capture him. Suddenly, an idea pierces his fear-fogged mind. Quickly fumbling in his pack, he pulls out a Horn of Valhala. Putting the horn to his mouth, he blows a thunderous blast, and soon the echoing rumble of hoof-beats can be heard in the distance. Within minutes, the street behind Scintael is populated by a host of valiant knights. Scintael steps foward and again adresses the appliance-toting mob. "Behold the power of ... uhm ... (Scintael's brow furrows in intense concentration trying desperately to think of some great battle cry or at least an intimidating name whose power they could behold - he fails miserably) uhh.... Behold ... uhm ... Behold the Power of ... uh ... CHEESE!!!" With that, Scintael turns to his knights and shouts orders for them to ride forward, dismount, and begin to dance. The lead knight slowly removes his helmet, revealing a battle-hardened countenace and slowly says "Good God man, are you mad? Fight, yes, but dance? I think not. We are knights not Ballet Dancers..." Scintael retorts "Blast you, I summoned you and you shall obey me! Dismount and dance dammit!" Grudgingly, the knights slowly dismount and walk foward to place themselves between Scintael and the mob. Then, they begin to sway, bob, duck, jab and other motions that could be considered by a brain-dead toaster-toting mage (and apparently knights) to be dancing. The spectacle of hundreds of knights filling the streets bobing in poor asymmetrical excuses for dances would be enough to stun a red dragon for a moment - and these mages were far short of red dragons. Scintael smiles to himself. "Those mages should be watching the shiny knights for some time - I just hope I don't meet up with them again." Slowing to a walk, the figure pulls his cowl down over his head, and once again begins to walk through the mist, seeking the unattainable goal - to find his way back to the S2 Banquet Hall. ------------------ Lord Scintael Al`Ventria Master of Deceit Bearer of Chaos
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 Ozymandias He comes across a blue-cloaked mage leaning against a wall, merrily humming the "Bannana Splits" theme as he rocks gently back and forth, clutching a red cylinder marked "TNT" that now has a very VERY small sparking shooting from the top. "Heeyyyyy, shranger...No flasklight? Herre, have mine." And Scintael has a stick of dynamite enthusiastically shoved in his face. ------------------ I am Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair! Proud soldier of The Platinum Band Few dare challenge a knight of Capashen. Should one do so, there is one fewer. -unknown You can't lose-with BOOZE! -Milk and Cheese
Guest Minta Rose Posted January 18, 2002 Report Posted January 18, 2002 Scintael Oh, why thank you stranger. That was very kind of y... uhm... Oh dear... _______ |_______|---------* Scintael bolts away from Ozy. _______ |_______|-------* Running as fast as he can, Scintael looks down and notices he's HOLDING the thing! _______ |_______|-----* Scintael runs back to Ozy to give it back, but finds him passed out on the floor. _______ |_______|---* Scintael looks around in fright, but then remembers the ultimate solution to all of life's problems - and begins to weave his arms and chant. _______ |_______|-* Suddenly, a gigantic gate looms in front of Scintael. He gestures a bit more, and a stunned joat suddenly flies out. With a slight smirk, Scintael hands the TNT to joat, and dives through the shutting portal, thinking to himself: "Gee, I hope this goes to the SII Banquet Hall." *the ultimate solution to all life's problems - give them to someone else*
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