Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Report Posted October 10, 2001 Wyvern A short note before I begin archiving this thread: For those that don't know, this is was story thread on the UBBs that got off to a very impressive start. It was looking like a sure-fire winner, but unfortunatly the majority of the actors in it quit the UBBs entirely shortly after it had started. The result was it ultimately never being finished, which is too bad... Never the less, here was what did manage to get posted in all its wacky glory. Enjoy... To start things off, Zool's advertisement for the flick... ------------------------------ Almost a Dragon... "My life is like one big crime: I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense" Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze. Edited by: Wyvern00š at: 10/10/01 5:30:33 pm
Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Author Report Posted October 10, 2001 Zool *You hear a male announcer speak in a booming gravelly voice, intercut with movie dialog and flashes of the relevant scenes* First there was Gone With The Wind. "I'm really a man." "Frankly Scarlet, I don't give a Damn!" Then there was Star Wars. "The toilet is stopped up again Han!" "Use the force, Luke." Now there's Gyrfalcon The Movie. *The sound of wardrums hammer from the surround sound. A lovely woman in billowing white robe rides in slow motion through a sodden meadow. In the background a band of filthy cut throats brandishing weapons are riding hard to catch up to her. You see the picture for only a second, and then it fades to black* What is it that makes a half-elf a warrior? *The drums hammer again, and again the scene with the woman on horseback is flashed. They have advanced to a rocky landschape. It fades back to black* What is it that makes a warrior a hero? *This time when the drums beat you see the woman climbing some boulders on a mountainside. The cut throats are still after her, scrabbling up the rocks a bare ten meters behind her. Lightning flashes across the scene, and her hair whips in the wind. The scene then fades to black again.* What is it that makes a hero a legend? *She reaches the top of a rocky outcropping and throws off her robe, revealling a steel bra and mail skirt, high leather boots, helical bronze arm bracers, and a whicked sword on her back. She dons thick padded gloves, then draws a bulky something from inside the robe and holds it high over her head in a dramatic pose on the rocky peak, her lithe figure black against the cloudy wind blown sky. Fade to black.* What is it that makes a legend a demi-god? *Thunder roars in a flash of brilliance. A chorus sings Wagnerian opera to the beat of the war drums. Seen for the first time is Gyrfalcon, standing near the woman. He is smiling heroically, holding a heroic pose. The lightning goes right over their heads, brushing what the woman is holding in her hands, and frying the cut throat mob to bloody cinders. She places the object between them and they sit down. She starts serving the steaming casserole.* For the first time, See the epic tale of Gyrfalcon. See the heroic story of the warrior, the hero, the legend, and his lunch! Featuring an all-star cast, brought to you by Wyvern productions; The lovely Elemestra, heroine and Gyrfalcon's Femme Fatal, played by Cheyenne. *You see Elemestra in lovely sorceress robes at the top of the stairs in a stone castle, hands on hips.* "Why don't you come up and see me sometime?" Bardis, Gyrfalcon's faithfull right-hand man, played by Immortalis. *You see Immortalis's hamster Hammill tied to a table. a sinister henchman approaches with a roll of duct tape.* "Don' worry 'bout da Hamstuh, we're just gonna teach him a little trick." Mystic, played by Peredhil31. *You see Mystic in a dark hut in front of a crystal ball, an anxious client across from him.* "I am getting a vision. Yes. Yes, today would be a bad day to step in front of a speeding bus. Also watch out for cliffs..." Sinistro, played by P51mus. *You see Sinistro holding a sword at Bardis's throat. Both men are bruised and have oozing wounds.* "I am the incarnation of pure evil. I am despised in a thousand Kingdoms, hated in ten thousand more. I thrive on the blood and suffering of the innocent, and I cheat at dominoes." Nemphis, Sinistro's evil minion, played by the King of Kings, Ozymandias. *You see Nemphis in a small apartment. He is in a plaid shirt and is unshaven.* "You talkin' ta me(Hic)? I'm the only one heah." Terrorizer, Sinistro's hatchet dragon, played by Zool's rubber chicken. *You see an immense, evil black dragon shooting fireballs from his mouth and wreaking total destruction. Walking like a chicken, he struts to a hut and begins pecking at elves.* And Playing the heroic Gyrfalcon is the incomparable Racouol, Bearer of deep pockets (by special arrangement of the producer ). Opening soon in a Conservatory near you. Actual scenes may vary.
Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Author Report Posted October 10, 2001 Wyvern Wyvern sat back in his chair, enveloped in thought. It was time to make some money. Wyverns (which are greedy creatures in nature) need to make loads of money. If they don't make money over a prolonged period of time, they risk having an epilectic fit. Thankfully, Wyvern was an expert when it came to making money... Suddenly, it struck Wyvern. A movie! Of course! Or no, better yet, a movie based on one of Terra's most popular archmages, Gyrfalcon! Wyvern quickly proceeded to write a brilliant plot. Now there was only one thing he needed: actors. Any archmages out there want to become a star?! I need archmages to play the parts of: -Gyrfalcon, the hero of the film -Elemestra, heroine of the film. Love intrest of Gyrfalcon. Female role. -Bardis, Gyrfalcon's faithfull right-hand man. A side-kick, if you will. -Mystic, An old wiseman. -Sinistro, villain of the piece. Arch-nemisis of Gyrfalcon. -Nemphis and Terrorizer, Sinistro's underlings. I await impatiently the many fame-hungry responses from archmages out there. Once all the roles have been established, we can commence the filmings! We'll make TRILLIONS of geld!!! Amuahahahahahahahahaha....!!!
Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Author Report Posted October 10, 2001 P51mus I just need to know what the character of Sinistro is like. I like to be the evil one every once in a while. (which means "I apply for the part of Sinistro")
Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Author Report Posted October 10, 2001 Zool Zool breezes into into Wyverns office and hands him a business card. The business card reads; Zool Casting agent, writer, producer, director, Jack In Some Trades (JIST) and sound and lighting man extroadinaire. RUN, don't walk to the scrying mirror and call - Rubber Chicken six and seven eights. "WD," said Zool, putting his arm around Wyvern's shoulders and leading him to the tower window, "May I call you WD? WD, Through the aether has come word of your wonderful, I mean fantastic, I mean colossal project, and I have just the crew for you - Me! Yes, I can just about do it all." "Casting? Ha! Just envision this..." Zool sweeps his arm majestically at the vast horizon out the window, still gripping Wyvern's shoulders. "This cast is as big as the sky, as breathtaking as this view!, Why, with the talent I have the capability to assemble, we will put together a movie that will stun audiences for generations!" "But I..." Began Wyvern. "Think of it man!! Wait! Before you say a word, look at this lineup;" Zool pulls a crumpled sheet out of his pocket and hands it to Wyvern, who reads it. -Gyrfalcon, the hero of the film - Played by; Gyrfalcon -Elemestra, heroine of the film. Love interest of Gyrfalcon. Played by; Cheyenne -Bardis, Gyrfalcon's faithfull right-hand man. A side-kick, if you will. Played by; Grimmael -Mystic, An old wiseman. Played by; Peredhil31 -Sinistro, villain of the piece. Arch-nemisis of Gyrfalcon. Played by; The Grim Squeaker -Nemphis and Terrorizer, Sinistro's underlings. Played by; Bob the stone golem and Zool's rubber chicken. "Err," Wyvern said, "Actually I was looking for volunteers." "Don't worry - WD! Baby! Have I ever lied to you!? They'll sign, they'll sign! Listen, why don't your people call my people and they will do lunch - then we can work out my 75% of the gross and other little details." Zool grabs Wyvern's claw and pumps it ferociouosly. "You just leave everything to me WD! We're going to make a movie like it has never been done before. Gotta go. Love ya. Love the little dragoness. Hang loose - don't worry about a thing!. Zool leaves. Wyvern stands with the card in his hands for almost a full minute before throwing it out the window.
Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Author Report Posted October 10, 2001 Ozymandias "I hear there's an 'underling' casting call going on?" A familiar man in midnight blue floats casually through the air to Wyvern's window. "I'm here to audition for 'Nemphis'. Where do I sign up?"
Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Author Report Posted October 10, 2001 Wyvern Hoo boy. Where to start? (making movies is difficult business!) P51mus: Sinistro is an evil warlock with the intentions of destroying Gyrfalcon along with the entire elven race. He is very powerfull, and is equaled in power only by Gyrfalcon himself. There are going to be a few other revelations about Sinistro in the plot, but I shall not reveal them yet! That would take out all the fun eh?... Still, I would love to have you play the part. Zool: !!! Not a bad cast! We'll see how it goes. They must sign up here before I can accept them though... A few quirks I found in your scenario: -Gyrfalcon must NOT play himself. That would take all the fun out of it! -The roles of Sinistro and Nemphis have been currently taken. If there are other volunteers for these parts, we'll just have to see who acts better! I really like the ideas of Peredhil31 as Mystic, Grim Squeaker as Sinistro, and Bob the golem and chicken as his underlings. If you can get them HERE, in this thread, I'll see what I can do. Ozymandias: Sign right here, under "contracted for life"! (just kidding ) Another note: Those who are not accepted in certain roles can always take the roles of other characters. Currently, if this project is going to launch, we'll need some MORE ACTORS. Come on! Doesn't SOMEONE out there want to play the part of Gyrfalcon?! Did I mention they get to play love scenes with Elemestra? She's gonna be a baaaaaaaaabbbbeeee!
Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Author Report Posted October 10, 2001 Zool I thought Gyrfalcon could play himself with minimal coaching - three weeks, tops! Sorry Ozymandias, but underlings NEVER wear cloaks - It's a law somewhere... *Suddenly a small figure wearing a miniature midnight blue cloak jumps out of Zool's jacket - it's the rubber chicken!* "Aaaawk! Ack ack ack ack," said the rubber chicken. "Hey! where are you going?!" Zool swipes at the rubber chicken, but it's too fast for him, dodging easily. Hey! Hold up! I was kidding. It was a JOKE! HA HA! Don't go! You can't leave me... You're nothing without me!!" The rubber chicken leaves and auditions for the part of 'Terrorizor'. "Waaaaaaaaa!!" said Zool.
Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Author Report Posted October 10, 2001 Immortalis Immortalis will sacrifice valuable free time to play the part of Mystic, he who knows all. His sidekick Hammel the Hamster will participate as well, as sensei to the wise one. Immortalis walks off proudly, signing autographs on his way to his new state-of-the-art four-wheel-drive wagon with 20 horsepower...
Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Author Report Posted October 10, 2001 Racouol *boom*.....*boom*....*boom*....*boom* All of the sudden the door flies open revealing a man that wieghs at least 5 metric tons. "Me be Grrrr..fa...kin" He said in his deep voice. *clang* The unusually fat man then fell to the floor and created an earthquake when he hit the ground. Racouol came walking in with a rather dented frying pan in his hand. "Sorry, I could not allow that thing to be Gyrfalcon. Speaking of that, I would like to play the part of Gyrfalcon."
Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Author Report Posted October 10, 2001 Zool Siskel and Zool give two big thumbs up to Racouol playing the lead... *To the audience; "Boy is he going to get it... BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"*
Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Author Report Posted October 10, 2001 Peredhil31 A tall man with silvered temples stops in front of the frosted glass door and compares the writing on it with the sheet of paper in his hand. "Gyrfalcon, The Movie. An Almost Dragonic Production." In a retrospective moment, he can almost hear Zool on the phone a few days earlier. "P' Baby, I'm telling ya, this will be the hit of yer career, the highlight, the tops." "But I'm-" "Don't interrupt when I'm on a roll. As I was saying, you're a natural for the part. No one understands what you say anyway! Does that scream Mystic to anyone else? I ask you - Incomprehensible, Mystic? Am I right? Am I right?" The sounds of squawks and a rubbery cackle echo from the receiver. Zool's Rubber Chicken nearly always agrees. "Zool, I -" "Don't interrupt. Some people are so hard to help. It'll be the usual Contract of Soul terms, don't worry. I'll send the details right over, contract will follow." "COS, but Zool!" *click* The opening of the door jars him back to the present. Immortalis strides out, bumping him. "Heya Pops!" Taking the paper, Immortalis scrawls an incomprehensible signature across the center. "Here ya go - You've the first autograph of the biggest name in Movies - Immortalis. I'm the next Mystic! By the way - cleaners are supposed to use the back door. See ya!" With a bemused expression, the man watches Immortalis bounce away, autographing pamphlets, a lamp shade and a slow cat. Shrugging, he reaches out, closes the door politely, and leaves the way he came...
Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Author Report Posted October 10, 2001 P51mus Bob the Stone Golem grunts Bob says he would like to be one of the underlings. Bob grunts again Bob says he does not care which underling. And if that is what Sinistro is like I would be glad to play the part. If Grim Squeaker shows up I would let him play the part, but I haven't seen him around the story area yet.
Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Author Report Posted October 10, 2001 Gyrfalcon Peredhil stops as a a square of bright light appeared from the window in the door. With a massive roar, the building is basically destroyed, and only peredhil's magical shields prevent him from being struck down by the flying debris. Down the street, Imortalis stops in mid signature, and the second cat scrambles away. Both instinctivly realize something had angered a very powerful being. A voice from where the building once stood said "Wyvern? Have you ever heard of copyright infringements?" They both slowly turn to see Gyrfalcon floating 20 feet up in the air, holding Wyvern by the throat.
Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Author Report Posted October 10, 2001 Ozymandias "Drat.", says the rubble. Then it moves, shifts, and reveals Ozymandias. Certainly reminds me of Gyrflacon's castle. "Ow. Of course, the first paycheck since my kingdom is leveled and now look. Oh well. At least my unemployment check will still come..."
Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Author Report Posted October 10, 2001 Immortalis Hmmm, Peredhil31, how do you think you can compete in wisdom with a criminally insane ascendant mage and his pet hamster sensei? What makes YOU the perfect cast member? I do believe, however, that mages' prolific perverted pets should not play the part of sidekicks to Sinistro. Let Ozymandias go his way, as he pleases. The wise one has spoken, after a great conference lasting centuries with he who knows all, destroyer of happy hopes, and field general to the criminally insane yet good hearted, Hammel the Hamster
Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Author Report Posted October 10, 2001 Wyvern "AWK, wait... Gyrfalcon... calm down... you're... STRANGLING ME!" Gyrfalcon flys down and drops Wyvern on the ground. After Wyvern has caught his breath, he turns to Gyrfalcon and says: "Gyrfalcon! It's unlike you to get so mad! I was going to talk to you about copy-writes just a BIT in the future, after I had made a cast. I figured you would love the idea of a film with you as the leading role! Wait, we can sort this stuff out later. Now I NEED to form a cast here. So will you let me? PRETTY PLEASE...?!" So far, the roles are as follows: -Racouol as Gyrfalcon -Immortalis/Peredhil31 as Mystic -P51mus as Sinistro -Ozymandias/Bob the Stone Golem as Nemphis (Oh, and Nemphis DOES wear a cloak) -Zools rubber chicken as Terrorizer Parts still needed: -Elemestra, heroine of the film. Love intrest of Gyrfalcon. Female role. -Bardis, Gyrfalcon's faithfull right-hand man. A side-kick, if you will. In addition, if anyone really wants to play a role already taken, see me and we'll work things out. IMPORTANT: For those roles which have more then one person (in this case Mystic and Nemphis), if the actors which wish to be the characters could just tell me what they have to offer for the film or show me their skills (through acting out something), it would greatly aid me in deciding which to choose...
Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Author Report Posted October 10, 2001 Zool *Zool storms back into Wyvern's office. He is wearing a plaid jacket, checkered pants, cream colored platform shoes, and a REALLY bad toupee.* "What? What?! You want second auditions for my client Peredhil? Oh my..." Zool's mouth worked but nothing came out for a moment. "How can you do that?! I thought we had a deal! It was all worked out! Anyway, look at the scenes above - Peredhil's eye for detail, his grasp on reality, his silvered temples! That compared to..." Zool slouched and spoke in a squeaky voice, paradying Immortalis; "How do you think you can compete...?" Immortalis walks in the office door, irritated at Zool's attempts at keeping as much of the film's profits as possible. "There you are Zool!" Immortalis held out an accusing finger up as he spoke. Seeing Immortalis standing in the office doorway Zool paled. "Uh, now, Immortalis, don't get upset... Remember your blood pressure!" "Don't get upset?! Here I am, a struggling actor, trying to find my big break, and you sick that NASTY, MEAN, ILLTEMPERED rubber chicken after me? DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO SLIDE THROUGH THE INTESTINES OF A RUBBER CHICKEN??" Immortalis didn't look very happy. "Err, no," said Zool weakly. "I imagine it would be pretty gross." "Like, Yeah! And while I'm out of the thread, you're hawking your client Peredhil!! Ha! Anyone with any brains would know... Your toupee is on backwards." Zool, who was backed up to the window, turned his eyes upward in a futile attempt to see his hair. Reaching up he lifted off his toupee and turned it around. It looked exactly the same. "Now you will pay!" yelled Immortalis as he lunged for Zool. Zool was caught squarely in the midriff - and they both went flying out of the tower window. It was a long drop. Wyvern turned to his secretary. "When Immortalis find his way back here, show him in. Right now let's take lunch. Peredhil has an appointment later." "It's only 10:00," she said. "We have time."
Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Author Report Posted October 10, 2001 Immortalis Immortalis thanks Zool... Peace has been settled, but Wyvern told me to keep the prolific perverted pet business out of this posting and keep it in the others. Hey, you cajn do what you want because I love this... If Peredhil31 really wants the mystic part then he can have it, for the side-kick Bardis part could also be played by a criminally insane mage guided by a hamster field general. Immortalis is not as insane as he seems Peredhil, he has a good heart... However, I do want the Mystic part dearly...And no, I will not undress for casting or to get to higher positions, and neither will Hammel the Mad. Zool might, though, he's ripped off clothing before.
Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Author Report Posted October 10, 2001 Zool Just try to keep me in my clothes...
Wyvern Posted October 10, 2001 Author Report Posted October 10, 2001 Peredhil31 OOC: I cannot in good faith take up the battle to show who is wiser, for Desire obscures the path to wisdom and striving to prove what is intrinsic only casts Shadows of Light. Be easy my mad friend, for Madness merely reveals a Seeker attempting too many paths, and reconciling none. Find your center, and perhaps you will find your Hamster there too. IC: Peredhil examines his shields carefully, brushing off dust from his shoes, carefully straightening a knife edge trouser seam. Straightening, he listens with keen hearing to the conversation between Gyrfalcon and Wyvern. A faint flush drifts up his neck. "No copywrite? What is this - Bowfinger?" Curving his fingers into a strained Gesture and speaking a Word, a faint shimmer distorts the air. "Zool." A longsuffering impatience tinges the syllable. The shimmer doesn't move. Peredhil sighs slightly. "Alright. The Chicken probably isn't Warded," he muses aloud. Commandingly, "The Rubber Chicken of Zool." The shimmer begins to drift at a walking pace down the street. Picking his way through the rubble, Peredhil follows, pausing only to gaze in curiosity at a long haired Persian with "Immor" scrawled on its side. The shimmer set off on the long journey to Feath's Cleavage, wherein the Rubber Chicken happily lay.
Wyvern Posted October 11, 2001 Author Report Posted October 11, 2001 Gyrfalcon "Trying to cut me out of the profits, eh?" Gyrfalcon snarled. "No, no, not at all! I was going to tell you when the movie had finished selling and I could run away to another serv- ooops...." Wyvern replied, and started to back away. Not quickly enough. Wyvern woke up groaning in pain a few minutes later, wondering where Gyrfalcon had gotten such a big hammer..... "Now, Wyvern, I'm going to get equal profit out of this, right?" Gyrfalcon said, and hefted the hammer again. "Errr.... 80/20? I am a struggeling director..." Wyvern said, trying to negotiate. "Wyvern, 50/50 or I cause you permanant harm." Gyrfalcon said, raising the hammer. Gyrfalcon's eyes held the cold gleam of utter truth. "Errr..... sure! Fine, anything you say.... will you put the hammer down?" Wyvern replied quickly. Gyrfalcon let the hammer disappear.
Wyvern Posted October 11, 2001 Author Report Posted October 11, 2001 P51mus Bob grunts Bob says the only thing he wears is a toga, he doesn't want to be a minion anymore. ...but I'll still be Sinistro. I'll just have to make sure not to go overboard in the role of the evil character...
Wyvern Posted October 11, 2001 Author Report Posted October 11, 2001 Wyvern Immortalis: You'll be Bardis then?! Great! I promise you won't regret it! Things are beginning to clear up on the actor front (thank GOD). As I see it, the roles are now as follows: -Racouol as Gyrfalcon -Immortalis as Bardis -Peredhil31 as Mystic -P51mus as Sinistro -Ozymandias as Nemphis -Zool's rubber chicken as Terrorizer All we need now is a babe to play the part of Elemestra. Come on now. Surely there are some good actresses out there. I impatiently await a response... Now, to solve these budget problems...
Wyvern Posted October 11, 2001 Author Report Posted October 11, 2001 Immortalis Immortalis is happy. Really Wyvern, what type of character is Bardis. Is he the drunken sidekick, because if he is, then you should call in Brute!!! Immortalis graciously accepts his part...And yes, he relly does sign autographs instead of toilet rolls now.
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