Ozymandias Posted February 23, 2002 Report Posted February 23, 2002 Deirdre gladly accepts the real milk and gulps it down happily.She turns back into a mage and walks up to the bartender. Snickering,she pulls out a dagger and starts playing with the bartender who is too frightened to do anything. Deirdre presses the dagger against his neck and slides it down his body,using just enough pressure to make him feel enough pain to hurt him but not to kill him. She sneers at the bartender and warns him not to mess around with her or she'll teach him a nastier lesson the next time round. Deirdre uses her finger and traces his wound slowly and puts her finger into her mouth, tasting his blood slowly. She then licks the blood off the dagger before putting it back up her sleeve. "Nice blood",she smirks at him before returning to her table. Deirdre P.S What does OOC mean?
Ozymandias Posted February 23, 2002 Report Posted February 23, 2002 Gasp! How could you?? how could you do such a horrible and dreadful thing to our Bartender!! He's probably gonna go home and try to get fixed up now, so who's gonna pour the drinks and keep the Tavern functioning now?? And who's gonna wash his pants? OOC: OOC means Out-Of-Character ------------------ Me Mestro, You Jane... Wait one minute, you not Jane!!! ARGHHHHHH...
Ozymandias Posted February 23, 2002 Report Posted February 23, 2002 Since I apparently know how to please the customers, and since my adherence to Sprite keeps me from alcohol, I will take the place of the bartender. Ol' Peculiar, anyone? (smiles and does that pointing thing like the guy on Love Boat). In honor of the fourth page of this post, drinks are on the house today! Decimator Wielder of the Ukulele of Doom Pursuer of Amazonian women S1 Banquet Hall bartender
Ozymandias Posted February 23, 2002 Report Posted February 23, 2002 walks into the hall. since he heard of things like this happening every few days when mages get too drunk, he doesn't mind it much, he just goes straight to decimator and re-reads his account of the happenings "God's holy Trousers!" he says "all these mages experimenting with magic when they're bloody drunk an' bleedin' crazy! A disgarce, it is! Why all these spells and units are enough to make a whole new magic specialty! Burgundy, I'll call it, the color of red red wine. And a proper color I'll make of it too, with summonable flying grapes and recruitable stereotypical frenchies! And one, day, I'll stand before Tzimfemme, not kneel mind you, but stand, and she'll present me with whatever bloody award naked mages present people with..." a whole bunch of mages reply "pardon us while we fall down laughing" which they do to spite impostor. however being drunk and miscoordinated, most of them fall into the pit of hell by accident. *elsewhere, not minding its recent 'setback' (quite literal, actually) a lone German Shepherd Dog follows a scent only he c... *sniff**sniff* he-ey, where'd the scent go?*
Ozymandias Posted February 23, 2002 Report Posted February 23, 2002 Catching sight of something that sure *looks* like his tail, (but could darned easily be an evil impostor!) the Shepherd gives chase. After an exhausting, but rewardinghalf an hour of running around in circles, barking (the miscreant tail being no longer in view), he comes to a gradual stop, facing a new direction. The wind picks up and begins to blow towards him. He sniffs the air. *Hey! There it is! There's the scent! Yess!!* Once again, he is off like a shot. Over hill, and over dale. Through forest, and through swamp... A week later,(don't worry kids, he's a magical doggie. He didn't get tired. Or hungry.) there is a knock at Mestro's front door. Mestro, who just happened to be coming dowstairs right then, ends up at the door before his footmen, so he decides to open it himself for a change. At first, it seems no-one is there. "Ahem", emanates from near his knees. Looking down, Mestro sees a very familiar looking German Shepherd. Looking him straight in the eye, it asks, "You Archmage Mestro?" "Ye-esss..." "Good. You remember about a week ago, doing that whole grapes, potato chips, pushing me through a rift thing?" "Yes..." "I have a message for you." "Well, get on with it, what is it??" The Shepherd promptly bites Mestro on the leg. ------------------ I am Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Ozymandias Posted February 24, 2002 Report Posted February 24, 2002 Vladimir58 walks into the banquet hall, surveys the carnage, and runs out screaming something about Bob, George, and Frank. The hamster he accidentally stepped on (and pretty much killed, let's face it, this guy is huge) manages to squeak in its last breath "well, that was better than being beaten senseless with a ukelale filled with Egg Nog on a cold evening in the antarctic." ------------------ Vladimir (The Fat Man) AFK "I am obese!!"
Ozymandias Posted February 24, 2002 Report Posted February 24, 2002 Finally,the whole thing is over! Deirdre the cat meows and whines at Greased for some fish and threatens to do the following to him if he doesn't give her any fish: Phrase A:*meow meowy meowy meowy meowy meow* Repeat 1000 times Phrase B:*GRRRR growly growly growly growly growl* Repeat 1000 times **Both are to be sung in this pattern:A,B then A,B,....... Greased refuses to and Deirdre starts singing as written above.After hearing the 2 phrases for more than 200 times,Greased starts yeling:"Stop!Stop!Stop the darn tune!I'll give you some fish,ok?!!!" Deirdre the cat refuses to stop until she gets her fish. ************************ 10 mins later,Deirdre gets her fish and stops singing. *meow* Cats RULE!!!!!!!!!
Ozymandias Posted February 24, 2002 Report Posted February 24, 2002 This has been a damn fine thread. Well done, Deirdre... What I could do is edit it slightly for, er, narrative clarity and stick it on the Conservatoryry for posterity and the wonderment of future generations. Any objections?
Ozymandias Posted February 24, 2002 Report Posted February 24, 2002 Hmmm.....thanks a lot! What do you mean by "edit it slightly"? As in what do you intend to change? Deirdre the cat meows and claws him a little to show her thanks.
Ozymandias Posted February 24, 2002 Report Posted February 24, 2002 Suddenly,ten grapes appear out of nowhere.OH NO!The flying grapes have called upon their allies the menacing watermelon nation! the watermelons spew their poison seeds everywhere in the hall....... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ozymandias Posted February 24, 2002 Report Posted February 24, 2002 *A-hem* Having already dispatched the Frenchmen, and having leapt into the hole and climbed back out again after about five minutes (during which there were general sounds of destruction, growls, howls, screams, and things burning), leaving it now very, VERY quiet, Jet Li charges forward to meet the newest produce menace head on. He begins to show signs of breaking a sweat. The fight is not a pretty picture.
Ozymandias Posted February 24, 2002 Report Posted February 24, 2002 A pair of flying fists, feet of fury, and judiciously applied elbows and knees later (as well as a rather impressive headbutt)... The shattered remains of the watermelon nation and last grapes lay over all the banquet hall and banqueters. Drenched in watermelon, but humming happily to himself, Ozymandias has erected 'Please Watch Your Step', 'Do not Leave Children Unattended',and 'Get Your Picture Taken With the World Famous Pit of Hell-Five Geld' signs around the hole. Working with some other mages leaping into the community spirit(!), he begins work on a railing for it, and a historical marker to commemorate this epic (if only semi-coherent) battle. "The tourist revenues alone,"he says brightly,"should keep us all in heroes until well after we retire! That is,", he adds, sweeping a critical eye around his poor, once proud hall,"after the cleanup." Jet Li looks around, nods, and wipes watermelon from his face. Ozymandias bows to him. Li bows in return. "I'll be in my trailer."
Ozymandias Posted February 24, 2002 Report Posted February 24, 2002 Slapping Ozymandias (King of Kings) on the back, Woods conjures up a ukelele and launches into George Formby's 'When I'm cleaning windows' Turned out nice again, hasn't it? Edited by: Ozymandias the Elder at: 2/23/02 12:19:11 pm
Ozymandias Posted February 24, 2002 Report Posted February 24, 2002 Originally posted by Woods, Crooner from Hell: What I could do is edit it slightly for, er, narrative clarity and stick it on the Conservatory for posterity and the wonderment of future generations. Any objections? None here. That was mine own plan, if nobody beat me to it. ------------------ Ozymandias The Intoxicated Edited by: Ozymandias the Elder at: 2/23/02 12:21:57 pm
Ozymandias Posted February 24, 2002 Report Posted February 24, 2002 Originally posted by Woods, Crooner from Hell: Slapping Ozymandias (King of Kings) on the back, Woods conjures up a ukelele and launches into George Formby's 'When I'm cleaning windows' Turned out nice again, hasn't it? "Quite. And I, for one am going back to my realm to shower." He scurries for the door, wanting to avoid the one last scene of mob justice that invariably closes out any Surfing Druids gig. Unable to help himself, though, he stops in the doorway and yells, "Bartender! Drinks for everyone!! On you, or I'll sic Steinbeck on you again!! Good man!" And hurries away.
Ozymandias Posted February 24, 2002 Report Posted February 24, 2002 Yo-yokirby sets up his booth again with a new sign: "Get it here! The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes II($4.95) AND (new) "5 Steps to Hamster Dancing" ($3.95) His friend, SuperKirby comes in. He is persuaded ( ) to buy 10 copys of both. P.S. Ch-ching ch-ching, you can almost hear it coming from Yo-yokirby. Edited by: Ozymandias the Elder at: 2/23/02 12:25:14 pm
Ozymandias Posted February 24, 2002 Report Posted February 24, 2002 I'll add my cheers to you, Deirdre. Good show! And thank you. This was a *lot* of fun. ------------------ I am Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Ozymandias Posted February 24, 2002 Report Posted February 24, 2002 Decimator simply shakes his head, relieved that no kumquats or boysenberries came. The last time that happened...oh boy. Decimator Wielder of the Ukulele of Doom
Ozymandias Posted February 24, 2002 Report Posted February 24, 2002 Just before he walks out the door, Dameon looks back at the black mage and says "Oh, that was me. Damn chair." He turns to leave and doesn't notice the chair sneaking up behind him. The chair grins and jumps at Dameon's buttocks "OWWWWWW!!!! SOMETHING BIT ME!!!!!" Dameon screams ------------------ Dameon Wandering Bard Of Terra
Ozymandias Posted February 24, 2002 Report Posted February 24, 2002 Deirdre looks at the chair in horror and screams:"It's not dead yet!Oh my God....Oh my God!" She bolts to Greased's side and summons Orlan to help her. While waiting for Orlan to help her, Deirdre quickly tries to fight with the chair....... Unfortunately her paws get stuck in its big mouth and Deirdre cringes in pain as the chair bites them........ *sob.....sob......It hurts!!!!!!!!.....sniff sniff.....* Edited by: Ozymandias the Elder at: 2/23/02 12:31:25 pm
Ozymandias Posted February 24, 2002 Report Posted February 24, 2002 ans along comes arkyn with his pet dragons and see poor deirdre stuck to the chair.. he looks at his dragon and thinks to himself.. what better way is there than to roast a cat for dinner? so arkyn slaps his dragons butt and it spits out a fireball to burn the chair with deirdre the cat on it. *yumm, dont that smell nice" Edited by: Ozymandias the Elder at: 2/23/02 12:30:18 pm
Ozymandias Posted February 24, 2002 Report Posted February 24, 2002 Poor Deirdre,Arkyn's apprentice wails for someone to help her. She can't imagine that her mentor is trying to roast her for his dinner......... *sob....sob* Suddenly Deirdre realizes what's wrong! Her mentor is under demonic posession!!!!!! "Everyone stay out of his way!!!!!!" she yells at the top of her voice.
Ozymandias Posted February 24, 2002 Report Posted February 24, 2002 umm could you change the "stay out of his way" to "give him your lands"??
Ozymandias Posted February 24, 2002 Report Posted February 24, 2002 "YOU IDIOT! You don't eat CATS!" screamed Decimator. "You eat DOGS!" Everyone turns to look at him in amazement. "Ever heard of a BLT? Black Labrador on Toast. Quite tasty...Just kidding, sheesh." Decimator gets his first aid kit out and begins to treat Deirdre's wounds. Decimator Wielder of the Ukulele of Doom
Ozymandias Posted February 24, 2002 Report Posted February 24, 2002 NewtLord suddenly crashed to the earth (for the second time today). As he regained his composure and dusted himself off, he glared at Ozymandias, who had the nerve to leave him hanging in the air like that. But this was soon forgotten because of the chaos that now surrounded the bewildered newt. He looked around, and saw that the battle was not well for the BanquetHalleers. It became apparent quickly though, that the mages were only leveling roughly 1/4 of their might against the insidious forces of the opposition. All of the TFB mages were still proudly singing, despite the grape jam and the fact that they were singing backwards. However, the majority of the mages had taken to senselessly beating the inanimate furniture around them, for fear they meet with the same fate as Diedre. NewtLord uncharacteristically quickly realized the dilemma, and decided that in order to win this day the mages would need to be focused toward a single objective. He singled out the apparent leader of the whole fracas--the giant watermellon (who was now busy spitting seeds at Decimator). The Lord strode towards the giant mellon, and in a clear strong voice he addressed it: "Halt, Giant Mellon! And know this--you will never see your diabolical plan to its fruitation!" Suddenly the newt was being pelted all around by mashed grapes, and he realized all-too-late that his efforts had indeed united the Banquet Hall mages.....Against him! ------------------ NewtLord Shaolin Temple Edited by: Ozymandias the Elder at: 2/23/02 12:39:28 pm
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