Irish Eyes

[Guest Melba]

(Conversion confusion, this is the second post in this thread)

 

 

 

Melba sopped at her spilled coffee grimly, then raised her head in a fixed smile at Lord Haruchi.

 

Welcome!

 

The Elder is not in at the moment! Speaking of potatoes, vodka is available at the Bar just down the corridor beyond that door. She opens a drawer and removes a voucher.

 

Just give this coupon to Guido (the Bartender, not the Pig,) and you're first drink is free.

 

Examining the story closely, Melba frowns and turns it over.

 

This really IS lovely, but don't you think you should fill out an application?

 

Elder Wyvern is a bit sticky about proper forms and paperwork.

 

With the word 'sticky' she starts and then begins dabbing at her coffee with a small napkin.

[Guest Haruchi]

(Conversion confusion, this is the original post in this thread)

 

 

 

I could not believe my eyes. I had always regarded such creatures as little more than the baseless speculations of the thin-willed, the emotionally incontinent and the feeble-horned. And yet, there I was, confronting a veritable horde of the many-eyed.

 

I prodded one gently with a hoof, all too aware that it was far too early to consider stamping out proof of a legend. The fear of stirring one in into wrath slowly ebbed, as it lay there, with all it's kin, unmoving, unmoved.

 

I snorted softly, the cold clamping hold of my breath and stretching it into trails of vapour which it flung upon the ground, cladding the small-yet-fierce in watery sequins.

 

I turned to find my companions. He was busy hiding his pot of gold, marking the spot with a four leaf clover before he would give me his full attention. Irritated, I neighed fiercely, rearing and disembowelling the sky.

 

She turned away from him with a spring smile. Her dainty feet painted the moss a hue darker, before her human scents garlanded me. "What is it, Unicorn?" she said, digging for tranquility with her maiden's fingers near the base of my horn.

 

I snorted once more and pawed at the ground. Her eyes followed, opened like a window before the blinds came down. Her brow was writ with fear.

 

"No! It cannot be!"

 

Our other companion walked out of a mushroom. "T'be sure," he crooned, "Ye be wailing like a banshee, and o'er what, colleen?"

 

His golden gaze turned to silver. His jigging turned to contemplation, his hand turned to a scratched ear.

 

"T'ey be what I b'thinkin', aye?"

 

Both my maiden and I nodded to the leprechaun.

 

He wailed, tearing at his beard, cursing the many-eyed ones who had brought the old Eire so low. "Who'da tought tey'd find us ere!"

 

We stood, silent and solemn. The sun had spent it's seed, and the night's womb slowly rounded before we spoke. The many-eyed beasts had ruled Eire in their day, until we had used our magicks to fight back. The Great War had lasted many years, and we had driven the many-eyed back to the shores, slain thousands of their mixed-breed slaves. We'd wrought all roads straight until none but the wisest could follow them, and thus found safety from them, but still they'd followed us. We'd torn the Eire of old away from the new, made fertile our hopes with our dreams, yet still they'd followed us. We, the true kin of the land, had thought ourselves safe, but now knew ourselves wrong. We could squeeze ourselves into the space between one moment and the next, but finally we knew the truth. Eire was doomed, for none, not even we, could escape the potatoes.

 

THE END

 

 

Or perhaps the beginning, if Wyv will point me to the bar and get me drunk enough to keep writing

[Guest Haruchi]

You know what? I never really liked vodka.

 

/me wanders out in search of a beer, back the way he came.

[Yui-chan]

" Ie, ie! Haruchi-sama, ikanai kudasaimasu!" The ebon-cloaked figure fizzles into place, hoping to stop Haruchi in time. "Your writing is excellent... Will you let me entertain you while our busy Elder tries to catch up?" Her form wavers, then steadies, and she attempts a friendly smile and a bow.

 

" Temae Yui desu. Hasimemasita. I don't suppose you fancy foreign beers? I've some Heineken to share..."

[Guest Haruchi]

Haruchi wonders if this is the right time to tell Yui that the only Japanese he knows was learnt at the local sushi bar.

 

"Sushi sashimi, sukiyaki teppanyaki!" he blurts, and then after a moment's thought murmurs, "Hentai."

 

He clears his throat and adopts a brisk manner. "It would seem that Master Almost and I regard this from widely seperated viewpoints. Being almost at the top of the foodchain, Master Wyvern naturally regards an application as being the first page in a tale, which he, along with other Pensters, would create with the applicant. Therefore, the onus lies upon him to ensure that his contribution to the tale is one which meets his own exacting standards. In light of that, and the sheer volume of ink required, one can readily understand any delays."

 

"However," Haruchi continues, hands clasped behind his back like a slipper-wearing King escaped from a Rogers and Hammerstein musical, "I habitually regard such things as formalities, to be gotten out of the way as quickly as possible so as not to interfere with the real business at hand. I require ready and frequent amusement. The stately pace of these Halls begs respect for them, and as such my frantic pacing would be improper."

 

Clearing his throat with a dictatorial cough, Haruchi nods, his chin stabbing at his breast. "That and I really prefer tap beer, I'm afraid."

 

He winks at Yui, and swipes the Heineken before gathering his robes around his ankles and running away like a sissy.

 

 

ps I forgot to mention I know what 'sama' means. I read 'Shogun', once, you see

[Jechum]

Jechum floats in...

 

And some of our members think they're impatient!

 

Haruchi... after you finish your beer I welcome you to post in our forums. Personally I'm a rum and coke man, and my three best friends are Jim, Jack, and Johnny. So I'm afraid I can't talk much on the topic of beer.

 

I’m starting to believe that our Almost Dragon has added another requirement to see if people really want to be members of the Pen. Patience is a virtue and I think I will support him on it, for now.

 

Jechum floats out...

 

OCC: One must remember that we all have things that come up. Hopefully we all look at this site a place of to relax and have some fun. Sometimes we just don't have time for fun, even Elders.

 

Jechum Newbie, Mage of Shadows

the Pen is Mightier than the Sword - Lore Master

[Guest Haruchi]

Ok, Jechum, I know you mean well in what you've said. There was an element of rebuke for my lack of patience though, and in that light ...

 

I'd agree patience, in most circumstances, is a fine and necessary requirement. I am however a tad peeved at being ASKED to apply, not asking, writing the application within an hour of being asked, happily accepting Wyv's declerations of being busy (which really is fine, RL comes first) but still being kept hanging. My point here is that a member has been admitted in the meanwhile, so my original belief (in Wyv's lack of time) seems incorrect. If the application truly was a mere formality, what's the problem? If it was not a mere formality, then it would have been fair to let me know ahead of time, and say that I'll be judged on such things as patience or a member's vote or whatever criteria you have. You, as a group, may have the capacity to establish whatever criteria for membership you wish. Given that you, Jechum, have just suggested that keeping me waiting is deliberate, I can only express my extreme disappointment. That's very manipulative behaviour, and I do not like it. Not one bit.

[Wyvern]

Haruchi, before I begin my acceptance, note that I haven't ignored your application. If I have accepted other applications before yours, they were posted before you had applied. I get through them one at a time, by the order in which they were posted. I'm very sorry for the lateness, and hope you'll still want to become part of the membership...

 

"...and so..." concludes Haruchi in a deep and serious voice cold enough to bring even the mighty towel salesman Jechum to his knees, "...I have been left extremly dissapointed, and I'm leaving!"

 

With that, Haruchi turns to go and is about to exit the office door when it suddenly slams open and narrowly misses his face. Haruchi takes three lithe steps backwards as the Elder of Initiates barges into the office and immediatly gets to his desk. The lizard begins brushing off dust and sorting through enormous stacks of unfinished papers. Haruchi grumbles... He then frowns, clears his throat, and speaks up:

 

"Wyvern... I must say that I'm furious with you... leaving me to wait here for such a long period o-"

 

Haruchi is interrupted in mid-sentence as Wyvern raises a hand to silence him. Silently, the overgrown lizard walks up to the impatient applicant and hands him what appears to be a small brass key.

 

"Go open that closet in the far corner of the room" mumbles Wyvern, quickly getting back to his desk and the arrangment of his papers.

 

Still angry at the time he was kept waiting, Haruchi is never the less curious as to why Wyvern would want him to inspect his closet. He shrugs, and then mutters:

 

"Fine... I might as well open it. It'll be my last contribution to the Pen anyway..."

 

As Haruchi approaches the closet, Jechum rapidly hobbles towards the Elder of Initiates desk and whispers hoarsely into Wyvern's ear "You're exposing him to ' the' closet?! Are you sure of yourself? Last I remember, there was abestos in there..."

 

But before Wyvern can even respond, Haruchi has placed the key in the appropriate hole on the closet door and turned it to the right. As the closet door menacingly creaks open, the lighting of the office is suddenly dimmed and a translucent red glow emerges from within the closets depths...

 

Wyvern goes through the papers on his desk as if nothing were happening.

 

Haruchi takes a few steps back and gazes in awe.

 

Jechum's face distorts into a grimace of horror before he has a chance to mutter "Dear Lord... what have we done?!"

 

The closet door then swings fully open... the effects are unbelievable.

 

First comes a cloud of some unidentifiable dusty substance, which is emitted by various fungi which have grown onto the closet floor, walls, and ceiling. Haruchi and Jechum cough and brush away the dust the best they can while Wyvern puts a clip on his nose and continues sorting through his papers...

 

The second effect of the closet opening is four cobweb covered skeletons, which collapse onto the floor as soon as the door is fully open. Haruchi stares in horror at the sheets of paper the skeletons have in their hands: intiate applications! By the looks of things, they had become totally ignored and had been struggling with all their might to get out of the closet. God only knows how long they had waited for their applications to be processed... or their disappointment when they found that instead of being accepted, they were going to have to spend the rest of their lives in some crummy closet surviving off of whatever fungi they could find on the walls. Although in those dark caverns, even thoughts of cannibilism were by no means unnatural...

 

The third effect of the door opening is an enormous flock of bats, which fly directly over the heads of Haruchi and Jechum and out the open office window.

 

Jechum quickly rushes and shuts the closet door before the final affect occurs, as there appeared to be some kind of green ooze seeping from the cracks in the closet floor...

 

As soon as the closet door is shut, the dim red glow fades and the office lighting goes back to normal. This is perfectly timed, as at the same time Wyvern finds Haruchi's application and stamps it 'ACCEPTED'. Turning to the astonished applicant and handing him his accepted app in one hand while pointing to the skeletons with the other, Wyvern murmers:

 

"Haruchi buddy... while I understand your anger at the time it took to process this app, take a look at our four friends on the floor... Now those guys, THEY'VE been waiting a 'long time'..."

 

 

OOC: As usual, Haruchi, your application is both highly original and extremly well written. Your comedy remains unrivalled even in this community of great posters. A big, fat 'ACCEPTED'

 

 

[image]http://www.legion-whiterose.com/signatures/aoa/wyv.gif[/image]

 

------------------------------

Almost a Dragon...

"My life is one big crime, I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense"

 

Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze.

Edited by: Wyvern00  at: 11/27/01 8:53:41 pm

[Jechum]

(* OCC: Haruchi... one is character trying to explain delays... the other OCC was trying to let you know what was going on without going into personal details. I've never claimed to be a great writer! I'm sorry for any confusion, my poor writing skills may have caused. *)

Jechum Newbie, Mage of Shadows

 

the Pen is Mightier than the Sword - Lore Master

[Guest lumpenproletariat]

(OOC: Hello, Australian )