Guest opesopacus Posted August 22, 2002 Report Posted August 22, 2002 we go through this again and again and again and again I am worthless. Not my fault I was born ; yours. I’ve never been good enough for anything I deserve nothing. NOTHING. I have no value. I am worthless = piece of @#%$ so why must I live ? why ? ? I hate this. I elude myself into thinking that there will be something better I hope. all I have is hope. it’s what I live off of. it’s what keeps me alive. hope for a better tomorrow. hope that one day I will mean something. that I’ll do Something to deserve someone’s love and respect ; unconditionally. I know that can never be but I keep on hoping. and dreaming. and eluding myself. it’s what keeps me alive.
Guest opesopacus Posted August 22, 2002 Report Posted August 22, 2002 well... this is it, my lords and ladies... the last 30 or so poems were all from a collection entitled BOOK OF SHADOWS ; BOOK OF ILLUMINATIONS... can you guess my situation ? ...doesn't matter... anyways, no come the newbies... the new generation... it would be nice if *someone* would respond ...
Peredhil Posted August 22, 2002 Report Posted August 22, 2002 Peredhil Dances in lightly. I would reply, but I'm not certain what to say... You have power in your words. The selection and rhythm of your speech belays the message of worthlessness, shining like a light through a veil of leaded glass. Unfortunately, the transforming light doesn't illuminate a stained glass window of beauty, but rather jagged images of pain. Sensitive as I am to the power of Words, I can sip your cup only in small, small amounts, lest I be over-whelmed. Thus I'm far behind in reading your prolific outpouring. You have talent and skill. But the subject matter resonated pain within me, with no cathartic release in the material, no ray of hope peeping through. I'll have to leave it to someone more inured to give you the rational feedback you deserve. I apologize for my lack in your situation. And he spins away... Elrond Peredhil, 31 Ancient of the Pen
The Portrait of Zool Posted August 22, 2002 Report Posted August 22, 2002 "I hope. all I have is hope." Isn't 'hope' where you have trust and faith that your condition will improve? "I know that can never be but I keep on hoping. and dreaming. and eluding myself." Like Master P said, your message is one of pain (not hope). You do indeed have a way with words - a very valuable way, I agree. But the second quote rather sums up your BOOK OF SHADOWS in theme. I don't know your situation - if you are in immediate danger then something must be done. There must be a relative or a trustworthy authority figure around somewhere you can turn to. If your trouble is more metaphysical in nature due to some previous or contemporary trauma then you should ask for help. We all need help sometimes. There is no shame in it. Take care of yourself - Our selves is all any of us really have in this world, and from the looks of your writing you also have MUCH to give the world. Don't throw it all away simply for a lack of resolve in nurturing yourself. Email me anytime. papa_k3n@yahoo.com
Guest opesopacus Posted August 23, 2002 Report Posted August 23, 2002 i thank everyone for their care and concern... i am not in any immediate danger... the darkness of these poems, to a certain extent surprises even me... i write when i feel angry, vulnerable. these emotions bring out fear... possibly the darkest human emotion... so the poems turn out very dark... i think they're just a manifestation of a side of me that needs to be expressed. sometimes that side wants to be acknowledged. sometimes discontent longs for attention... that's when these poems are written.... im not sure whether im covering up a side of myself or if im overdramatizing... anyways, it feels good to get these poems out of me... thanks for listening...
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