Guest opesopacus Posted August 18, 2002 Report Posted August 18, 2002 you make me destroy myself rape me of my gifts I hate you you think you love me but you destroy me your words : iron butterflies ; sting they cut my face leave me purple , blue , yellow deep deep cuts wounds and salty tears you make me hurt myself your @#%$ love if this is love I don’t need it I don’t want it I can’t believe this is love you make me destroy myself ; anything I ever had I hurt I damage It’s gone because you make me destroy myself
Peredhil Posted October 23, 2003 Report Posted October 23, 2003 This is one reason I look through old entries. I wonder sometimes why some works get no responses? Horrified? No clue what to say? Just think the person wants attention? This poster is right - what they show isn't love. But... They went away from the Pen thinking no one read these, no one cared enough to even say, "ouch". On this as some of this authors other words, I find interesting almost hidden messages in the choice of formatting and line breaks, once I read past the pain.
Regel Posted October 24, 2003 Report Posted October 24, 2003 Dear Peredhil, The world can be a festering sore for some people. As I look around me in this world, I see so many people struggling for outside exceptance. Inner strength comes from the understanding that we are all god's creatures. That when no one else cares or loves us, god does. My self worth comes from that belief. When abuse came my way and someone knocked me down (verbally or physically) I didn't always have the strength to fight back, but I knew in my own mind it was wrong and that I did not deserve this treatment. My defiance came as a result of this knowledge that it wasn't my fault and that I have value. As a result I have been beaten, but never broken. I hope that those of you that read this understand that the evil in this world will attempt to directly assault this belief in order to break your spirit and control both your mind and body. It saddens me to think of person who wrote this (cry for help) piece went unanswered. I understand that shock can turn people into statues. People do care but we aren't always the answer. That person needs to seek help first of all from within.
Peredhil Posted October 24, 2003 Report Posted October 24, 2003 Nods I think I understand what you mean, Regel, 'cause that's where I am now. I'm free to be strong or weak or whatever, because I know God has my back. And I know it from experience in my life, the last 20 years. But... I remember the first 20 years, when I thought I was doing the right thing, was mouthing the right words - but still failed. When I went seeking through many many religions and paths, trying a lot of things - and they failed. I even remember the times I was so low, and so suicidal - that I felt like such an outsider, that I didn't think anyone cared, even God. Or if God cared, it was because I was so screwed up, He didn't want me either. While I now know how wrong my perceptions were - that's what I felt then. I still can look at many of my friends and see them struggling without the inner strength and identity I found. Some of them, having known me for a long time, are willing to admit that God works in my life - but make it something special about me, instead of God, which is upsidedown! Because I've never forgotten how it feels to be an outsider, to feel rejected, to feel lost or worthless - when I read something like this instead of affirming my beliefs to them, unless I get prompted by the Big Guy, I usually just try to listen and let them know *I* care. I'm there, they can see me, test me, and see if I'm sincere and real. Remembering how it felt before I accepted God, I find for me, that preaching at someone this wounded is like telling someone depressed to just cheer up, or someone with a broken leg to just ignore it. I kinda view it as stopping the arterial bleeding before I make suggestions on not playing with knives. I wish everyone had the strength and certainty I've found. Not that the storms of life don't come, but that I have an umbrella and a rock on which I can cling, and I know that if I just hold on, I'm guaranteed to survive the storm. I don't know - maybe that's just me. I can look at my birth family and see other ways of sharing God's love, that work for them just as well as this works for me. Maybe you're more like one of them. Which is another nice thing I like - God is a God of individuals, and willing to work with each person differently. Umm, we know direct you back to your regularly scheduled poetry readings...
WrenWind Posted October 24, 2003 Report Posted October 24, 2003 Love it when you two get going *smiles* Lots of food for thought. I have been lucky here when things have been difficult and I have writen something that shows pain you have both been there for me as have a few other members. Thank you for being you. It does point out though and make me realize I should try a little hard to take time and read more of what is here and to give my support too.
Canid Posted October 26, 2003 Report Posted October 26, 2003 *Canid coughs and begs audience with the repliers.* I am an insider on all this, being opesopacus' friend, so I thouht I'd set your minds at ease a bit. opes' Mother tends to be rather unreasonable and nag non-stop. Such an ongoing strain within family causes her a lot of stress and frustration, which she let out for a while in this form - she likes to use strong wording... She is a balanced individual with confidence in her abillities(and a very bright future). Just thought you'd like to know.
reverie Posted October 26, 2003 Report Posted October 26, 2003 ...has beautiful structure the ghost of e.e. cummings would approve i think... revery the dreamlost "i love everyone, except the people I hate...(me)" the dream continues...
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