Guest Rezure Posted August 3, 2002 Report Posted August 3, 2002 The Shoemaker's Poem I thought if I could start a book then it would write itself and all I'd have to do is wait then place it on my shelf I thought if I would fall in love then she would love me too and I would only need to dream for my dreams to come true I wrote three stanzas of this poem I'll leave it for the night. Some elves will come to finish it - I think - I hope I'm right. -- The Dilemma (a song) We need to fight the powers that be I'll strike the match so that all can see And then everyone will agree There's better ways to live Of course at first I'll have to lead Until we eliminate all greed I'll give to everyone what they need And take all they can give But Baby, it's not that simple Our situation's very strange I don't know what I can arrange I'm powerless when it comes to change So I won't even try Please flip the switch so I can see Find the remote for my TV Don't talk of social remedy When one day all will die But Baby, it's not that simple. - Lastly if I may be so bold as to say: Xradion, when making his (at times awesome and definitely brilliantly conceived) "Egg Cycle" forgot (purposefully omitted?) two ways of egg preparation: Raw and Eggs Benedict. I thought about posting this poem in his thread, buyt decided it would be kinda presumptuous of me. After all, I'm not exactly a poet here, like he is. So here goes: Benedict Speak Kindly And heed well The tales your elders tell Don't mind if the welters swell And hide the bruises. If you speak up now, everyone loses I have to tell you as a Brother our duty is to protect each other for the Son and the Father and the Holy Ghost see more clearly than most. They possess unblemished vision In the end, it's their decision - All you'd do is breed division! Better leave these words unspoken Until the Lord gives us a token. The yolk is scooped out, unbroken And put inside another egg. And, you know it takes a man to beg For Forgiveness. -- Now that I think about it, that would prolly work better if it wasn't an egg poem... oh well... +++Rezure+++ Edited by: Rezure at: 8/3/02 1:35:35 pm
The Portrait of Zool Posted August 3, 2002 Report Posted August 3, 2002 These are all really great! The Shoemaker's Poem: I love this. In fact, I think in MY next attempt at cleverness, I'll let the critique-Elves finish the comments on this poem! (How clever is that? ) Very well done. Very thought provoking about one's own situation and complicity. The Dilemma (the song) Great song! It even includes the requisite "Baby"! The first two stanzas are a microcosm of revolution and eventual human subservience in the name of 'What's best for them.' The next two stanzas flip the coin around illustrating powerlessness and futlity, especially as expressed in the lines; "Don't talk of social remedy When one day all will die" As if since our selves and actions will not last an eternity then there is no reason to do anything. Again, very well done. Benedict This is great. Interesting synthesis of the 'egg' concept and what I take to mean man's inhumanity to man, given dimension with a spiritual twist by placing the trinity as man's saviour, as detailed in the first three stanzas. Finally, in the last stanza, it is shown that for the 'yolk' to be scooped out and put in another 'egg' is an act of courage - of stepping up and submitting to the higher authority, presumably to avoid the self-destructive tendencies shown in the first stanza. Again again, very well done Rez. ~Zool~ Ancient, The Pen is Mightier than the Sword. Bard of Terra, Patron Saint of Aspiring Bards. Master of Magic and Mayhem, The Moonlit Realm Elder than dirt, more foolish than a jester, able to trip over the smallest logic in a single step. It's... Oh, you know.
Guest Rezure Posted August 3, 2002 Report Posted August 3, 2002 wow, thanks, Zool! It's funny, in the way Zool interpreted one of the poems, he interprets it in a more interesting way than I'd planned. I feel sort of like the guy who makes a clever pun simply through an accidental spelling mistake. I love it when that happens. )))Rezure(((
Annael Posted August 6, 2002 Report Posted August 6, 2002 hmm...do the elves come in the night and finish other things too? I've got this half painted picture.... Well done, I enjoyed all of the poems.
Guest Xradion Posted August 6, 2002 Report Posted August 6, 2002 I greatly enjoyed these poems as well! The first one reminds me very much of a friend of mine, who has the "ideal" image of how everything should work out, and is always depressed or disappointed that things just don't work themselves out that way for the most part. He is in many ways "the shoemaker" of your poem. Now, on to your second poem. I admire your strong social consciousness. It is my personal belief that one of the goals of art should be to get us to reflect upon ourselves as a society in an attempt to bring about a change for the better. I sympathize with your call for social justice, while at the same time agree with your statement that "it's not that simple." We difinately have to keep different perspectives in mind. Thanks for your praise of my "Egg Poems," by the way. I always appreciate getting feedback. I didn't do a "raw" poem simply because I couldn't think of anything drastically different from "Hard Boiled" to use for it. My omission of "Eggs Benedict" stemmed primarily from the fact that I have an association between Eggs Benedict and Benedict Arnold. As a result, I couldn't really think of a theme for that poem, but I really enjoyed what you did here. Since Zool already commented on the poem, I will merely add to what he has said by suggesting that the final image of the poem (that of the yolk being transferred to a new egg) also reminded me very much of the ressurection of Christ and the hope for the birth of a new society (suggesting then that the first step to salvation is forgiveness and understanding). Well, that's about all I have to contribute for now but KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!! Xradion, The Horny Druid, Scholar of the Ancient Arts, Holder of the Eye of Odin. "The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream." -Wallace Stevens "When at home, do as the Homans do." –Xradion
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