The Portrait of Zool Posted July 11, 2002 Report Posted July 11, 2002 (Conversion Confusion, this is actually the second post in this thread) Another excellent poem Wyv. I am impressed. ~Zool~ Ancient, The Pen is Mightier than the Sword. Bard of Terra, Patron Saint of Aspiring Bards. Master of Magic and Mayhem, The Moonlit Realm Elder than dirt, more foolish than a jester, able to trip over the smallest logic in a single step. It's... Oh, you know.
Yui-chan Posted July 11, 2002 Report Posted July 11, 2002 (Conversion Confusion, this is actually the third post in this thread) I agree with Zool, Wyvern. This is a lovely work, beautiful for its raw reality. The imagery is simple but striking, encompassing in a few short lines an entire neighborhood or type of life. I feel like the person huddled in the corner of the apartment, listening to all the sounds through the walls around her, and I think that's the sign of just how effective the poem is. Great work!
Lady Celes Crusader Posted July 11, 2002 Report Posted July 11, 2002 (Conversion Confusion, this is actually the fourth post in this thread) Indeed, my comments will be similar to what Yui already said. Great work, greedy lizard. Well, at least, you share your talent to us all
Wyvern Posted July 11, 2002 Report Posted July 11, 2002 (Conversion Confusion, this is actually the original post for this thread) Gusts of wind slowly blowing through an open window Buzzing of a fly caught in a silent crescendo Dripping of a water faucet leaking in vain Accompanied by gentle sounds of pattering rain Quiet fizzing of a beer glass no longer in use Head of needle puncturing an opening obtuse Sudden sound of screeching tires on wet cement Sighs of ecstasy float from passions unspent Distant sounds of spray cans busy at work Coughing from a crack pipe carefully burnt Fevered sniffing of insomniacs trying to sleep Figdeting of blankets due to lack of heat Grumbeling of stomaches praying for food Creakings of a dying ceiling setting the mood An unheard orchestra playing without a care Interrupted by blaring sirens And pistols in the air [image]http://members.shaw.ca/kea/am/wyvy.jpg[/image] ------------------------------ Almost a Dragon... "My life is one big crime, I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense" Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze. Edited by: Wyvern00 at: 7/11/02 12:24:10 am
Canid Posted July 11, 2002 Report Posted July 11, 2002 Gorgeous piece! *Canid decides that she likes the word "crescendo".* I particularly like this first two lines... Though that isn't hard to guess as I'm a nature lover.... *Canid thinks your poem is beautiful and applauds to the best of her ability; which isn't very good as it is hard to clap with paws...*
Rahsash Geldich Posted July 11, 2002 Report Posted July 11, 2002 I echo Yui in that it is eloquent but turns unexpectedly dark, yet never loses the eloquence. Nice work.
Gyrfalcon Posted July 12, 2002 Report Posted July 12, 2002 What words can I add that have not already been said? Good work, Wyvern. *Gyrfalcon applauds*
Guest Xradion Posted July 12, 2002 Report Posted July 12, 2002 Reminds me a little of Aesop Rock's 6B Panorama. The sensory detail you give in your poetry always seems so vivid. I also like the way in which you structure the entire poem as sort of a silent crescendo in itself. At first, the images and sounds are quiet and beautiful in a less thought of sort of way. However, the sounds and images gradually become darker, louder and more violent until the resounding ending chords. Nice job! Well met, my friend. It seems that your poetic talent may well exceed my own, so definately keep it up! Xradion, The Horny Druid, Scholar of the Ancient Arts, Holder of the Eye of Odin. "The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream." -Wallace Stevens "When at home, do as the Homans do." –Xradion Edited by: Xradion at: 7/12/02 3:55:08 am
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