Wyvern Posted July 4, 2002 Report Posted July 4, 2002 One eyed captain, a black patch covers his good eye Blindly steering a ship of lust in an awkward direction For angles in which his compass points, a sole truth dies The same position which once won him love and affection The compass of his soul leading to only sin and lies It's coordinates overused in the journey for perfection Sailing on a sea of greed and desperatly trying to hide His parents words when they spoke of a misconception Pushing through mists of remorse, losing track of time Praying only that he'll survive the dark clouds of rejection Unprepared for rougher weather, shaken by a bumpy ride Longing once again for those blue skies of protection A bolt of lightening hits, triggered by a selfish cry Of shameless spite mixed with self hate and aggression And as the captain sinks so does the treasure of his mind A lost talent in an unfair process of selection. [image]http://members.shaw.ca/kea/am/wyvy.jpg[/image] ------------------------------ Almost a Dragon... "My life is one big crime, I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense" Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze. Edited by: Wyvern00 at: 7/3/02 11:54:13 pm
Guest DoPeY24 Posted July 4, 2002 Report Posted July 4, 2002 very well done if i do say so myself, u know wyv, u should try and get on IRC more we need a vol. 3 to add to our freestyles -DoPeY Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?
Guest Xradion Posted July 6, 2002 Report Posted July 6, 2002 Very nice! I like both the meaning and your form very much. It's a typical ABAB rhyme scheme with a little twist. The "A" lines are have assonant rhyme, while the B lines have consonant rhyme. Your comparison between the captain's physical sight and his inner insight is compelling. I really like what you did both with that image, and that of the compass. How the "One Truth" becomes blurry, and steers the captain down the road of perdition as he looses the capacity for innovation in the pursuit of material ends. This poem has echoes of Moby Dick in the captain's ultimately self-destructive monomaniacal pursuit of an end. After having so many conversations about rap and spoken word poetry with you, I'm almost certain that the idea of artists selling out and consequently losing their capacity for artistic insight was going through your mind when you wrote this. This poem also reminds me a lot of Blackalicious' "Deception," but I like your poem a lot better. Here, the process of selection itself is unfair, but unavoidable. On the whole, your poem is concise, and at the same time gets its meaning across very well. Well met! Xradion, The Horny Druid, Scholar of the Ancient Arts, Holder of the Eye of Odin. "The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream." -Wallace Stevens "When at home, do as the Homans do." –Xradion Edited by: Xradion at: 7/6/02 6:17:27 pm
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