Nyyark Posted June 6, 2002 Report Posted June 6, 2002 My harp plays chords to a stairway of candles Because my armor is laid to rest on my Mantle, Golden strings of a dim flame in my chest are plucked, Reverberation through-out, harmonized, my soul is Rocked. Amber and Gold touched with age, A honey gold light on an old page. Time passes and leaves me crying. The chill Autumn breeze, and the twilight of spring, Outlines against the skies, a black crow's wing. The unadmired beauty is set in itself, Shattering as I weep for it. A coin cries out as it is dropped, The metallic ring to time is lost And the world still moves on. But my heart stays still, And holds on to the sunset, The horizon fades before me And my tears taste of salt. Edited by: Nyyark at: 6/11/02 5:59:44 pm
The Portrait of Zool Posted June 7, 2002 Report Posted June 7, 2002 This poem resonates with... reminiscances. (sp?) Beautifully done. I would love to see a counterpart about living in the moment, now. ~Zool~ Ancient, The Pen is Mightier than the Sword. Bard of Terra, Patron Saint of Aspiring Bards. Elder than dirt, more foolish than a jester, able to trip over the smallest logic in a single step. It's... Oh, you know.
Rahsash Geldich Posted June 7, 2002 Report Posted June 7, 2002 This poem reminds me of music, how even if the words don't seem to fit, the more you see it, the deeper and more meaningful it gets to you. And rather suddenly, you get this feeling of settling, and it all makes sense and you feel the melody all the better. Well done.
Guest Xradion Posted June 7, 2002 Report Posted June 7, 2002 Nice job! I REALLY enjoyed this poem! I appreciated the way you mixed consonant and assonant rhyme, and I like the overall abstract feel of this poem. I think the images are very reflective of the painful passing of time, bringing us ever closer to death (candles, armor laid to rest, seasons, a ring, a coin, the ocean, and tears). I assume that that was your message. Again, VERY well done! Keep it up! Xradion, The Horny Druid, Scholar of the Ancient Arts, Holder of the Eye of Odin. "The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream." -Wallace Stevens "When at home, do as the Homans do." –Xradion
Peredhil Posted June 7, 2002 Report Posted June 7, 2002 Good stuff Mehnert! In the third line: Quote: Golden strings of in my chest are plucked, Of what? Is a word missing, or just my understanding? Other than that, I think you're getting better and better. -P
Wyvern Posted June 9, 2002 Report Posted June 9, 2002 I agree that this is an excellent poem, and I particularly found the clusters of images centered around gold and amber well done. I agree with Xradion's take on the theme... Keep up the good work! [image]http://members.shaw.ca/kea/am/wyvy.jpg[/image] ------------------------------ Almost a Dragon... "My life is one big crime, I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense" Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze. Edited by: Wyvern00 at: 6/10/02 12:03:07 am
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