Guest Heart Like A Hole Posted June 6, 2002 Report Posted June 6, 2002 she doesn't like to admit that everything is going okay she doesn't have a reason to complain still she does it anyway she likes to pretend that her cup isn't full what's living for if she isn't miserable? someone hit the switch and all the lights are on she has to face reality but the reality is, she doesn't have to be a victim she doesn't have to bleed then why isn't she satisfied if she's got everything she needs? clinging to the shadows quickly dispelled by morning light she's determined to be unhappy this laughter she will fight why does she need the pain when nothing is the same the look in his eyes could erase all the shame but she runs away when it looks like things might be okay the pain is fading so she tears again tracing scabs until they reopen inventing disgraces for her thousand faces it's such a shame she still complains what's living for if she isn't stained? she learned to run a long while back hiding was commonplace as were the tears on her face she doesn't know how to be happy how to find contentment in prosperity seems life is too much to live if the agony is dying she'd rather be bleeding oh she'd rather be crying what do you do when pain is all you know and suddenly you wake to find the pain has flown and you are left with happiness upon your shelf and you can't give any reasons for why you hate yourself?
The Portrait of Zool Posted June 7, 2002 Report Posted June 7, 2002 Nothing is scarier than happiness - except change itself, and changing from misery to happiness is therefore a double whammy. To be happy is to be vulnerable to disapointment. At least misery is dependable, at least with misery things can only get better. It is therefore very seductive. The answer is to make friends with your misery, with loneliness, with anger, with your addictions, and with disapointment. Accept and make friends with just what you are and what is going on at that moment. Do not be a lab rat that constantly reacts to life by striveing for pleasure and avoiding pain. When we cease to be dependant on happiness, it ceases to control our lives, and ceases to be scary. One word; Samsara ~Zool~ Ancient, The Pen is Mightier than the Sword. Bard of Terra, Patron Saint of Aspiring Bards. Elder than dirt, more foolish than a jester, able to trip over the smallest logic in a single step. It's... Oh, you know. Edited by: Zool47 at: 6/7/02 7:26:21 am
Rahsash Geldich Posted June 7, 2002 Report Posted June 7, 2002 I agree with Zool, but also, sometimes we try to disguise feelings of self-dissatisfaction with anger at something else. When that displacement is removed, we are surprised and are left to wonder why we still feel all of this. Very nice work
Guest Xradion Posted June 7, 2002 Report Posted June 7, 2002 Your work always amazes me with its depth and insight. I don't have much to offer other than saying that I sympathize with your plight. I myself have fallen victim to this trap at times. Thankfully, you are aware of the problem of wallowing (or should I say basking) in self-loathing. This is the first step to regaining your self-confidance. Of course, I don't know if this is truly autobiographical or not. Regardless, excellent job! Nice depressing stuff! (I don't mean this sarcastically. Call me desturbed, but I often enjoy reading depressing poems of this nature). Keep it up! And good luck in all your publishing endeavors! Xradion, The Horny Druid, Scholar of the Ancient Arts, Holder of the Eye of Odin. "The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream." -Wallace Stevens "When at home, do as the Homans do." –Xradion
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