Guest Xradion Posted May 24, 2002 Report Posted May 24, 2002 You who sit And stare with olive eyes, Looking like lambs About to be led To the slaughter. You who pursue The Golden Fleece, Not realizing That the wool has been pulled Over your eyes. You, with your idealistic Dreams and visions Of an illusory future world, You that walk in this Somnambulant state. You speak of changing the world For the better, but I know. For I have seen warrior poets Bleeding on battlefields. I have seen castles crumble. I have seen princes paid In kind by pied pipers. I have seen the rose Blossom into petals of flame Only to be extinguished As the last dying ember Expires. So I say to you simply That I am the salmon swimming Upstream with no hope Of changing the current. But I push on, clambering And floundering over jagged rocks That make deep gashes in my body As my blood flows out To join the current of the river. I push on, knowing that I cannot change The current. But I must move on Simply to spawn. And the eggs of new life Will one day hatch Merely to repeat the cycle. Xradion, The Horny Druid, Scholar of the Ancient Arts, Holder of the Eye of Odin. "The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream." -Wallace Stevens "When at home, do as the Homans do." –Xradion
Guest Rezure Posted May 28, 2002 Report Posted May 28, 2002 Now this is the poem that should be called "Sad but True." The first part is great. It's clever (especially the second stanza)without losing any of the feeling, which is what unfortunately happens whenever I try to make something sound clever. The second part is a tough one. Although I understand that there's a purpose to the imagery, it's very hard to think of salmon except in terms of food. And "I move on/simply to spawn" sounds a tiny bit silly, which to me undermines the knowing tone of the whole poem. Sorry to be slightly over-critical. But nevertheless, though I don't necessarily agree with it, this is a great poem. One of your best.
Guest Xradion Posted May 29, 2002 Report Posted May 29, 2002 I really appreciate your comments on my poems, Rezure (and everyone else who has commented). I don't think that you're being over critical at all (but I will try to justify what I have done. See what you think). In response to what you said in another forum, I very deliberately avoid making use of formal structure in many of my poems. I am capable of doing it, but feel that overall, formal structures have a tendency to force words into my poems that don't necessarily enforce the meaning behind them. It's funny you should mention this, because a friend of mine who I have given some of my poems told me the same thing. She felt that much of my poetry was almost like reading a very descriptive prose passage. Some of it works, and some of it doesn't. I acknowledge my need to work more at perfecting formal structures. The Spanish poet Juan Ramón Jimenez saw no worthwhile distinctions between poetic prose, prose poetry, and other forms of poetry. While I tend to follow in this line of thought, he was a master of poetic forms, so he had the right to make statements like that. I don't, but I'm working on it (even if I never get there). Speaking of never getting there, that's kind of what this poem is really about. My point is that even if we can never win the fight to bring about an ideal world, we can't stop striving for this world, because doing so is equivalent to death. We must carry on the life cycle, we must continue the struggle, even if it results in our own destruction, because not doing so means that you have finally given up, that you have lost your hope, that your soul has been shattered. Strangely, this somewhat pessimistic poem is actually my response to cynics who say that you can never change the world. My answer is "So What!?" What matters is that you don't give in to injustice. What matters is that you still have hope, and love for those around you. This poem also addresses a theme that has a particular importance to me. That is the abstract theme of life as being a series of unattainables. Humanity constantly is asking itself questions we are quite incapable of answering. Yet, we still pursue the answers, and sometimes it is that journey towards understanding, even if understanding is never fully achieve, that is truely worthwhile. Even if this poem initially seems to be describing a somewhat purgatorial cycle, you kind of have to read between the lines. Lastly, it should be noted that I tend to make use of a lot of Christian symbolism, even though I myself am agnostic. I find that all religious text are just full of rich symbolism and metaphors. I would like to make use of symbolism from other religions, but lack sufficient knowledge of their texts. In this poem, I use a lot of imagery of the lamb (yes, the sacrificial lamb, he who is without sin i.e.: Christ, but in this case also meant to represent the naive who expect immediate change as a result of their actions). The fish is also a symbol for Christ (yes, we've all see those irritating bumper stickers and parodies of them), hence my use of the salmon. Note comparisons between my description of the salmon's struggle against the current and Christ's crucifixion. Even his own blood betrays him (Judas?) by joining the current. In other poems, you will see a lot more apocalyptic imagery. This is one of the few where I focus so much on a Christ figure, actually. The use of the line "I move on, simply to spawn" stems from something I often do in my poetry. I include a comedic sounding line that doesn't detract from the poem in order to show that I don't take myself TOO seriously (see also a fave line of Nyyark's in my poem "Isolation"). Anyway, enough of this pompous, highfalutin description of my own poetry. Sometimes, I almost like my explanations better than the poetry itself. I just wanted to make sure that I explain everything, so that even if you don't like it, you can at least see what I'm attempting to do, and tell me if you think I'm doing it effectively. Thanks a lot for your time/comments. Xradion, The Horny Druid, Scholar of the Ancient Arts, Holder of the Eye of Odin. "The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream." -Wallace Stevens "When at home, do as the Homans do." –Xradion
Guest Rezure Posted May 29, 2002 Report Posted May 29, 2002 "The use of the line "I move on, simply to spawn" stems from something I often do in my poetry. I include a comedic sounding line that doesn't detract from the poem in order to show that I don't take myself TOO seriously" Yeah, I suspected something like that was going on after reading this line: "It must be all those years I spent as a scholar of obscure biblical literature before I found my true calling in life" Now I'm not ashamed to say, and you'd probably even be complemented by me saying this is incredibly funny. --- As to prose poetry, I'm not saying that's generally bad, it's just a personal dislike for much of it (largely coming from reading those 'Poetry in Transit' things on the buses). When writing a prose-ish poem word choice becomes so much infinitely more important cause you can never use filler words (I suppose that's why you like it). But because people's tastes are very different as to words, it's unlikely someone would ever come away liking the whole poem. It becomes much more uneven with but with flashes of brilliance. I mean, after all, the best book is a blank one, but even I could write it. Yours in the dark both figuratively and literally ever since I smashed in the light switch with the tennis ball, Rezure
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