Cyril Darkcloud Posted May 9, 2002 Report Posted May 9, 2002 Burying Hawkie Snyder We buried Hawkie Snyder yesterday. Put him in a muddy hole next to some old preacher's grave. Carried him in a brownish box -- the damn thing weighed a ton. The handles were brass and wet with rain and slippery in my hands. My shoulders ached from carrying it, Hawkie weren't no little man. Of course it rained, it always does. But this was not some gentle rain, a rain just barely hard enough to get your pant legs damp and give a little extra bother without any extra pain while it picks up some poor sinner and takes him through the Pearly Gates. No, this here rain was different. It came down in slams and angry streaks and slapped all the mourners in the face and made them drop some extra tears. The rain was hard, but we all came -- dying's serious stuff around here. We all came and stood around in dark blue suits and overcoats, black dresses and them little hats with veils, and watched the reverend sprinkle holy water that got swallowed by the rain and tried to hear the prayers he said and not to look each other in the face. His wife set a couple roses and a couple tears upon the box before they sunk it in the ground. His boys each threw a spade of dirt and maybe choked, "Good-bye." Then they all headed for the cars and me, I stuck around to say good-bye to the dead folks in the crowd.
Guest Xradion Posted May 9, 2002 Report Posted May 9, 2002 *Xradion gives a standing ovation (ha, take that Gyrfalcon!) * Awesome! It reminds me a little of Shel Silverstein, Mark Twain or maybe even Walt Whitman. Almost Spoken Word, though leaning more towards plain free-verse. For some reason, it sounds vaguely familiar. Probably just reminiscent of several different funeral descriptions I have read, my favorite being the poem "The Emperor of Ice Cream" by Wallace Stevens. You should check it out. It's far more complex than it looks at first glance. *...And if I can save the earth from the hearse with my verse then I durst quench that thirst to nourish and flourish, as hope moves on.* Xradion, The Horny Druid, Scholar of the Ancient Arts, Holder of the Eye of Odin. "The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream." -Wallace Stevens "When at home, do as the Homans do." –Xradion
Peredhil Posted November 17, 2003 Report Posted November 17, 2003 Hugs a big welcome back hug At first read, I think it flows well and I definitely like it. Since I know you like nuts-and-bolts feedback as well as impressions, I'll try to reread it critically. Welcome home. -P
Gwaihir Posted November 17, 2003 Report Posted November 17, 2003 Pered, he's not back, we just wish he was. Look at the date. I'm glad you pulled this poem up though, Ayshela. This is awesome and I must have missed it.
reverie Posted November 18, 2003 Report Posted November 18, 2003 i agree... it is very good... though I find the last line somewhat perplexing... revery the dreamlost "the answer in thee" the dream continues...
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