Guest ArawnD Posted April 17, 2002 Report Posted April 17, 2002 Many a verse have I written, now I bring them here for your criticism. =========================== Broken and tortured men, laid upon the racks Turn my allies, so my dagger finds your backs, Drink my friends, may the poison finds your hearts All are my enemies, and now I strike All Hail the Mad King. There are fields to burn ,and rivers to taint. Taxes to be paid. First borns to steal, women to take, homes you will raid. It is my will, so let it be done You are my soldiers; you'll do as you're told. All Hail the Mad King. Pounding on the gate, my knights desert, the yells grow from outside. The castle is stormed, prisoners are released, I know I cannot hide. Death is not that far away, My head taken and put upon a spike, And how the people sing, "Here is Arawn, the Mighty, the Feared! All Hail the Mad King!" ------------------ I'm done with poetry for the day. The Mad King Edited by: ArawnD at: 4/17/02 10:59:39 am
The Portrait of Zool Posted April 17, 2002 Report Posted April 17, 2002 Great warfare visual! You should be writing background for an RP game - or more! ~Zool~ Ancient, The Pen is Mightier than the Sword. Bard of Terra, Patron Saint of Aspiring Bards. Elder than dirt, more foolish than a jester, able to trip over the smallest logic in a single step. It's... Oh, you know.
Yui-chan Posted April 17, 2002 Report Posted April 17, 2002 Excellent imagery, Arawn. I agree with Zoolio. One thing I would point out: It is my will, so let it be done You are my soldiers, you'll do as your told. 'you're', not 'your' Also, I realize it's poetry and so a little subjective, but there should be a semicolon between soldiers and you'll technically. Aren't I picky? Good job! Great poem!
Guest ArawnD Posted April 17, 2002 Report Posted April 17, 2002 Ah, but from criticism comes growth. I could easily cop out by accepting the excuse you give, but truth is there's this little imp that makes me misspell words. There he is now!! Don't move, don't you see him? He's wearing my lost sock. Laugh while you can you nave!!! *Arawn runs off swinging wildly at the air.* The Mad King Edited by: ArawnD at: 4/17/02 11:03:39 am
Guest Zephryin Posted April 17, 2002 Report Posted April 17, 2002 Quote: Laugh while you can you nave!!! Umm... It's "knave." Nave, I believe, is similar to an alcove, or niche, but typically meaning those on cathedrals. I may be wrong about that. Anyone know?
Guest Lord Seth Exodus Posted April 18, 2002 Report Posted April 18, 2002 Standard Encyclopedic Dictionary: nave 1 : The main body of a church, situated situated between the side aisles. nave 2 : The hub of a wheel. knave: 1. A dishonest person; rogue. 2. A playing card, the jack. Right on both accounts. But, at any rate, very well done, Arwan. I love the picture painted, and the story told is epic. -Seth Exodus Initiate of The Pen
Gyrfalcon Posted April 18, 2002 Report Posted April 18, 2002 *Gyr applauds* An excellent poem, but you aren't to be executed until I knows why you're out to get me! *grin*
Guest ArawnD Posted April 18, 2002 Report Posted April 18, 2002 But Gryfalcon, wouldn't that ruin the fun? By the time you know, it will be too late. The Mad King
Yui-chan Posted April 18, 2002 Report Posted April 18, 2002 Don't worry, Gyrfalcon. I'm sure the Mad King will have a daring, last-minute rescue by one of his loyal and competent Mad Henchmen.
Justin Silverblade Posted April 19, 2002 Report Posted April 19, 2002 Intadesting... vedy intadesting... I like it.
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