Guest Heart Like A Hole Posted March 18, 2002 Report Posted March 18, 2002 ....please close your eyes....i don't want you to look at me.... 'it doesn't matter how many times you call this rose a weed, it will remain just as sweet. do you understand?' (i couldn't help but look away.) his laughter hangs in the air, and then... his eyes turn serious and stony "why do you need to feel ugly?" he asks and i don't know what to say. for seventeen years, that's all i ever heard. even if it isn't true, it's all i know. and i can't figure out how to change. 'just because you insist this rose is a weed does not make it true. a lie accepted and believed is still a lie. do you understand?' (i swallowed and brought the cigarette to my lips.) the face in the mirror disgusts me. i cannot see what it is that they ask me to see. i cannot see myself through your eyes, dearheart. i cannot even see myself anymore. seventeen years of lies and beatings stand between the mirror and my eyes. i don't know how to wipe them away. i want to wipe them away. i say, "i love myself. i am beautiful." but a lie is still a lie. and i know that i don't mean it. (i squeezed shut my eyes and choked on my voice.) 'i love you. and no matter how many times you insist that when you see this rose, it is a weed, ugly and worthless, the world does not see with your eyes. the lies you believe are lies, no matter how much you want them to be true. the rose will always be a rose even if she never knows that she is one. do you understand?' (he said my name, and i could not stop crying.)
reverie Posted March 18, 2002 Report Posted March 18, 2002 Light a light, from within. If nothing's left then find a friend... If friends have gone, and all ignore Then be friend, and soath a sore. If tragidy, reflects all you see. A hateful rant, a shuddered plea... Then find a friend, from within... Embrace your brain, with all it's pain And learn to like, then maybe love Your tortured heart, broke short of love. The World turns cruel or kind to you, Rarely true, you knew, you knew... And wait a bit, you'll suffer it, Till nothing's left, just counterfeits. Tragic to see, reflected pleas You hum along, Self hating songs. Tragic to see, what does he mean? Roll back the black, and turn it green... Just look within, and find a friend. Try start with fun, and bloom again. Best too start small, a silly ball... A kitten cat, turned acrobat A spark to light, your candle bright. And when you laugh, you'll hold him tight. To enjoy again, that place within More often now, your mirror proud. To see you to, Your new, You knew. What was never true, you knew, you knew sigh... revery the dreamlost "what if i was romeo in black jeans" (m.penn) the dream continues...
Falcon2001 Posted March 19, 2002 Report Posted March 19, 2002 Roses will be roses Unto the very end Even though denial and Selfhatred they defend Roses will be roses I can't stress this enough A saint among the fallen A diamond in the rough Even though they dislike Themselves and who they are Roses will be roses The brightest shining stars *sigh*, I understand how you feel, m'dear. I've felt this way before, with that nagging self-doubt and hatred for yourself that makes being picked on seem like child's play. I've been there, I've seen the darkness. Good poem. Very good poem. Cioden Darkeye Quill-Bearer - The Pen is Mightier than the Sword President of the Peredhil Fan Club Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses Ashaman - WoT - Blitz II Council - The Hunters - Blitz II Leisure Officer - SFV Ultima - Beta
Guest Heart Like A Hole Posted March 19, 2002 Report Posted March 19, 2002 I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the compliments you have given me. And I also applaud the poetry posted in the replies. Thanks to my Dearest David and those who have been supportive of me, I think this is one personal demon I am finally ready to face. By taking it slowly, minute by minute, day by day, hopefully, this is one flower finally ready to see herself for who she is - not what others have taught her to see. Thank you again, everyone, and Blessed Be. ~Porcelain "Heart Like A Hole"
Peredhil Posted March 19, 2002 Report Posted March 19, 2002 When confronting childhood distortions, I suggest using the eyes of those who love you for mirrors, instead of silvered pieces of glass. The glass only reflects your perception. A loving friend reflects you accurately, while loving you none the less. *hugs*
Ozymandias Posted March 20, 2002 Report Posted March 20, 2002 You are incredible. Absolutely nothing short of incredible. Having never met you, I can still say that- because this is your writing, and I feel like I can't begin to guess what the person behind such beautiful work is like. Bravo, thank you, and please stay with us as long as you can. :>)
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