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Smartie Party

Guest Lord Seth Exodus

By Guest Lord Seth Exodus
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Guest Lord Seth Exodus

Guest Lord Seth Exodus

Posted
Posted

(conversion confusion, this is actually the second post)

 

 

Ahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe you typed the whole thing out, and posted it. I love it bhurin. I can still see the movie in my head. Good show!

 

-Seth Exodus

Initiate of The Pen

Bhurin

Bhurin

Posted
Posted

(Conversion Confusion, this is actually the first post in this thread)

 

Alright folks, it's lesson time. Take out some paper, cause there'll be a test after.

 

This poem was written for - well, who knows - and entails, in graphic detail, the adventures of a Smartie through the human digestive system.

 

Ooh! Fun, and educational!

 

Enjoy!

 

This poem is dedicated to Dr. Seuss.

 

Master of the poetic form. Master of a town called Borm...

Well, you get the idea.

 

Smartie Party

 

There once was a Smartie

That came from the store,

Who set out on a journey,

That he hadn’t before.

 

He was bought with the others,

All glistening anew,

With colors so dazzling,

Of Red, Green, and Blue.

 

His own coat was Red,

The most glorious shade,

And he felt that he was,

The best Smartie made.

 

So in their small box,

They rushed home with glee.

Not knowing what their fate

Was going to be.

 

They jostled and tosseled,

In the small room of black.

As they shook and they shaked,

And went clickity clack!

 

Soon the box opened,

Each Smartie removed.

Each waited their turn,

To be selected, approved.

 

But when Red was pulled out,

He soon was put back.

But what could wrong with him?

What did he lack?

 

He watched in dismay,

As the others were all seized,

The Red Smartie was sad.

He meant only to please.

 

At last he was left,

All alone in the box.

Discarded, unwanted,

Like an old, dirty sock.

 

But then, without notice,

The hand grabbed him up fast.

Red suddenly realized,

He’d been saved for last.

 

Red, now rejoicing,

Felt honored and grand.

And so took great care,

Not to melt in the Hand.

 

But slowly Red realized,

Something amiss.

For he was slowly approaching,

A dark murky abyss.

 

With a look of confusion,

And a small, squeaky “Eep!”

The hand threw him in

To the dim, gloomy deep!

 

Red had been eaten,

A grim fate indeed.

To have traveled so long,

And winding up feed.

 

And so there Red sat.

Upon wet, slimy skin.

And he heard a loud voice,

Here, our story begins...

 

“WHO GOES THERE” came a voice,

That thundered with bass.

“WHO DARES TO INTRUDE,

IN THE LAIR OF AMYLASE?”

 

Red Smartie called back, “Um,

Please excuse me dear sir.

I’ll leave in a pinch,

And leave all as it were.”

 

“I’M AFRAID NOT, DEAR PREY”,

The voice said with joy.

“CAUSE I’M AFRAID THAT YOUR

STARCH MUST BE DESTROYED!”

 

“My Starch!” Red cried out,

As he drew back in fear.

“But why must it be wrecked?

Why now? Why right here?”

 

“IT IS SIMPLE”, he scoffed,

Drawing now closure still,

“IT MUST BE DIGESTED,

AND ABSORBED, IF YOU WILL”.

 

The voice was upon him,

Red knew he was done.

“Fine, take my starch…”

And the process begun.

 

First Red was crushed,

By the teeth, it was grim.

And would have drowned in saliva,

But he knew how to swim.

 

And he heard his starch cry,

As it was broken down some,

Into fragments of maltose,

And small, chocolate crumbs.

 

“NOW GET GOING, BUDDY!”

The voice said with a thrill,

“DON’T WORRY ABOUT THANKING ME,

I’LL SEND YOU THE BILL…”

 

Before Red could answer,

He was washed down, and pulled,

Into a chamber then

Pushed down a hole.

 

There he was pushed,

And pulled down by the walls.

“Get going” said Esophagus,

As he continued to fall.

 

Swallowed and pushed by

Peristalsis he was.

He didn’t bother to ask

why they did it, because,

 

At this point Red felt

Like sort of a wreck.

Then straight up ahead of him

He saw an end to his trek.

 

He fell into a chamber,

Which seemed calm and quite placid.

But he began to scream,

It was full of hot acid!

 

Above him the sphincter

Closed tightly once more.

He couldn’t get out through

That door anymore.

 

Red could feel his proteins

Beginning to melt.

And his once proud bacteria

Was dying it felt!

 

“What’s with the acid”,

Red asked in pain,

“And why am I being

Ground up again?”

 

“Please don’t ask questions,”

Came a voice midst the screams,

“We just do what we’re told,

And don’t ask what it means.”

 

“Who’s there?” questioned Red,

Looking all round the den.

Came the answer, “It’s me pepsin,

Formally pepsinogen!

 

I too was changed when

I came to this place.

I once lived in glands but

Soon was replaced.

 

Now I break down proteins,

It’s kind of a chore.

But I think you’re all done,

So proceed through that door”.

 

Below him a sphincter,

(Yes another) opened wide.

And down went Red with

A bunch of peptides.

 

The next thing Red knew,

He was in a small room.

“What could be next?” he asked,

As he peered through the gloom.

 

He waited a short time,

Just a moment or two.

And was suddenly drenched,

By some kind of goo.

 

The goo was quite messy,

“And sticky”, Red yawned.

Suddenly he realized,

“Hey! The acid is gone!”

 

“It’s sodium bicarbonate”

Came a voice from nearby,

“Mixed with some bile.”

And Red said, “Oh my.”

 

“Who’s out there?” Red cried,

“And does this do?”

But the voice only whimpered,

And cried, Boo hoo hoo.

 

At last the voice said,

“I don’t know what I am!

But one time my name

Was: Green eggs and Ham”

 

“I made it this far,

but I just can’t go on!

I just can’t be digested,

And I’ve been here so long!’

 

“Right…” answered Red,

As he shuffled his feet,

“You said this was bile?

That sounds kind of neat.”

 

“It emulsifies fats,”

Ham said, unhappily.

“What that mean?” Red asked.

“Just wait, and you’ll see…”

 

Red waited a moment,

And gasped when he saw,

That his fat was turning

Into droplets. “Awww…”

 

“What could be worse?”

Red scoffed and complained,

“Watch out!” Yelled some voices,

“Cause here comes some pain!”

 

Suddenly Red was

Drenched in more stuff.

“Stop this right now!

I’ve had just enough!”

 

“I’m sorry” came the voices,

Now all around Red.

“But we have a body

that needs to be fed!”

 

“Who are you?” Red asked,

As he looked all about.

“A couple of things

To digest me, no doubt.”

 

“Digest things- yes.

A couple, why no…

We’re the most powerful and

Potent enzymes, don’t you know!”

 

Red quickly said,

His voice filled with fear,

“It’s nice to have met you,

But I was just leaving here.”

 

“Afraid not”, came the voices,

Red felt them close in,

“Nothing escapes

When digestion begins.”

 

Then Red heard a voice cry,

“On Trypsin, on Maltase!

Go Pancreatic Amylase,

Nuclease and Lipase!”

 

Then the slaughter began,

And the enzymes broke down

Each last little bit

Of the Smartie from town.

 

His last bits of starch

Were broke down to maltose,

And down even more,

Until they were glucose.

 

His proteins into peptides,

And amino acids at last.

Fatty acids and glycerol

Were derived from the fats.

 

Nucleic acids into nucleotides

(That’ll make your tongue twist).

And that was the lot,

Not a single bit missed.

 

And all of Red’s parts were

shipped right shipped right along.

Red didn’t feel good:

He was almost all gone.

 

For all of his bits were

Being absorbed by Villi.

And he asked, his voice weak,

“Will I make it? Will I?”

 

“I don’t think so”, said Villi,

As it munched up Red’s parts,

“Why’d you get eaten in the first place?

I though Smarties were smart.”

 

But Red didn’t answer,

He just let himself float.

He was sad beyond measure,

He had lost his red coat.

 

As he floated down through,

The large intestine,

His water and salt were absorbed,

“Hey, those are mine…”

 

But they paid him no heed,

And absorbed him until,

There was no good stuff left.

And Red found a bill.

 

The last parts of Red,

He guessed, were just waste.

They had taken his stuff,

His flavor and taste.

 

He reached a dark place,

Call the Rectum, “how vile!

It’s as slimy as Amylase,

And more sticky than bile!”

 

He finally saw a sphincter,

Which let him go pass.

And suddenly fell out,

As he came out the… End

 

Signed in relative jubilation-

 

 

 

Edited by: Bhurin at: 3/12/02 12:10:38 am

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