Guest Jess Posted February 20, 2002 Report Posted February 20, 2002 I had a dream last night. You were in it. You didn't care that I'm not pretty, You didn't try to be polite, You told society to stuff it. You kissed me sweetly in the light. I thought about my dream all day, About how you looked at me. Until you came near and, I remembered what you'd say, About my dream so sweet. I cast my eyes down and turned away. You told me not to cry, You asked me what was wrong; I couldn't tell you. You wiped my eyes dry, And gave me a loving look. I couldn't lie. I told you all about my dream last night. How you were in it, How you didn't care that I'm not pretty, How you didn't try to be polite, How you told soceity to stuff it, How you kissed me sweetly in the light. All you said was, What a lovely dream, And walked away. Please give me your coments and critisims; I can't very well better myself as a poet if you don't. Thank you! -Jess
Lady Celes Crusader Posted February 20, 2002 Report Posted February 20, 2002 Lovely poem. I love the way the ending is chained to the beginning. Bravo
Peredhil Posted February 20, 2002 Report Posted February 20, 2002 Sometimes Manners conceal feelings we'd want to express, but that would not be best in the long run... Extremely well-done. poignant and aching. My 'read-aloud' test flowed smoothly, I didn't have to guess where the stresses and emphasises were to go. You really write some good stuff. Hugs
Gyrfalcon Posted February 20, 2002 Report Posted February 20, 2002 *applauds* I really, really like this poem... a truely sad ending, though.
Falcon2001 Posted February 20, 2002 Report Posted February 20, 2002 This poem was good the first time I read it. It was better the second time. The third time, it was amazing. This is the fourth time. I have to stop reading it, or my head will explode.
Guest Jess Posted February 20, 2002 Report Posted February 20, 2002 Thank you all! I love to hear what people think of my writing. It's a wonderful aid to learning to be better. Lady Celes– Thank you. I'm glad you liked my favorite part of this piece. I don't normally tie the end together that closely, but on this one it just seemed apropriate. Falcon– As always your good words touch me deeply and I thank you from those same depths. Peredhil– Some days I wish what you said about politeness were true for someone other than who this poem was writen to. But 'tis not true. Thank you very much for your compliment. (Hugs from a mountain lion.) Gyr– Thank you. It means a lot that you like my work. A note, however, I didn't mean to make the ending sad; though, like all poetry, it is open to interpritation, and I like your also.
Rahsash Geldich Posted February 21, 2002 Report Posted February 21, 2002 I like this 'cause I feel you with the happy dreams shattered part... At least, thats what it feels like to me...
Guest Jess Posted February 22, 2002 Report Posted February 22, 2002 I'm sorry you feel that your happy dreams were shattered. Anything you could talk about? (Maybe not on the message boards?)
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