Rahsash Geldich Posted February 13, 2002 Report Posted February 13, 2002 Silver eyes glistened at sunrise, Taking in the new light of day. A cold wind swept up from the east. She was doomed to die this day. Her jaw was clenched bravely And her eyes were now cried dry. Her love watched from afar, Face covered in blood, now dry. "I'll always love you." Words hung. She nodded, gestured with broken hands. The guards pulled her away rougly, Yet another death in their hands. She knelt before the altar, heavy death. She looked up and saw the red sun. Her youth-silver hair caught is light. The guard's sword raised, caught the sun. Her love cried out and fought He was hit again, blood spilled. Chains protested his force, crying All tears now being spilled. She turns her head slightly, The red, the sun, the silver. All caught in a celestial moment. Red tarnishes the silver. <i></i>
Gwaihir Posted February 14, 2002 Report Posted February 14, 2002 I always like being surprised. Traditional, almost ballad like. I like it! ---------- I want to be page 93 of Pineapples, the Avian Crows-Nyyark
Guest Jess Posted February 14, 2002 Report Posted February 14, 2002 *Jess shed a tear* That was wonderful! One of the best poems I've ever read!
Peredhil Posted February 14, 2002 Report Posted February 14, 2002 graphic. Rather evocative of Joan of Arc, but of course, she was burnt. Nice meter, easy to read aloud. -P
Ozymandias Posted February 14, 2002 Report Posted February 14, 2002 I've long had a particular taste for classic styles. You take the morals of legend and the voice of ballad and paint a picture of death that is beautiful and sad. Thank you.
Bhurin Posted February 15, 2002 Report Posted February 15, 2002 Bhurin sighs, his eyes transfixed to a point in the distance. His voice seems distracted as he speaks... Hmm... The colors... The colors are very vivid to me. Bhurin nods Yes, that is what meant the most to me in this poem. Well done, my friend. A very well voiced poem. You have taken an old idea, and revoiced it elequently. the first verse and last were my definite favorites, however, for in the first first you begin by a somewhat common physical, even somewhat superficial, description of the land. Then you strike the reader with the comment in the fourth line. Very very effective. It's one of those poems that, if you weren't in the mood to read poetry, you would scan the first stanza, then become interested in reading poetry. The last verse, however, that one is my most favorite... The colors; and the simplistic description of their meld... Beautiful and dramatic. Definitely my favorite verse. Thank you. Signed-
Tralla Posted February 22, 2002 Report Posted February 22, 2002 So sad... I couldn't have portrayed it better if I'd written a full story. Brava!
Rahsash Geldich Posted February 22, 2002 Author Report Posted February 22, 2002 That one had been bouncing in my head for a long time, I just didn't know how to put it... Poet's Block: ____ I I I___I
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