Plot for Promotion

[Vincent Silver]

How could this be! Promotions handed out in the grand comuinty of the pen and the Shiny one does not recieve! Revenge must be served....preferably cooled with a side dish of yams These were the thoughts runing through Vincent's mind as he stealtly snuck into the buliding were the elders meet. His plan was simple....Eldernaping! He finally broke the lock with his Shiny Card (don't leave home without it) and tiptoed into the building. He pressed his back aghinst the wall Metal Gear style and listened in on there conversation.

[Gyrfalcon]

"What are we going to do about this... discontent?" a voice asked, Vincent heard a voice ask, identifying it as the newest of the Elders, Gyrfalcon.

 

"What do you mean?" another voice asked, not an Elder but no less respected- the Ancient, Peredhil.

 

"It's gotten to the point where Daryl is currently not talking to me because he wasn't promoted."

 

There was a long silence before yet another voice, Gwaihir, spoke up.

 

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but he's not even a member."

 

"See what I mean?" Gyrfalcon retorted.

 

The silence descended again.

 

"How bad do you think it's gotten?" a voice hissed nervously- Wyvern. Vincent rubbed his hands gleefully- three Elders to Eldernap, at least!

 

"Most of them are just grumbling, but a few really thought that they deserved promotion, and aren't that happy that they weren't." Gyrfalcon said flatly.

 

There were a few sighs.

 

"We'll just have to be careful- it'll blow over." Orlan said.

 

"I hope so." Came the fervent agreement.

 

(OOC: Let the Eldernapping begin! ;P)

[Vincent Silver]

Just then Vincent jumped out his hands in the shape if a gun.

 

"FREEZE!"Vincent yelled

 

Wyvern stared at him,"....Vincent,what are you doing?"

 

"How do you know it's me?"Vincent paused and rubed his hand over his face"Crap,I forgot the ski mask....."

 

The elders fell over.(Anime Faint)After they wiped the huge sweatdrops off there heads they ingored Vincent and whent back to mumbling about the promotion sitiutaion. Vincent lunged at Gryfalcon and put his "gun" to his head.

 

"Your all coming with me or he gets it!" Vincent yelled in his "terrorist voice".

 

"Do what he says he'll shoot him!"Wyvern yelled! The rest looked at him,"....what?"

[Gyrfalcon]

Gyrfalcon stood stock still.

 

"Vincent, are you pointing a finger at my head?"

 

"Ye-er... NO!" Vincen replied, trying to drag the half-elf away from the rest of the group but failing.

 

"Vincent, you have five seconds before I do something you won't enjoy." Gyrfalcon said calmly.

 

"Hah, I have the gun!" Vincent said. Gyrfalcon paused and said curiously. "What's a gun?"

 

Vincent decided to skip the long explanation "Somethat that can kill you that I'm holding in my hand."

 

Gyrfalcon paused and went over this a few times. Coming to the conclusion that Vincent didn't have anything in his hand, and thus couldn't have one of these 'guns' unless it was something very small, he commented "You realize that even counting very, very slowly, we're now at minus three seconds."

 

Peredhil looked concerned. "Try not to hurt him, will you Gyrfalcon? It'll give the Pen a bad reputation if the Elders are known to seriously harm the members."

 

"I'll try." Gyrfalcon assured Peredhil before dropping to the floor and sweeping Vincent's legs out from under him.

[Peredhil]

"Oh Dear!" Peredhil exclaimed with concern.

 

Guido, long familiar with his Boss' too kind heart, went over and helped Vincent up.

 

"I think he wants to kidnap someone Peredhil mused aloud". His Bodyguards exchanged longsuffering glances and waited for it...

 

"I know! You can kidnap ME if it will make you feel better!" Peredhil's smile was sunshine and warmth as he turned it on Vincent, "Although I'm an Ancient, not an Elder, and therefore of little consequence and no power."

 

Guido gnashed his teeth slightly as Nuncio began grabbing food off the snack table. In Nuncio's experience, people who kidnapped Peredhil never had munchies around.

 

The Polite Half-Elf moved over to join Guido and Vincent, Nuncio trailing breadcrumbs.

 

Where are we going? How exciting! Oh, don't tell - that's right Mr. Kidnapper, couldn't be a Hoist if you told them where you're taking me!

 

Vincent looked somewhat desparate at having his kidnapping foiled and now Politely hijacked. The idea of spending so much time with the relentlessly nice Peredhil wasn't that appealing, and it looked as if the Elders were chipping into a pool on how long before Vincent paid them to give Peredhil back.

 

Wyvern was giving odds...

[Vincent Silver]

Vincent sighed in disgust at the amazing polite-ness.

 

"Ok,come on you. I can't believe this! First I don't get promoted, then I get suck with him"

Vincent continued mimbling as he lead his "captive" to a black van. He slide the door open and waited for Peredhil to get in.

"Oh no,after you!" Peredhil motioned for Vincent to enter first

"GAH! Just get in the damn van!" Vincent pushed Peredhil in and walked to the driver side. He steped in and drove off...

[Peredhil]

Peredhil looked about the back of the dingy van. Swaying gracefully to the bouncy ride, he mused aloud even as he listened.

 

"An automobile! How quaint. Haven't seen one of these since that Rifts place the boys and I wandered through. I wonder how he managed to get the primitive distillant hydro-carbons here in the Pen area?"

 

He listened with a smile as the twin thumps announced the arrival of his Bodyguards atop the vehicle, and made a mental note to send out for pizza when they all arrive at the Kidnappers Hooch. Kidnappers so often didn't plan ahead in his experience.

 

Gazing about himself with a slight frown, he pulled a monogrammed hanky from his pocket. With a few Words, it was soon the size of a picnicker's sheet. Draping it artistically over the tires and odd weapons scattering the the rear of the van, he prepared to be a Good Kidnap Victim.

 

Gazing forward through the locked grill mesh separating the back of the van from the driver's compartment, he sang out brightly,

 

"So! Here we go! How long have you had these feelings of aggression? Would you like a biscuit? If you have any external wounds, I could heal them - I'm a Healer you know.

"Why I recall, was it the Nineth or Tenth world the boys and I wandered, there was this sweet Ogre that tried to kidnap me. Elladan, of course, was going to kill the poor fellow out of hand, but it turned out he had a dietary deficiency and needed calcium supplements.

"You aren't going to try something silly like grinding bones to make bread are you? Bits of the stone get into the dough and can wear down your teeth.

"You ARE taking care of your teeth I hope? That reminds me of the Vampire in ... was it Fifteen? ... Anyway... no no, it was Fourteen, and his name was Hortemor, but he wanted everyone to call him Vladmir. We ended having some self-affirming talks about that personal deception, I remember them quite clearly - perhaps you'd be interested? Might give you insights into your own condition. Where was I?

"Teeth! He had an abcessed canine, in the erectile tissues, and was in agony. Had developed the most clever contraption for piping the blood directly from the neck to his mouth so it wasn't contaminated by contact with air - that being important to the quality or taste, I don't recall that part. Although I'm sure with a bit of thought I could if you're really interested in the details?"

 

Peredhil droned on and on cheerfully as the van sped away...

 

Guido and Nuncio clung to the top.

"'ey Nun'."

"Yes Brother?"

"Did youse get soma da Wyv's action?"

"No, I thought you would."

"How long 'till da Boss drives him over da edge?"

"I really think he might try gagging him first, isn't that what they usually do?"

 

They looked at each other and began sniggering quietly...

[Vincent Silver]

**SCREEECH**

The van pulled to a sudden stop,Vincent thought he heard two thuds ahead of him but he ignored it because of the shear annoyance of the polite-ness. Vincent turned around and face his captive.

"How the hell can you be so nice!! I'm threatening your life, don't you realize that!!"

"Oh dear,it would be rude to try to escape..."

"No it would be smart!" Vincent stepped out the driver's side and opened the side door,"Look I'll even make it easy for you!"

"I don't understand, shouldn't kidnappers, um..kidnap. Not let them escape?" Peredhil scratched his head confused.

"Look you overly polite nitwit! No promotion is worth this much headache! Now I'm turning around, feel free to ESCAPE!!!" Vincent turned around and began to whistle like he didn't realise anything.

"Are you sure Mr. Vincent?"

"YES!"

"Ok,but I till don't think this is the correct way to do it"

Vincent sighed.

[Peredhil]

Peredhil stepped from the still shuddering van and looked at the smoldering rubber tracks behind it.

He looked at Mr. Vincent.

With a sigh and a hand gesture, he summoned a Portal for Guido and Nuncio, who were laughing so hard with their paws over their mouths that they would obviously be no help at all.

 

"Are you SURE?" He recoiled a bit at the snarl.

"I'm sensing a great deal of hostility about the slowness of Promotions of late. You know, the Elders have done a GREAT deal of talking on that very subject of late." Vincent whirled, his eyes flashing.

"TALK! Even my online personae are gonna die of old age before action is taken!!!"

"I'm sorry, I don't think it's that bad. Is that how it feels to you?."

Another snarl and Vincent twisted away again, at the limits of his control. His hands worked spasmodically. All he'd wanted was a simple kidnapping, a great roleplaying thread, and an overdue promotion. Then this puppy-eyed Polite nitwit had interfered!

Just ONE MORE WORD from Peredhil and he knew he was going to SNAP! And he knew he'd feel all guilty cause Peredhil would probably help him to kick him!

 

"Do you need a hug?" Came the hesitant helpful voice.

His inarticulate scream conveyed volumes to the suddenly alert Bodyguards. It was times like these that they were glad Elrohir had made the Boss forge their Faerie Dragon Rings.

There was a pop of displaced air and their suits smoldered slightly, but they reached Peredhil before the frothing Vincent could. Nuncio lost his fedora as they pulled Peredhil through the portal, which imploded with a *plop*

Only Vincent, the cooling van, and the trailing words "Thank you for the riiiiiide" hovering in the air remained.

 

Meanwhile back at the Pen, the Elders sat looking at various time pieces as Wyvern counted the Peredhil Pool money over and over.

The turned at the arrival of the Giant Guinea Pigs and Peredhil, the Pig's suits still trailing small blue flames - which they proceded to beat on putting out.

Ignoring Peredhil's cheery, "I'm back, such a nice young man," greeting, they huddled around the table checking the grids of names and times.

 

Wyvern's wail rose above the crowd like a wounded child, bereft of his binky.

 

"THE WIGGLY CABBAGES??? Who bought a slot for the CABBAGES???"

[The Big Pointy One]

Seeming to drip off a tree, Stick appears on the road in front of Vincent, who is still looking as if he's about to tear someone apart. Seeing Stick, he blinks blankly, then goes to start his van.

 

"Wait!" Stick says.

 

Vincent simply stares at Stick again.

 

In a very Schwartzenagger-ish (sp?) voice, Stick says to Vincent, "Come with me if you want to live?" which is responded to with a weary "Huh?" from Vincent who suddenly just doesn't care what happens right now, and lets himself be dragged by Stick. Still grumpy however, he crosses his arms in a half-angry/half-depressed pout as Stick blazes towards The Pen. Whenever Vincent tries to bring up a point, Stick simply makes the 'shush' motion with his free hand. Of course, these are all met with evil glares, which Stick pays no heed.

 

About an hour later, they finally make it to the keep, where Stick halts his frantic pace. Vincent looks up to Stick, and yet again tries to ask what's going on. Stick replies with yet another 'shush' motion, but Vincent has had enough and bites Stick's finger. "Ow!" says Stick as he sucks on his bitten finger in some sort of weak motion to heal it. "Fine, I'm sorry for the brevity, but I've got a plan for you!"

 

"Huh?" says the now more confused than angry Vincent.

 

"Your plot, I have a plan for it."

 

Intrigued now, Vincent cocks his head a bit to the side, "Oh? I'm listening."

 

"Well..." Stick procedes to pull out a stack of papers that Vincent can't help but feel are familiar. The tall warrior continues to shuffle through the sheets, sending papers flying everywhere. "Aha!" he exclaims, as he finds what he was looking for. "I quote: Page: Member who is still growing, developing, promoting, and proving their worth to the Pen. "

 

Vincent blinks. "Yeah, that's out of The Codex, everyone knows that, what's it have to do with any sort of clever plot?"

 

Stick shrugs. "I don't know, but I think I have an idea. We'll have to make a few stops around the keep, but I think I have a few ideas."

 

Vincent also shrugs. "Fine, lead the way, Sticky!" Intrigued as to why Stick suddenly seems so intent on helping him, Vincent feels like he has no choice but to follow the tall man.

 

First, Stick leads Vincent to one of Tzimfemme's many labratories, and 'borrows' a few potions. "Uhm, isn't stealing wrong?" asks Vincent, who doesn't feel like getting trouble. "I suppose says Stick." He places a box marked 'Tzimfemme' on the counter where the potions were. "But I think it's okay if I leave her fifty pounds of chocolate. High quality chocolate. Heh." Vincent just shakes his head at Stick's apparent lack of morals. Next, Stick stops by Gwaihir's gardens, and 'borrows' some of his special plant food, and leaves some special, non-fake shaky lettuce heads in its place, hoping Gwai would be intrigued with examining the rareities. On third leg of their journey, Stick stops by Vincent's room.

 

"What are we doing here?" asks the confused initiate.

 

"Getting all your writing. We'll leave the food and potions here, we'll be back right away."

 

"Uhhh..."

 

"Hurry, we don't have much time!"

 

After gathering all his loose papers and data disks with writing stored on them, Vincent and Stick quickly make their way to a dark corridor of The Pen. After a few minutes, they notice a figure that seems oddly shaped to be wearing a trenchcoat. He greets Stick in a slightly disguised, slightly draconic voice. "Hello, ick-stay. Have you the oods-gay?"

 

"Aye."

 

"And the eld-gay?"

 

"Aye."

 

"Oodgay."

 

Vincent just shakes his head. That was the worst pig latin he had ever seen... heard, in his life. He shrugged it off. Stick handed the 'mysterious' figure Vincent's stack of writing and a heavy bag of what could be nothing other than geld.

 

"You know what to do. See you when the heat dies down."

 

"Eah... Yeah."

 

The mysterious figure scrambles down the hall, giggling mischievously to himself. Vincent looks to Stick, confused as ever. "What was all that about? Was that who I thought it was?" he asks.

 

"Well, we have to promote your work somehow. As for who it was, just you nevermind. We've got important matters at hand. Back to your chambers. Although, we may want to do this outside."

 

"Whatever, the sooner this is over with, the sooner you'll leave me alone, right?"

 

"Uh, sure!" Stick says as an evil grin plays across his face. "Let's go!"

 

So the pair make their way back to Vincent's quarters to pick up the supplies from earlier. They then head outside in a secluded area behind the keep. Stick immediately sets to mixing the potions with the plant food.

 

"Uh, do you know what you're doing?" asks Vincent.

 

"Of course not, but don't worry, I'm just about done." Stick replies, beads of sweat dripping from his forehead. Vincent just sighs. "Alright, done! Here, drink this!"

 

Vincent shrugs for the umpteenth time today and chugs the potion back. Although very bitter, he manages to keep it down. The results are immediate, and Vincent finally finds that Stick, and the rest of The Pen is much smaller.

 

"A-ha! It worked, now go quickly, show the Elders how you have grown and developed! Muwahaha!"

 

Vincent blinked, shrugged, then punted Stick into the distance.

 

The rest was up to him.

 

 

OOC: I'm so silly...

[Tasslehoff]

OOC: Holy Crap. I just fell outta my chair laughing!

[The Big Pointy One]

OOC: w00t!

 

(that was probably my most... substance-less... post... ever. Heh.)