Vlad Posted January 9, 2003 Report Posted January 9, 2003 I'm kinda in a wierd mood, and I usually come here to release some steam, or... I don't know what I'm talking about... Blasted hormones [and acne]... I really want a response though because I have no idea what I'm writing. We only live, just to die, We will feel the time pass by, It hurts us deeply, with no regret, Something which can only upset, Like a seed in the wind we struggle, All of life, we try to juggle, Everything is against the odds, I feel cursed by all the gods, Blind and deaf is the way it's best, We can put our misery to rest, Block out the pain, block out ourselves, Deep into the heart one never delves, A spirit inside roars to be freed, Call of the wild, to not succeed, Battling through the river's course, Srceaming until your voice is hoarse, There is no one who can help, Like a dog in fear I yelp, There is no light at tunnel's end, See no angel to descend, Burning blazes as I pass the trees, It is a rage which no one sees, I am alone in this world of hell, To find a soul who I can tell, Ramble on about my pain, Continue now as blue moons wane, We are all trapped within a flame, What we feel is all the same, The agony stems from being seperate, We all become a little desperate, Don't think once, don't think twice, There is an end, it is quite nice, Confined to this earthly plane no more, I will soon find out, what they have in store.
Guest Blondemoon Posted January 9, 2003 Report Posted January 9, 2003 one word: wow. It describes many of the same things that have crossed my mind at one time or another. But wow. very very intense. I like it, a lot. Quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A spirit inside roars to be freed, Call of the wild, to not succeed, Battling through the river's course, Srceaming until your voice is hoarse, There is no one who can help -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- That part really struck a chord. I don't know how exactly you were feeling when you wrote this poem, but some darn good stuff came out.
Guest crowgirl1126 Posted January 9, 2003 Report Posted January 9, 2003 (The word screaming is mispelled). I wasn't looking for something wrong, I swear. It's very intense, as Blondemoon indicated. I would suggest placing this in the writer's workshop. If you would like some constructive criticism about the poem structure, please respond to the post in this thread, but if you just needed to hear some comments, It's very powerful. Edited by: crowgirl1126 at: 1/9/03 6:33:26 pm
Vlad Posted January 9, 2003 Author Report Posted January 9, 2003 oops... Oh well... I won't go back and change it though... One or two letters a day will add up to a word a week, which can add up to a sentance a month, which in turn makes a paragraph in one year, and then a decade will be worth a short story. In ten years I'll fix it! Or whenever I write my first story... Anyways, before I go off on a tengent I would like to mention that I have no idea as to structure in poetry. I just write them as they come and try to keep it so it sounds okay... Well, I know the structure for haikus, but those don't count. Patiently waits to get mauled by Stick's kunais. I would be honored if you enlightened me. And I think I will repost this in the WW.
Recommended Posts