Guest Jonathan Wolfe Posted November 28, 2002 Report Posted November 28, 2002 Darkness Wandering, sleeping, predawn, city the spires, towers, beams, heights the hell above, the skykiller, domination... supremacy Lightness Consciousness sitting, metropolis morning the deeps, cells, badlands, depths the hope imbued in all limitlessness Blood Blade, slashing out, intent... realization the sight, the crimson, flesh and saber the final rest, incogruence, is this what's it like to die? War Noise, a flash, running and hiding, falling faceless men, gunfire, missiles streaking... hit the wait i don't want to die... Dreaming real... Dreaming metal... dreaming blue... dreaming hope... --- "Enternity lies ahead, and behind. Have you drunk your fill?"
SoaringIcarus Posted November 28, 2002 Report Posted November 28, 2002 Interesting addition/ sequal to the first poem. It's reminescent of air raids on Dresden, in 1914, at least that's what I imagine it would be similar to. In the 'War' Stanza, I yearn for more detail. Good technique. I wonder why blood comes before War? Is there a civil war before an attack from an outside force? What is the blue hope? The clear of the sky after the smoke has cleared? Lots of questions, lots images. Nice work. -Icarus
Guest Jonathan Wolfe Posted November 28, 2002 Report Posted November 28, 2002 I could keep this up forever, so many words I can spew out To clarify, I am describing in very emotional and image rendering words, the setting of my story, Utopia's Twilight, it's a big project, taken two years so far with only a chapter or two of result. These poems are short but vibrant and help express some of the ideas behind the story. In other words? I'm not finished yet. --- "Enternity lies ahead, and behind. Have you drunk your fill?"
Guest Kasmandre Posted December 3, 2002 Report Posted December 3, 2002 wow, I'm not much of a poetry buff, but I like it. Kinda creepy at the end. I can't wait for more... -------------- Kasmandre, Initiate of the Pen "Time slowed, reality bent. On and on the Eggman went." -Dreamcatcher. by Stephen King "So long, and thanks for all the fish." -Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. by Douglas Adams "Let's Roll." -Flight 93
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