Zadown Posted September 28, 2004 Author Report Posted September 28, 2004 blades 2 to be or not to be that has been said but the real question is to burden or not to be silent or not to drain your friends with unreal phantasms or to curl around your muteness?
Ayshela Posted September 28, 2004 Report Posted September 28, 2004 Zadown, you really need to get out of my head.. i'm telling you, it's not a good place to be.. love these last two. *hugs*
Zadown Posted September 28, 2004 Author Report Posted September 28, 2004 I must admit I wasn't really happy with either blade poem, but I trust the judgement of both of you better than mine - guess they weren't as trite as I thought. Wyv said there's too many love poems, and there's always too many teenage angst poems, so I thought I'd write some post-teenage angst poems instead...
Gwaihir Posted September 29, 2004 Report Posted September 29, 2004 wanted to catch you on irc to say this but the first blade poem definitely affected me. good stuff imo.
Zadown Posted October 15, 2004 Author Report Posted October 15, 2004 I saw a funny thing today hoarfrost hiding in shadows asphalt burnt black by morning sun darkness glittering with white the spots of light dark as night
Zadown Posted December 2, 2004 Author Report Posted December 2, 2004 (edited) born at night I was born at night cried out and sucked in shadows a seed of gloom and idle despair and now I am weary enough to exhale breathe out little clouds of ink old enough to toast my tenebrous twin a glass of wine and a cynic smile Edited to delete two stanzas. Edited December 12, 2004 by Zadown
Zadown Posted December 12, 2004 Author Report Posted December 12, 2004 Went through my old poems once again and decided to translate a few more, even if they are a bit rough diamonds *cough*. Some of the better ones are too dark and brooding - I think there's enough of those already so they shall remain un-translated. It's a bit sad that my current life is worn too smooth, lacks the necessary edges, for me to write many effective poems any more. Eviscerate I kneel before you with a questioning look once again colour the ground with my guts again cut myself open you are worth it The Thing sleep conquers morning-gorilla arrives mops with its victim messes the hair totally vanishes to the night with a grin Broken I let the phone fall its bang changes shifts to the cling of the chain of friendship his words did not exactly say it the key was in his tone detacher the sum of events the torn present a change in a man I thought I knew now our clocks tick a different time
Zadown Posted January 25, 2005 Author Report Posted January 25, 2005 the long fingers of winter reach me even here in my nest underneath seven warm layers I shiver chilled to the bone
Zadown Posted February 7, 2005 Author Report Posted February 7, 2005 in the deep warm seas of my bed thoughts swim akin to fuzzy whales sing their slow, beautiful songs; the muted center of consciousness suspended between dreams and reality
reverie Posted February 8, 2005 Report Posted February 8, 2005 lovely Z... but, the the transition from line 2 to 3 kind of throws me off... "singing" maybe instead of "sing" or break it into two stanzas... or throw a colon after "whales:" ...just some suggestions... rev... <---- wants a fuzzy whale...
Zadown Posted February 8, 2005 Author Report Posted February 8, 2005 Yah, it's a bit jagged transition. I tried tinkering with it but couldn't find a better configuration yet - chopping it in two leaves the last two lines sort of lonely and I wasn't inspired enough to write a 6th line (either to the end or between 3rd and 4th current line) right now. I'll see if I can do something to it later.
reverie Posted February 8, 2005 Report Posted February 8, 2005 ...i mean it does work though... A simple period to illustrate a pause may be all it needs. rev...
Zadown Posted February 27, 2005 Author Report Posted February 27, 2005 Russian techno bass is my heartbeat my heartbeat the growl of the engine lights stream across my vision miles vanish under the rubber feet technological prayer wheels grinding me tranquil nirvana
Zadown Posted April 4, 2005 Author Report Posted April 4, 2005 Ode to Korvapuusti Oh, thy unsurpassed fragrance thick anticipation in the warm air minutes transmute into aeons drool ruins the clothes Finally, the door opens your tanned shapes appear amidst the swirling mist trembling hands help you out I reach for thee my hand on thy hot skin sends shivers through me intoxicated by thine perfume Half-parted lips and thee meet in an explosion of cinnamon
Zadown Posted February 13, 2008 Author Report Posted February 13, 2008 They say cyborgs are the future heads with protruding metal jutting pieces of digital minds. But some of us are there already our minds humming on the table silence of a cooling fan a lobotomy.
Wyvern Posted February 19, 2008 Report Posted February 19, 2008 A few responses: "Russian techno" - I really like the mechanical imagery in this poem... the "growl of the engine," the "rubber feet" and the "technological prayer wheels" all added to the inspiring artificiality of the piece, which I'm sure is meant to reflect the music that the poem refers to. One gets a very positive impression of the techno through the poem, and the technological imagery just seems to add to the "tranquil nirvana" that the music sends the narrator into. The repetition of "heartbeat" is a nice touch as well, though the manner that the syllables repeat doesn't have the feel of a heartbeat to me. Well done poem, though, with lots of interesting imagery. "Ode to Korvapuusti" - Hah! Funny... I was going to ask whether this poem was an ode to a person or an ode to a perfume, but decided to google "Korvapuusti" beforehand and found out about the real subject of the poem. Keeping the true object of the narrator's affection in mind, the poem is very cleverly written, with plenty of references to the real object of affection while still keeping a tone that might suggest an actual person. I *thought* there was something odd about "hot skin" before looking into Korvapuusti further... Tasty, though I prefer Pain au Chocolate personally. ;-D Your latest poem - an interesting comparison. Perhaps if the cyborg prediction proves to be true, mass lobotomy will be the way that people fulfill said prophecy. It's scary to realize that there are things people joke about that are closer to reality than people expect, and this poem expresses that well. I enjoyed reading these, Zadown. Thanks for sharing them. :-)
Zadown Posted November 6, 2008 Author Report Posted November 6, 2008 Winter Soul With age-wrought wisdom I sit here, waiting for my soul to thaw. The time-honed burden always the same.
Harmonious_Echos Posted November 6, 2008 Report Posted November 6, 2008 I like it...it makes me think about a statue in winter, or maybe like Michaelangelo's studious young man...I think it was michaelangelo... heh. Anyway nice mental imagery
Zadown Posted November 7, 2008 Author Report Posted November 7, 2008 I like it...it makes me think about a statue in winter, or maybe like Michaelangelo's studious young man...I think it was michaelangelo... heh. Anyway nice mental imagery This is one of the things I really like about writing - you think of something, and then you write it down in some form ... and somebody else reads it and thinks something completely different. Perhaps not a good quality in user manuals, but definitely good in poems.
Harmonious_Echos Posted November 10, 2008 Report Posted November 10, 2008 true, true...that is why it's so tricky to find and write about subjects that so many people can relate to. I think you've done that, though. Congrats!
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