Zadown Posted November 24, 2002 Report Posted November 24, 2002 LOADING PLEASE WAIT... slash metal bends to stronger will life gushes away in a fountain of red soon nothing between me and death hate father answers to my call folding warrior rises again with fury another second bought for us all more another one joins the fray cutting past the barrier of steel seeking the source of life blood my own screams pierce me earth climbs up for an embrace armor hammers the fallen pain vision cloudy crimson link to god broken somebody dies up rise bleeding hasty prayer delays death
Gyrfalcon Posted November 25, 2002 Report Posted November 25, 2002 *chuckles* Been playing just a bit too much Everquest, Zadown. Still, a good poem all and all. The style is interesting, with the one word first line, and then the three lines of poetry below that. When skimming through, the first lines jump out, bringing to mind snippits of battle. (Which is where the person the poem focuses on is killed.)
Falcon2001 Posted November 25, 2002 Report Posted November 25, 2002 Damn good stuff. Cioden Darkeye Quill-Bearer - The Pen is Mightier than the Sword Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses"Oh my God, I'm LEAKING POETRY!"
Peredhil Posted November 25, 2002 Report Posted November 25, 2002 Imagery! Zadown's poetry like always Seizes my throat like a fist Impacting hearts. "Why is it people want to define Free Will as Freedom from Consquences instead of Freedom to Choose?" - Nyyark
Zadown Posted November 26, 2002 Author Report Posted November 26, 2002 Most everything I write is just what I'd paint if I had the gift for that kind of art. So, if they convoy images, that's because they are richly colored, moving and lively pictures in my head. Poems are for my lazy periods ... less words, less work. Have no idea about what is a good and what is a bad poem, though. With my normal prose I at least know I'm usually doing half-decent job, with poems I have no such reassuring feelings. I post what I post, and wish it's worth the time it takes to read it. And Gyr - easiest to write about things I know. Dying to heal aggro in Plane of Nightmares is one of those things.
Lady Celes Crusader Posted November 26, 2002 Report Posted November 26, 2002 *lol* I love that poem. Its so funny, I to played to much of Diablo2 these days.
Zadown Posted November 27, 2002 Author Report Posted November 27, 2002 scaled feet tap the stone huge bulk moves with grace tail snakes from side to side yet eyes alight with fury prisoner of his own kind roamer of the Halls tested but not yet guilty balking at the justice a lizard appears defier of the dragons kin of the undead emperor unwelcome guest a roar and a bellow and winter's icy breath heralds of the guardian vanguard for white wurm he steps to crush only finding bare stone he snaps with jaws to eat empty air a deadly pursuit claws bounce from plate reptilian blood splatters and marks the path the little one persist hisses and skitters runs like a wolf with fire on it's heels turn through a door made for giants down vast steps for titans to stride finally talons connect gouge hardened metal fell the iksar make him crumble down a moment of triump draconic yell of victory he stamps the ground whips with his tail and is disturbed again made to turn by a blast of magic a new challenge he surges forward ready to claim another thundering up more steps to close with the mortal wurm unleashes it's anger coats the walls with frost slices the puny paladin with shards of ice he stands stalwart ignores the gaping maw mortal wounds opening bones rent broken paladin's axe scratches slices and wounds bites and claws even as he bleeds long neck snaps back ready for a final blow paladin retreats a step and is healed a pause second of silence wurm and a man poised for a fight paladin from afar he gestures invokes his god marks the drake guilty beyond the corner behind the wurm flows an army soldiers of justice a dark elf slips his dagger under the scales stabs a deep wound the puny lizard rises anew and whole repaired by prayers now deadly with his lance drake trashes and rages spewing ice clawing flesh all undone by soft chants he burns by the fires of sun poison fills his veins tiger tears his flesh assaulted by magic and steel light fades in the eyes death's door last enrage crushing of a magician's pet so he falls forgotten prisoner clutching in his claws unadorned plate boots
SoaringIcarus Posted November 28, 2002 Report Posted November 28, 2002 I like it even though it feels as if I'm missing a lot of information. Someone mentioned EverQuest? Perhaps I would need to play that in order to get the full effect of this poem? As for the initial post in this thread, I like how it's organized visually, especially with the first line of each stanza; it caters to the whims of my particularl mode of thought. Although I felt a bit left out in the second poem (Neither of the poems in this thread are crap), I did like the somewhat cosmic finality in the ending.
Zadown Posted December 2, 2002 Author Report Posted December 2, 2002 Found some stuff from my My Documents folder. The first one is 1.5 years old, the second a bit older. Can't remember what I felt when I wrote them... dead calm I live in the high places on the backs of leviathans great behemoths of the sky it is calm in here still and quiet and I feel vertigo grip me I could drop from this nest soar downwards claws extended be a death from above but I fear the seething sea below the boiling ocean beneath me falling is a lonely way to die but perhaps being up here is lonelier still repeat I'm a sleep addict eight hours are not enough any more ten make me feel ethereal but tired twelve blur the line between dreams and imagination reality is too harsh or I am too soft either way I want to sleep forever
Zadown Posted January 7, 2003 Author Report Posted January 7, 2003 GWs in SF (or a lament to the lost time) mountainside painted with blood death upon death bled over it once more the hammer rises once more the spectres charge to kill crackles the power of conjured ice over the rivers of lava death upon death and one more mountainside painted with blood and guts death upon death and one more bled over it once more the tiger growls once more the judgement strikes soars the spear of pain towards the heart of a wyvern death upon death and two more mountainside painted with blood, guts and gore death upon death and two more bled over it once more the darkness engulfs once more the fighting edge is won claws rend the scaly skin of an already old wurm death upon death and three more mountainside painted with blood, guts, gore and sweat death upon death and three more bled over it ... (voice fades)
Zadown Posted May 27, 2004 Author Report Posted May 27, 2004 period. I opened an old mail by accident and even if I saw only a few words of a forgotten text I knew right away from whom it had been and what it was about I felt physically sick as always when I see my own blood flow from that dead end grew a path which I now walk and even when I repeat all is forgiven the sickness does not abate it erupts into pictures visions of some other me who did not go this way and is now, perhaps happier or just sad in a different way
Ayshela Posted May 27, 2004 Report Posted May 27, 2004 wow. *nods* *speechless* done this. felt this. and i love this - and is now, perhaps happier or just sad in a different way
Katzaniel Posted May 28, 2004 Report Posted May 28, 2004 I felt that the first 6 lines were mostly there for explanation, but was still left confused. If you wanted us to understand the background, I think you need another line or two. If not, then for me they were out of place. After those lines it launches into what I see as the actual poem. I enjoyed it. I liked the style. I'm sorry, I've never been good at explaining what I do like about things, only to say that I did like it. And I did.
Zadown Posted May 29, 2004 Author Report Posted May 29, 2004 5 lines I guess ye mean? "period." is supposed to be the title. In any case, I thought it is rather clear as far as poems go. Never read an old love letter (or some "bad news" -mail, I suppose) by accident and felt bitter about how things ended up? Ayshela obviously has.
Ayshela Posted May 29, 2004 Report Posted May 29, 2004 *nods* it's especially bad when it blindsides you.. snagged it thinking it was something quite different, and the gut-wrenching shock when you realize what you're holding..
Katzaniel Posted May 29, 2004 Report Posted May 29, 2004 Oh, a love letter... I'm only 21 (as of today) and never had a boyfriend before this one, and he doesn't write love letters. I've never kept any bad mail, either. So I guess a lot of it is lost on me. The title, ehh, that makes a lot more sense then.
Finnius Posted May 29, 2004 Report Posted May 29, 2004 *Looks up... *Shocked! Why, Katz, no one's ever written you a good love letter?! We simply can't let this be! /me runs off to PM much sappiness to Katz.
Gwaihir Posted May 29, 2004 Report Posted May 29, 2004 Gwai knew exactly what Z meant and finds this one impressive and interesting.
Katzaniel Posted May 31, 2004 Report Posted May 31, 2004 Sorry to crowd up your thread with all these replies, Zadown, but... Imagine my surprise upon entering the Pen and discovering a PM from Finnius pouring his heart out to me with a confession that he's falling in love with me... You just can't do that to people, Finnius! Although I must say he was right about my eyes.
Zadown Posted June 1, 2004 Author Report Posted June 1, 2004 It's no problem, Katz, yer just bumping up the thread and the view count, BWHAHAH HAHAHA HAAAAAAAAA!!!one Besides, it is Pen tradition to derail threads.
Salinye Posted June 1, 2004 Report Posted June 1, 2004 I'll be sure to scold that boyfriend of yours, Katz! Someone with such talent should not be neglecting his love letter duties!! BTW, I think mine wasn't quite as eloquent as Finn's. BTW, Zadown...always a fan of your work. ~Salinye
Zadown Posted September 27, 2004 Author Report Posted September 27, 2004 blades a friendly word might conceal a blade the edges of the sentences slice up old wounds an innocent word can pulse with poison wake up memories best left alone faceless, anonymous our tones are flat ASCII rictus tells so little
Appy Posted September 27, 2004 Report Posted September 27, 2004 Z, that was absolutely brilliant. I loved the last two lines... thanks
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