Yui-chan Posted December 13, 2004 Author Report Posted December 13, 2004 {Transfered from the freewrites thread in order to consolidate poems.} Telecon written 7 December, 2004 The faceless men on the other end drone on and on in foreign tones, their formless hands rifling brittle sheets and pointing up at a backlit screen. They plop down words on some table top with reflective sheen - maybe coffee stains? - and normalcy fades by a swift degree to jargon codes and to acronyms, all dressed in the chic office buzz with bright plumage from their pidgin terms. The plastic box with its errant sounds makes digital from the distant real and pipes it in to my coffin nook, where I pretend that its tinny tones mean anything from so far away.
Yui-chan Posted March 7, 2005 Author Report Posted March 7, 2005 By request and because some of us aren't aware of the rich zaniness and unabashed creativity that goes on in the Shoutbox, I am adding these little diddies to my list of poetry. I encourage everyone to pop into the Shoutbox and add their moments and thoughts to the mix. 9 Dec 03:33pm | Yui: Once upon a workday dreary, while I stressed out, weak and weary, 9 Dec 03:35pm | Yui: Over many a rough and thunderous visage of old, crusty men... 9 Dec 03:36pm | Yui: While I sat there, nearly cracking, suddenly there came a smacking 9 Dec 03:37pm | Yui: As of me ungently whacking, whacking on my desk again. 9 Dec 03:41pm | Yui: "'Tis some pent-up rage," I muttered, "acting on my desk again - 9 Dec 03:43pm | Yui: - Only this and not my pen." 9 Dec 03:44pm | Yui: X_X 9 Dec 10:55pm | Finnius: Edgar Allan Yui! 9 Dec 10:55pm | Finnius: Er... or is it Allen? I can never remember... 9 Dec 11:29pm | Zadown: EAY's a scary writer .. I remember the palpable feeling of dread EAY's works woke up in me when I was younger 10 Dec 09:08am | Appy: Wish he would've been compulsive reading material at school, maybe i'd have some stories then, that I could read now 10 Dec 10:16am | EAYui: It's 'Allan', Finnster. 10 Dec 10:18am | EAYui: http://www.poedecoder.com/Qrisse/ 10 Dec 10:18am | EAYui: Quoth the Yui, "Google! Score!" 10 Dec 10:19am | EAYui: See the website with the Poe - 10 Dec 10:19am | EAYui: Eerie Poe! 10 Dec 10:20am | EAYui: What a world of shadow life his writing strives to show! 10 Dec 10:20am | EAYui: How he scribbles, scribbles, scribbles 10 Dec 10:20am | EAYui: In the icy air of night! 10 Dec 10:21am | EAYui: Normal words all decked in quibbles 10 Dec 10:22am | EAYui: and in heart-constricting fibbles 10 Dec 10:22am | EAYui: bring us disturbing delight! 10 Dec 10:23am | EAYui: 10 Dec 01:42pm | Peredhil: Join the Conga Line!!! 10 Dec 07:01pm | Peredhil: dut-dut-dut-dut. dut. KICK! 10 Dec 08:45pm | Tzimfemme: Oh no, not the drunken paladins again. . . 12 Dec 12:31am | Katzaniel: * Carefully rereads the Raven * Oh, what masterful rhymes... I hope that serves your needs, Katz. Yours, ~Yui
Yui-chan Posted March 11, 2005 Author Report Posted March 11, 2005 Little Words written 11 March, 2005 Little words like dream-wet drops, they trickle from my brain, a tidal wave that never stops just washing me insane. In twos and threes and thousand streams they ravage mental shores, erode their way through Id extremes and Ego's steel-clad doors. Like liquid mice, they seep throughout this complex of my mind, dragging in what I toss out and stealing what they find until I'm left all drowned and blue, just floating in the bay of little words that ring too true and have too much to say.
Wyvern Posted March 13, 2005 Report Posted March 13, 2005 I really like "Little Words," Yui. The phrasing and structure of the poem are excellent as always, and the extended simile of little words acting like a violent ocean tide is well done. I particularly liked the lines "erode their way through Id extremes/ and Ego's steel-clad doors," as your references to the Id and the Ego struck me as original and evocative. I also thought the contrasting concept of little words evoking "too much" made for a strong ending to the piece, and drove across the theme of the poem well. One reference in the poem that struck me as a bit awkward was that of the little words being like "liquid mice," as topping your original tidal wave simile with another simile seemed almost a bit excessive to me. You could consider dropping the mice aspect and sticking to the original wave simile, or you might simply drop the adjective "liquid" from the second stanza and switch to a new mice simile there (though that might complicate things in the second half of the stanza). Just my impressions, of course. Once again, very good poem. Another addition to your already impressive repertoire.
Yui-chan Posted May 31, 2005 Author Report Posted May 31, 2005 Wyvie, Thanks for the feedback, once again. I can see your point about the transition between similes getting strange. The mice were meant to meld together the idea of water, which gets in through the tiniest cracks, and a fortress, which would be infested with vermin who can do much the same thing. The words in the last stanza, though, just don't make that shift as clear as it could be. An astute observation, as always. You're my poetry Professor. And, on to the next... Finally, a new addition to my 'IST' sequence. This is the product of having my laptop in a really dull, day-long meeting. Whee! Computerness rocks. On the downside, though, I used so many MS Word tools that I can't properly convert this to text for the Pen Board. I apologize, but you're going to be viewing it as an image, instead. Ah, and ... I sure hope you can read what it says. If necessary, I'll provide a translation of the text. >_ Overzealous, ~Yui
Ayshela Posted May 31, 2005 Report Posted May 31, 2005 oh gods, Yui, that's wonderful! must must must drag NightFae in to see, this is SO up her alley! brilliant, and so completely in tune with current moods...
Alaeha Posted May 31, 2005 Report Posted May 31, 2005 *Blink Blink* I'm not sure whether to be proud or ashamed that I can read that... it's like the ultimate leet-speak. Definitely one of the most memorable poems I've seen in quite a while. And I think the meter is mostly consistent. I had to pause over a couple of words, so I may've missed a rough spot or too though.
NightFae Posted May 31, 2005 Report Posted May 31, 2005 If I weren't so sleepy I could probably finish reading that but as it's been a long weekend and my geek to english translation skills are running low, I think I'll have to finish later. It's almost kind of funny that I've read and understood people typing like that and sometimes worse. At least you can spell.
Ayshela Posted May 31, 2005 Report Posted May 31, 2005 poor NightFae.. i should have waited until she wasn't half-asleep sick. may have to just read it to her.
Katzaniel Posted June 1, 2005 Report Posted June 1, 2005 It's rather amusing that despite all the talk of freedom, no rules, and inspiration governing, despite the mad attempt to escape the conformity of text, despite the unabashed freedom of constriction that the piece brings to mind... that despite all that, the anarchist has followed rhythmic and rhyming patterns of poetry. I liked it. I really did. It was difficult to read, and I can't help but wish for the sake of those not fluent in l33t and the like that there be some halfway-sane version, but I liked how the "text" format visually aided the concepts discussed. And, when it comes to the actual poem, sheared down to its words as they reach my brain one at a time and a line at a time, I once again find myself awed by your mastery of them, the seeming ability to pick words like books off a shelf and order them as you need to produce such an effect.
Wyvern Posted June 3, 2005 Report Posted June 3, 2005 I'll echo the comments of others by saying that I really liked the presentation of "Anarchist," Yui. :-) I thought that the creative uses of chaotic text spoke well to the notion of anarchism, and think that this piece fits nicely into your "IST" series. I agree with Katzaniel that the thorough uses of rhyme and meter caught me off-guard given the chaos of the rest of the piece, but I think it adds an interesting sense of irony to the poem. A minor thing: I generally follow the stream of conscious in the poem, but am a bit uncertain where the crossed out "phookin earz hang low" statement came from. I really like the manner that the statement is crossed out and replaced with a declaration rejecting patterns, though... Definitely ironic, as noted before. Great stuff.
Yui-chan Posted June 14, 2005 Author Report Posted June 14, 2005 Everyone, Thanks very much for your comments and feedback. I think you've proven to me that Anarchist did what it was intended, since you noted not only the wild attempt to break out of the mold but also that bitter irony that's built into the very structure of the piece. I think the entire concept of an anarchistic system is rife with contradiction and uncertainty, and the reality of it would be far, far different from what any sane person truly wants. Wyvie, the 'let phookin' ears hang low' line is a play on a colloquialism that basically means 'let it all hang out'... be natural and unfettered. Once again, it's a reference to being free. I thought it had a kind of punk-metal beatnik sound to it that made me laugh, so I threw it in there. Ah, and for anyone who went crosseyed trying to read this, here is the conventionalized text: Let chaos reign! Let instinct rule! Let institutions fall! Let simple man with simple needs live simply through it all. (Freedom!) Humanity the animal should not be chained by laws or governments that make no sense with fundamental flaws. Let freedom ring! Let me be me! Let f__kin' ears hang low! (and to hell with patterns and expectations so bite me I'll do what I want) Let order crack and die to let me change the world I know. This stagnancy society must rip itself apart (bleed bleed bleed) to cleanse through pain and acid rain its ice-cold, rotting heart. So Let fragiles break! Let lives dissolve! Let paradigms explode! Let lawless men be beasts again and find what's down that road. Just don't complain when life is flames and scars and ruined dreams, 'cause Anarchy demands of me the human monster's screams.
NightFae Posted April 16, 2006 Report Posted April 16, 2006 Just randomly remembering poems I heard. Anarchist was one I had pretty much fallen in love with and decided to hunt it up and read it once more. And then promptly decided that anyone who HADN'T gotten the chance to read it...Should.
Yui-chan Posted September 14, 2006 Author Report Posted September 14, 2006 Awww... thanks for thinking of it, Fae! It's nice to know when a work makes enough of an impression on a person that they think of it out of the blue months later. And for all who had given up on yours truly during the long poetry-dry spell, I offer the newest installment in the 'ist' series! Huzzah! It even won a contest at another site. Feedback welcome, though, as always. Much love, ~Yui the Ghost Narcissist 4 Sept, 2006 She caught me in an instant, the dream across the room, her creamy skin and artful curves just waiting to consume, and I - the chosen victim - I tumbled soundlessly within a sea of frost-licked green and sparkling ecstasy. Parted lips, then, silken smooth, released me with their sighs, the saving breaths that lifted me from depthless, soulful eyes. Floating there, in sun-filled skies that whispered love-warm air, I watched her lift a trembling hand, caress her golden hair. Gossamer and diamond-bright and soft as falling snow, it tumbled down her naked back in liquid, graceful flows. Draped in shim'ring satin, gemstones gleaming at her wrist, she met my stare with dawning awe, my clear regard unmissed. And that was when I fell in love, felt all my heart rest here - this stunning creature peering back, behind the full-length mirror.
Ayshela Posted October 21, 2006 Report Posted October 21, 2006 I have always loved your vivid description - pinpoint precision wording floating in rivulets of rhythm so carefully crafted as to seem careless. This is wonderful. I can nearly see the the vision of beauty as you paint her in words, which makes the wrenching twist at the end all the more effective. I've seen many a narcissist across a room over the years, and you lead one to that mental image skillfully before spinning in the mirror. Beautifully done, as always, and well worth looking up.
Yui-chan Posted October 24, 2006 Author Report Posted October 24, 2006 Thank you, Ayshela. I'm really glad you enjoyed this piece. It does my heart especially proud to hear you say that it comes together so well that it seems careless, as I think I worked harder to iron this one out than I usually do. Your impressions validate all that work. Thanks! ~Yui
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