Canid Posted September 28, 2002 Report Posted September 28, 2002 (edited) Simple and so refined; A goddess if not in mind: My beauty is luring And modesty whole. Perfect wife; living dream. Complements. I am clean. My soul is a burden On those who can think. I must earn my keep, Be obedient and kind. My body’s a burden On those with a mind. Servant to rich and men; Always come home again. All are my master Which I shouldn’t mind. How can I feel sorrow If I have no mind? Why is it I may not speak? - ”Question not, just believe.” Will you just let me dream? - “Argue not, never leave!” Trapped then and waiting - “I am your master” For life to explain, - “For I am the man.” Why I’m cursed with a soul When I’m seen with no brain? Simple and so refined; A goddess if not in mind: My beauty is luring And modesty whole. Perfect wife; living dream. Complements. I am clean. Brief endnote.: I'm not a feminist - the way women are treated in today's society - where I live at least - is perfectly fine. Equality yay. I recently read a book - historic fiction - recalling the life-story of a woman in the mid-1300s and for some reason while singing a melancholy medieval-style tune thing I put these words to it. It is supposed to be a secret composition (secret because she might get in trouble for what it implies) of a woman of that era forced into complete submission to all about her because of her gender. The dashes show where lines are sung in unison with the lines above them. It's not a very good poem and not the optimistic or humorous kind that I will proudly show people but it's nice to know that my brain with still spit out something creative without being prodded with electrons once in a while (not literally I assure you. ). Edited June 30, 2014 by Canid
Wyvern Posted September 29, 2002 Report Posted September 29, 2002 Interesting poem, Canid. As you pointed out in your end notes, this "Secret Poem" seems to be focused mainly around the theme of the oppresion of women due to their gender in a society dominated by males. The poem is told from the perspective of a woman, and the theme is hinted at through several references she makes to having "no mind" to make her decisions with. This theme is also shown in the questions the narrator poses in the fifth stanza of the poem, and the answers she recieves from one of her male "masters". Rather then answering the narrator in a rational manner, the man responds by telling her to "Question not, just believe", implying that she has no say in the matter and pointing directly towards the principle theme of the poem. There was one line that seemed awkward to me in terms of rhythm... In the second stanza, when the narrator notes that her soul is a burden "On those who can think", the line doesn't really seem to flow with the rest of the poem for me. Other then that, I think that the rhythm is good... Nice work, Canid. [image]http://members.shaw.ca/kea/am/wyvy.jpg[/image] ------------------------------ Almost a Dragon... "My life is one big crime, I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense" Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze.
The Portrait of Zool Posted September 29, 2002 Report Posted September 29, 2002 This is wonderful Canid. Very good.
Guest SaberCoEP Posted October 4, 2002 Report Posted October 4, 2002 Not bad at all.. Even though women have equality in most lands, it still is not the equality that is deserved. Perhaps that will never come to be, until man can first overcome the feeling of superiority, and realize that all are equally worthless or equally needed.. That depends on your own views of life and people.. I think I'm getting off the point. So, I'll end this by saying, nice poem.. Not the best, but not bad.. It's going to cause me to read some of your other work though, so I'm sure I'll find better works of yours. For the end is never seen, always heard and rarely understood.
Recommended Posts