Guest opesopacus Posted August 30, 2002 Report Posted August 30, 2002 BOREDOM it’s like old silver – slight shine covered by dark residue long ago lost its polish its tinge it’s hollow empty void cold nothing boredom BONY HAND II a bony hand rubbing up from the base of your spine to the small of your back, between your shoulder blades …. C – 6 wraps around your jaw comes ‘round, embraces you - ugly CRACK
Wyvern Posted September 13, 2002 Report Posted September 13, 2002 Opesopacus, First of all, my apologies for not having responded to any of your poems earlier... You posted a great deal of them at once, and I had previously only managed to seriously go through about 5 of your works. Now, however, I've taken the time to read over every one of your poems in order, from the first one you posted to the last, and can now thoroughly comment on them... The first thing that immediatly struck me about your poetry is it's structure, which I find both interestingly formulated and somewhat chaotic. The sentences of your poems are mostly formed in a manner that is choppy and often fragmented, completely ignoring conventional grammatical structures. This is combined with some interesting uses of indentation, as well as certain moments where direct exclamations are made to an unknown listener (the end of "BEAST" being a good example of this). Overall, the structure of the poetry accentuates the ways in which it's meant to be read, and also adds a definite sense of confusion and chaos to the mood of the poems. The imagery used in your poetry is often very dark and disturbing, and usually conveys themes of hopelessness, solitude, loneliness, and the lack of self acceptance. Certain imagery is repeated throughout several of the poems, such as the images of prison, torture, rape, and the climbing of steep summits (as a metaphor for hardships). I noticed that there is also a definite sense of unity between your different works, as almost all of your poems seem to be connected both in terms of themes presented and structure. It seemed to me that each poem acts as a continuation of the previous one posted (i.e "[FALSE?] OPTIMISM" was a continuation of "BLACK-BLUE", "TOWER" was a continuation of "[FALSE?] OPTIMISM", etc.). Together, the poems act almost like a sort of journal for the narrator... But then, there are the exceptions of a few poems that break this trend... "DAEMONE", for example, offers different themes as it deals with the Ku Klux Klan, and "LUGUBREITY" follows a different sentence structure. Interestingly enough, "DAEMONE" and "LUGUBREITY" also happen to be my favorite of your works... On the more negative side of things, I didn't really like any of your more recent poems that were posted in the Pen (I refer to the poem "RRREVELATIONNN" and all those posted from 8/20/02 onwards). I found them to be hollow shells of your earlier poems, concentrating on the same themes as your previous ones but doing so in a far more blunt and uninteresting manner. I think that your poetry is at its best when you take an original concept (such as that of "DAEMONE") and expand upon it while maintaining your dark imagery and original sentence structure. Anyway, that's my .50 wooden cents. ;p For those that haven't read "DAEMON" or "LUGUBREITY", I definitely recommend them (they can be found on the second page of this Poetry section). I encourage you to continue practicing your writing, opesopacus, and will be on the lookout for new works... Note: this wasn't posted in the Critic's Corner (where summary threads of this nature are normally posted) as opesopacus does not have access to the area. [image]http://members.shaw.ca/kea/am/wyvy.jpg[/image] ------------------------------ Almost a Dragon... "My life is one big crime, I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense" Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze. Edited by: Wyvern00 at: 9/12/02 8:16:58 pm
Guest opesopacus Posted September 13, 2002 Report Posted September 13, 2002 thank you for your reply, wyvern. i found it most insightful. it is interesting that you found lugubriety and daemone to be my best poems... i tend to agree... the circumstances under which these poems were written are also quite interesting... they were not catalyzed by any particular event on the outside world... by this i mean that i was not writting to release pent up emotion... they just came out by themselves.. i like the fact that you noticed the difference between the earlier works and those which came after rrrevelationnn... those poems also strike me as different from the rest and i was a lot more conscious of what i was writting about and what my problems were... so i suppose that they are more direct and less interesting... they're more rants.... anyways, that's what i g et for listening to a lot of henry rollins... i however, like grey winter mourning and mayqueen all the poems that come after black pearls on spine are different from those which preceeded them... it's basically a new collection...
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