Rosemary Poems

[Guest Minta Rose]

(background: Another IRC-born villanelle, polished and placed here.)

 

albino came and left again and wept.

you call me bloodless? true. you bled me dry

and I to you, and all the others slept.

 

you sneered where I was born--'the bastards' crypt'

pronounced what all should should think of it. I sigh;

albino came and left again. And wept--

 

we all did. purest you, so white, to spit.

said he to me, we yet will learn to fly,

and I to you, and all the others slept.

 

with thinking self-absorbed your thinking kept

your loving to a bit of you. but why?

albino came and left again, and wept.

 

you broke him clean in two. and half it crept

and pierced me. forever must you cry

and I to you. and all the others slept

 

pretending nothing happened. were they prepped

so blindly to be you? I shame you. Fie!

albino came and left again, and wept,

and I to you, and all the others slept.

[Peredhil]

Fragments

 

Are all I glean.

 

I cherish the reading none-the-less.

You stir my hindbrain with visions, even when the fore-brain cries defeat.

 

-P

[Quincunx]

The dark dissolved and showed me what I fear,

All joined as one, and rotting as it flies;

Despite what godly say, I see you here.

 

I saw too late the teeming dark was near.

And knowing this, which nobody will prize,

The dark dissolved and showed me what I fear

 

Above the rest remains abstract, unclear.

Despite what those in white will idolize,

Despite what godly say, I see you here,

 

Ten thousand winking every time you sneer,

And when, by what you've done, another dies.

The dark dissolved and showed me what I fear

 

Is true; I died in some forgotten year.

They prayed but what they want's not realized.

Despite what godly say, I see you here.

 

I pray that something less true will appear;

I hope that here is kinder than your eyes.

The dark dissolved and showed me what I fear;

Despite what godly say, I see you here.

[Wyvern]

I think that this is a very good poem, Quincunx. I really like the rhyme scheme and structure of the piece, and think that the repetition and consistant meter give it an hypnotic quality. The imagery centered around eyes and winking is very good, as are the references to prayers and idols. I also found the punctuation of the poem very interesting, and liked how it was closed with a repetition of the final lines of the stanzas.

 

The phrase "which nobody will prize" in the second stanza struck me as less relevent than the other references in the piece. Rhyme-wise it works very well, but it somehow strikes me as a less ambitious statement than the other lines.

 

Great stuff.