Guest Kasmandre Posted November 26, 2002 Report Posted November 26, 2002 (edited) ooc: I think this is proof positive of my insanity... ic:iIt was a dark and mysterious night. A lone figure crept through the darkness... BANG!!! "OW!!" The lone figure banged his shin against a dumpster... "Couldn't you have told me that was coming, you moron?" Who's the moron, the author, or the moron who can't go ten steps without running into a dumpster? "It's dark, you idiot! You said it yourself!! That's WHY it's dark! Couldn't you at least give me a flashlight?" No "Why the hell not!!" Because you're supposed to be sneaking. If I let you have a flashlight, I'll have to start thinking about what happens if someone sees it. It's much simpler this way. "I've been yelling at you for the last couple of lines. If someone was going to notice me, I think they would have noticed me by now." Well, not if they're deaf. "So now I'm sneaking up on deaf people?" Yes "That's retarded." Well, you brought it on yourself. "Like hell I did! You're the moron author who couldn't create a character who can see properly in the dark! I mean jeez!" Who are you to question my methods? "I'm the poor sap who's getting hurt by your 'methods.' Have you ever done this before?" Yes, plenty of times. "Really, like when?" Shut up, I know what I'm doing. "Like balls you do! You created a shell of a character with no consideration for how he'd feel! I don't even have a name!" You do to have a name. "Then howcum I don't know it?" Because I haven't mentioned it yet. I'm giving the reader a minimum of information to create interest in the story. It's a literary technique. "Literary technique?? You sound like a college kid writing a paper for some piss and @#%$ literary mag. You probably had two writing classes in your whole life." ... "You're kidding me." Well, how am I ever supposed to learn if I don't get out and do things?? "I don't believe this, I was written by some kid hack. This is insulting." Insulting?!? "Well how would you feel if you were just a 'practice run' for God?" I don't believe in God, for your information... "Oh, Jesu-" And neither do you. "Now, just wait a minute here! You can't just come around and tell me what I can and can't believe!" Yes I can. I just did. "Like balls, you did. Until you admit that I'm not some damn A-the-ist,I'm not doing a damn thing you tell me too." You don't have a choice! I'm the writer!! "Oh, really, I don't, do I?" No!! Stand up!! "Nuh-uh." The figure in the darkness stood up. "Nothin' doin'. Not 'till I get a religious conversion." C'mon! I can't have my hero wasting his whole Sunday at church!! "Who said anything about church? Maybe I wanna be a Muslim?" No!! There's no way I'm writing a Muslim private eye!! "Why not?" I don't know anything about Muslims!! For all I know, they can't be dectives!! "So do some research. It'll be good for you." You can't tell me what to do!! I'm in charge here!! "You keep saying that. It doesn't make it true. You sound like you have some issues with independence. Do you write in order to exercise power over something?" Who the hell do you think you are? Freud???? "I don't know. You haven't given me a name, so I might very well be Freud." This is nuts!! A Muslim, Freudian private dick!!! Next you'll wanna be gay!! "I don't know, I've never seen another living being. For all I know, I might swing that way." No! I draw the line here. You're not Muslim, you're not Freudian, and you're not not not not not not not gay!!! "Does your homophobia stem from some tramatic incident you had as a child?" SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!!!! "Calm down." NOT UNTIL YOU ADMIT THAT I'M IN CHARGE!!! "I won't admit that until you act like you're in charge." FINE!! HOW'S THIS FOR IN CHARGE?? Suddenly the figure felt a gun pressing into the back of his head. "Trite." WHAT?!?!?! "I said, 'Trite.' That's all this is, a hopeless collection of cliches and steriotypes. I refuse to participate." IF YOU DON'T, I'LL PULL THE TRIGGER, I SWEAR I WILL! "Go for it, I'm sick of this story." The man with the gun pulls the trigger. ... "I think you forgot to write in bullets." THEY WERE IMPLIED!!! "Apparently not." THAT'S IT, LET'S SEE YOU WEASEL YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS ONE, YOU FREUDIAN FAGGOT! At that very moment, a Russian nuclear technician spilled vodka on his control pannel, accidentally sending an ICBM at the US, instigating Nuclear Winter!!! "Deus Ex Machina." SHA-BOOOM!!! TAKE THAT YOU UPPITY @#%$!!! LET'S SEE YOU CRAWL OUT OF THAT ONE!!! ... ... Aw, crap. Out of the glowing wreckage of civilization, staggered a single figure... -------------- Kasmandre1.1 All the old bugs have been fixed We swear!! Ok, there is this one where he explodes when placed beside women with large leather shields. But what're the odds of that? Edited April 29, 2004 by Alaeha
Gyrfalcon Posted November 26, 2002 Report Posted November 26, 2002 Gyrfalcon doubles over laughing, not even able to applaud as he would wish to.
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