Not Another Pen Movie!!!

[Guest Lord of the Gay]

Once upon a land in a time far, far away there were three brothers by the name of Orlano Angelus, Kindhil, and Nyypey. Now Kindhil was the perfect shepherd: although seeming misguided in his manners , he was politely gentle to the wool headed sheeps and fiercely defended his flock. After all, the sheeps are the only living thing in town that’ll listens to his oppressive depressive ranting about the importance of courtesy. Orlano Angelus was an apprentice at the forge in some kind of sense; he’s always pumping his iron rod at the ladies’ forge, and everywhere he goes the heat is always intense. Although he was well paid he was not happy with his job, and an aspect of him wished for something more in his life then just screwing around. The youngest child, Nyypey, was too young to work yet. He stayed home and took care of the chorus around the house. At his age he could already be a page at the pen’s keep or even a scribe, but his eldest brothers melancholy and his second brother’s reputation was too much to bear on the young one’s shoulders. Therefore he obediently does what he was told and quietly dream of fantastic adventures.

 

Now on this typical day Kindhil was once again grazing his sheeps while the village girls swarmed over Orlano Angelus’ house for a glimpse the young stud. Our Nyypey was out with his best and only friend Tyrbby to gather firewood for cooking when Nyypey found a patch of fairly odd mushrooms. With one nibble he feels strangely high, another bite and he knew he could fly high and slay dragons, and with another mouthful he’s already the king of the world! When he finished dreaming about his latest trip it was already dark. He knew he was lost too but that part he always knew and so he tried to make his way back home when he slipped and stumbled into a mucky mountain hole. The dim moonlight illuminate the cave only slightly, emphasized the darkness more then giving light. In fear Nyypey fumbled around his granite surrounding when he felt something metallic against the rocky edge. He held it up to the moonlight to see that it is a plain golden ring. Just as the same instance he heard a horrid, hissing voice echoing in the dark waters of the cavern. A small twisted silhouette wails, “My prescioussssss… my prescioussssss!!!” Nyypey scurried off like a frightened child, his hand slipped and at once the hideous creature noticed the presence of strangers in the cave. That thing came at him quickly before he could say “shish-ka-bob”. A strong hairy claw caught his back and in fear Nyypey let out a huge fart. The mushrooms that Nyypey ate worked into the fart like a sleeping gas and that creature swallowed, choked, and dropped back down into the mucky water like a dead fly. Nyypey ran toward the light, squeezed himself out of the crack, and blindly scuttled back home as fast as his little stubby feet could carry him.

 

With the ring still clasped into his hand Nyypey ran back home to see Kindhil’s angry face, but before the elder brother began another angry all powerful lecture about “how little children should respectfully be back before dinner or at least send a carrier pigeon back to tell his compulsively punctual and overly concern brother that he can’t make it back” when all of a sudden there was a long hard forceful pounding at the door. Kindhil opened the door to see Orlano Angelus’ frighten face as he sneaked back in the house with catlike agility.

 

“Brother! You would not guess what I just saw out there on the streets!” Kindhil actually could guess what it was, and probably could get it right too. There are only a few things that would terrorize his brother’s otherwise charismatic composition, but it was senselessly rude to cut someone off to answer a rhetorical question so he let his brother continue.

 

“It was the ugliest women I’ve ever seen!” the handsome young one exclaimed. “No she wasn’t fat or anything. The actually got a elfin body, very tight and nice, but her face was pale and wrinkled as if it has been soaked into some ugly cleansing gel. I won’t be caught dead kissing her even if she’s the last women on this world!”

 

Now some might say that statement was a bit ridiculous, but from Orlano Angelus it was a fact that women are drawn to him like flies.

 

Kindhil waited patiently for his brother to finish so he could began asking where his other brother went all day when a brief chill from the open window blew the candle-lights out. For a moment the three unlikely brothers shared a similar expression of muted horror on their face. Their backs were to the door leaning with all their life against it, as if holding off something from behind that door. Near the open window something cooed, and Kindhil was first to realize what happened. Quietly the elder brother creep toward the window to see a carrier pigeon sitting on an edge flapping his wings and cooing, which lead to the conclusion to how the candle suddenly got blew out. Kindhil fed the poor bird some seeds and send the carrier pigeon off into the night when the bird bumped into a tree branch. Kindhil cursed. The rest of the brothers came in as Kindhil unfold the paper. The parchment got nothing except a circle right at the center approximately the size of, let’s say, a ring. “Hmm, that was rude,” exclaimed Kindhil, “He didn’t even sign the letter!”

 

“Maybe its some kind of treasure map,” Orlano Angelus speculated. “If X marks the spot, then what does O stand for?”

 

None of them pay any attention to the youngest brother Nyypey who realized that the ring in his hand suddenly grew very hot, and a white shadow slowly climbed out from the fireplace! Nyypey tugged his brother’s sleeves frightfully and was rewarded with a whack in the back of the forehead. “Nyypey! Can’t you see we are busy? Go back to sleep if you are hungry!”

 

Nyypey kept tugging at his brother as the hideous figure reached out for him. Her nails were long and scythe like as it raked Nyypey’s hand. Blood oozes from the scratch and at once Nyypey felt a cool chill running through his body. With all his strength Nyypey grabbed Kindhil’s hand and managed to spun him around staring right into the ghastly phantom’s face. Kindhil covered his mouth to screamed (cause it’s only the polite thing to do). The eldest brother tried to turn and run away and crashed right into his brother who was still studying that strange letter. All of them scrambled in the darkness and ran for the door. Orlano Angelus swung the door wide-open hitting Kindhil coming right behind him. Nyypey rang pass the clutter and looking back to see if that thing followed him when he ran right another dark figure. For a sick moment he thought that thing must have gotten in front of him so he raised his little fist and frantically beating what crashed into him. Kindhil and Orlano crashed into Nyypey again and all of them tangled up together rolling down the hill.

 

Orlano Angelus was the first to wake up, as the blessed sunlight blinding his sight and birds singing makes him feel refresh and tranquilly non-erotic, which was an alien feeling to someone who’s sexually active all the time. What he see though after he cleared his eyes is like the aftermath of a bad orgy. Kindhil’s foot was right at his face and he was sitting on top of his youngest brother Nyypey. Another person got tangled into this and it was non-other then his brother’s friend Tyrbby.

 

“Tyrbby!” exclaimed Orlano as he struggled to remove himself from this mess. “What are you doing here? And stop making that squeeky sound.”

 

“I dunno…” Tyrbby answered with lowered voice. “All I’ve heard was screaming coming from next door so I rushed out and then things crashed into me and I rolled down the hill.”

 

“And I wasn’t the one making that squeeky sound.” Tyrbby added.

 

Orlano turned to Kindhil, who was still peacefully swearing in his dreams after Orlano kicked him off. Orlano proceed to get up and check on Nyypey next. Poor Nyypey has been sat on by the four of them for the whole entire night and now his face is pale. Where that phantom scratched him now leaves a trail of dark purple scar.

 

Orlano Angelus: “What happened?”

 

Tyrbby: “Someone set us up the bomb.”

 

Orlano Angelus: “Main screen…Wait, not that! (Wacks Tyrbby across the head) I mean what happened to my brother Nyypey.”

 

Kindhil inspected Nyypey’s cold, shivering skin and his foaming mist-like eyes. “We got to get him to the healer.”

 

“But there isn’t one in miles.” Orlano retorted.

 

“Yes there is one,” replied Kindhil. His determined face hardens as though he was going to hell to save his brother Nyypey himself. “We are going to the chicken grove.”

 

“No! Not the Chicken Grove!!!” Tyrbby screamed in horror.

 

Although the way to the grove was not far, the sudden rain and Nyypey getting heavier and heavier and his terrible squealing made the trip all that difficult. It was a constant uphill battle and more then once Kindhil or Orlano Angelus would slip in the soaked dirt. Just as Kindhil was about to give his brother up and give him a merciful death the grove appears right before their eyes. Thick trees surround the place like an impenetrable wall except for a stone gateway marked in strange runes. There was no room for anything inside the ring of trees except a large tree extending its way above the forest tree-line. The four of them entered into the maze of roots inside the large tree and found natural stairs spiral all the way up. Six pair of eyes cross each other as they advance into the mysterious path knowing they came too far to turn back.

 

The rubber chicken awaits them all at the end of the stairway, bleakly staring at them.

 

(To be Continued...)

Edited April 29, 2004 by Alaeha

[Peredhil]

Peredhil stands and applauds

 

Satire worthy of Scorn.

Edited April 29, 2004 by Alaeha

[Peredhil]

Naw. Even when it was myself blasted, I was able to keep enough emotional distance to appreciate the blasting skill.

 

Satire is an artform - although often unpopular.

Edited April 29, 2004 by Alaeha

[The Portrait of Zool]

LOL! I think it's awesome! It could use some editing, but the syrup of wahoo pours from every sentence!

 

Kin... I mean Pered, you weren't blasted - but you can read it that way if you want.

 

I've seen great stuff from LotG before, and I can't wait for the next installment!

~Zool~

 

Not defined by his animal, nor the lack of one.

Edited April 29, 2004 by Alaeha

[Gyrfalcon]

*Gyrfalcon applauds as well, but has to ask...*

 

Isn't that an insult?

Edited April 29, 2004 by Alaeha

[Peredhil]

I dislike it when I'm not clear. I meant being blasted by Scorn - I think (if my ego puts me here,) I'm blasted not in this excellent piece!

 

 

 

[The Portrait of Zool]

Yah, Scorn could get pretty ate up.

 

So, where's the next installment?

 

*Zool sits in his seat, claps his hands and bangs his feet as he shouts,* "GIVE - US - MORE! GIVE - US - MORE!

~Zool~

 

Not defined by his animal, nor the lack of one.

Edited by: Zool47 at: 9/29/02 7:19:58 pm

Edited April 29, 2004 by Alaeha

[reverie]

hmm, scorn the same girl that used to be called One_mean_elf or something about bunnys... like waaaaay back in the day... She was always fun in the b2 and old, old b1 hall... we didn't see eye to eye on a few things... but she introduced me to sluggy freelance, so you gotta take the good with that bad...

 

revery

 

the dreamlost

 

"one more around again"

 

the dream continues...

Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?

Edited April 29, 2004 by Alaeha

[Guest Minta Rose]

I hurt just thinking about watching the consequences. . .

[The Portrait of Zool]

It might be safe from a distance... maybe...

~Zool~

 

King of Nothing, Lord of Nobody, but thoroughly in charge of how I feel about that.

Edited April 29, 2004 by Alaeha

[The Portrait of Zool]

Scorn and OME the same person - oh, I'm glad she's not around to hear that!

~Zool~

 

King of Nothing, Lord of Nobody, but thoroughly in charge of how I feel about that.

Edited April 29, 2004 by Alaeha

[Guest Lord of the Gay]

“Aye,” the sagely voice in the darkness spoke with a suddenness that shocked the three brothers and Tyrbby. The little creature was so scared that he backed away from the chicken, tripped over a branch and fell onto the wooden floor.

 

“The chicken foretold, and the chicken expected your coming.” the ominous voice spoke, deep and booming with sagely wisdom that amplified a hidden power within. “And since you heard the chicken speaks the chicken shall aid you.”

 

“Come near to me child Nyypey, and let me observe your ghastly wound.” Nyypey, who was already half undead, crawled toward the chicken and with the help of Kindhil raised up his hand toward the chicken. The Chicken stood so still for a long moment, his gaze staring at nothing at all. Kindhil, Orlano, and Tyrbby cross eyes with each other urging for something to be done, but neither of them dared speak.

 

At last the voice spoke: “You are facing the wrong way.” It was in this moment when all four of them realized that the voice came not from the chicken but from a dark figure behind them. Zoolfalcon stood like an Obelisk monolith in the darkness, looking ancient and wise in power but added a touch of inanity that genius mostly possess. Slowly Zoolfalcon grabbed the chicken (under fine lighting, Kindhil observe that the chicken is actually a rubber playmate toy) stroll toward the feverish Nyypey. He “let” the rubber chicken examine the grotesque scars, and then ruffle around the pocket inside his robes to produce a few dried herbs which Zoolfalcon proceeded to chew it and then spat it out on Nyypey’s hands. The primitive remedy slowly did its work as our adorable mushroom-loving friend has his color returned and broke the feaver. Nyypey soon fell asleep on a warm blanket beside the fire.

 

While at first they in awe of Zoolfalcon too much to approach him, Zoolfalcon soon lost some of his reverence in their eyes as they saw a bunch of squirrels playing tug and hide with the ranger-magician’s robes, stealing nuts from his head, and finally that chicken business which bothered them the most that soon decide that the four of them should take their leave.

 

“Thank you, oh sagely one.” Kindhil mannerly bestow his gratitude before he extend his wish to depart. “Forever you shall have my thanks but…”

 

“Oh do not thank me, young gallant one,” Zoolfalcon replied with diligence, cutting off from what Kindhil wanted to say. “It was the chicken who knew of the cure, and I merely was the helping hand in curing the poor young lad.”

 

“Pardon me if I was too disrespectful, but chicken don’t speak and there’s a rubbery accessory.”

 

At once all of Zoolfalcon’s Einstein like hair flare up, his face red with total anger as the hermit plane traveler grabbed Kindhil’s hand tightly like a talon on a prey. Suddenly the magician radiated a light of its own and his own shadow seems to grow with him.

 

“The chicken is not a rubbery accessory! It is my familiar, a mystical saturation of all the wisdom from ages past and future foreseen. The chicken foretold all, including your coming. The chicken is omnipotent, the chicken knows all!”

 

“So what else did the chicken told you?” Orlano couldn’t resist the sarcasm. Tyrbby ran for cover.

 

“Actually,” Zoolfalcon’s glow began to dwindle along with his anger, and the special effects were turned off slowly returning the room back to a normal state.

 

“The chicken foretold your needs to leave, but Nyypey is not cured yet. The malady has only been slowed but not cured and we must venture forth across the mountains. There the Lady of the Lake will use her holy powers to cure your young brother.”

 

Zoolfalcon froze in mid sentence as if hearing the silent words of the chicken, flushed slightly. “The chicken also said I forgot my medication again” and quickly stride off.

 

All four of them were left in the room with their heads shaking; they exchange glances and sighed.

 

The extra venture was unexpected for our inexperienced protagonists as clothing, provision, and will was in short supplies. While at a glance Nyypey seemed healthy from Zoolfalcon’s herbal cure as he no longer has to be carried around on his sibling’s back, our youngest character felt a darkening of his soul slowly poisoning his mind. In the depths of the night he would feel the “chill inside his bones” and the need to constraint himself in the darkness.

 

Still other impending problems loomed at the doomed fellowship, granted Zoolfalcon was woods-crafty and resourceful in many ways in providing food and shelter, he was in huge deficit in other areas. Using his uncanny chicken as a guide for direction was disastrous, and Orlano swore they had cross that place over a dozen times and almost broke into a fight with the woodland sage if his brother did not constraint him.

 

It took them a long time, but finally the huge mountain emerge from the horizon, the rolling hills slowly rolled over the landscape as the travelers climbed midway on the mountain. It was then when they realized they faced another problem.

 

“There is no way we are going to make it.” Orlano managed to utter as he stared into the steep cliffs before him.

 

“Ofcourse we can, my young boy!” Zoolfalcon’s enthusiasm turned sour as the cold wind carried yet another drift of snow into their face. “We will walk across the valley between the two peaks and then cross over to the other side.”

 

“Well excuse me!” Kindhil tried to sound indifferent, but failed. “Your ‘valley’ happens to be 1500 feet above sea level and constantly covered with glaciers, there is no path to it except scaling on the lower ridge and the pass seems like another day of travel in itself with no shelter…”

 

“Enough!” Zoolfalcon’s voice boomed, but what he was about to say was lost as large fragments of the snow was shaken down and avalanched itself a few hundred feet.

 

There was a brief silence after except for the occasional howling wind and Nyypey shivering.

 

“I know there is another way,” Tyrbby finally spoke out. Fear from the cold had gave him the courage to speak, and the cold temperature actually improved on his thinking. “I saw there is a large stone door on one of the place we passed. Let’s go into that place and maybe there are tunnels that will lead us past the mountains.”

 

“No,” Zoolfalcon’s face sudden darkens, and he controlled his voice so it would not cause another avalanche again. “We must not go through Terria!”

 

“Terria?”

 

“Anything’s better then this.”

 

“Please be silent.” Kindhil implored. “Since we are all doing this for Nyypey, we shall let him decide.”

 

All eyes falls on Nyypey now as he clang on to his traveling cloak. His sight passes from Zoolfalcon to Kindhil, Orlano and finally Tyrbby. Fighting the cold and his chattering teeth he managed to utter: “We shall pass the mountain through Terria.”

 

Aye, Terria, the legendary halls of fame was the one of the wonders in this world. Indeed thousands of gifted mages inhabited the region, building wonders and enchantment as they slaughter each other for every acre. Terria too was known for its fabulous riches, for even the sorriest poorest mage has millions of geld to possess and line their grave with. The inhabitance of Terria was magically gifted in nature, where the mightiest ancients and even forgotten spells was cast, and magical items powerful and renown was bought and sold. Sometimes wonderful writings was produced in its literally conservatory; from epical battles to the unique every day culture, and ofcourse “flaming” which was infamously distinct in the battle halls.

 

Zoolfalcon fears that has all came to past, and all those reckless battle has created an evil of it’s own.

 

It was evening when the company of adventurers arrived at the stone portal that Tyrbby mentioned. Zoolfalcon tried not to think of the sudden fear he senses as he parted the seemingly unmovable stone gates with a simple incantation. The place was strangely dark and deserted, but since Terria was so wide and it is deep in the night they did not find it strange. Tyrbby was chatting about how he was a friend of the famous powerful wizardess and her wonderful archive in the conservatory, which was in the same direction they were heading.

 

Tyrbby tried knocking the tainted golden braced door of the conservatory, finding it strange that no one answeared he gave the door a gentle push and it tumbled down and the ruins of the once great literary sanctum laid before their eyes. From the expert eyes of Zoolfalcon it seems that a great battle has taken place here, the defenders fought onto the dark force vigilantly but alas one by one the silence has taken them into the void.

 

In the middle of the sanctum amidst of all the wreckage was a coffin distinct to the mages of Terria: it was carved purely out of magic. The coffin was a time-stasis cell, which froze the passage of time so the corpse can be persevered until eternity ends. The person inside the coffin shows a genuine complexion and wisdom beyond her years. Her hand clasps an ancient book, which titled “The history of the Terria conservatory” and all it takes was another can-trip for Zoolfalcon to summon the book by his side. The pages was too fragile for human hands so the ranger-magi turned the pages with his will.

 

The rest of them gather around to see what the book says.

 

“Oct 10, 2002. ‘The dark void has penetrated the last gate and took many lives. Tamaranis, Inbi Infusco, Black was all that’s left or our once proud assembly. Stratus and Hawkeyeryn was the first to fall in the onslaught, while Gideon of 2k and Culex followed them onto their grave. I fear that all is lost.’”

 

“Oct 15, 2002. ‘The five day of bitter fighting has left a bitter taste on our breaths and the newly trainees were too in-experience to be of any help and indeed they were the first to feed. May God forgive them. While we ourselves are tireless we cannot fight the inevitability.’”

 

“Oct 20,2002. This is the end! Tarmaranis was nowhere to be seen. Inbi Infuscos fell before my very eyes. I can do nothing for her except to write my last entry and to build the final resting place for her. This is the end, glorious Terria! Now there is nothing except the hollow, the Hollow! Signed, Venefyxatu ’”

 

“Inbi Infusco! No!!!!!!!” Tyrbby screamed before Kindhil could cover his mouth, and for a few seconds they listened to the recurring echo turned into nothingness. “Run!” Zoolfalcon ordered sharply, and they all rushed out of the gate just as the void that has taken Terria turned onto the adventurers. Zoolfalcon casted a lightning spell sending a wave of electric current onto his shapeless foe. They froze for a while, but then shock off the attack and renew their attack. The plane-walking Ranger cursed under his breath, but those brief seconds was enough to buy their escape. However their way was blocked by a swarm of mages, not the once benevolent and wise mages of Terria but mindless multi-soul mages soaked with hormones and stupidity of young puberty. Kindhil drew his sword in defense and hacked their way from the mindless masses while Orlano discharge his arrows with a certain cool sexy style. However those empty multi-soul mages were too many and mid way through the battle Kindhil’s sword broke and Orlano ran out of arrows. They were surrounded and each gripping their fist tight when all of a suddenly a strong aroma floats into the dense atmosphere. All creations on Terria stood silently still too hear their oncoming doom. Inside Tyrbby’s wine skin, the water rippled causing larger and larger waves as the booming voice of a drunkard matching his booming staggering footsteps singing off tone and senseless rhythms:

 

“Fe Fi for Fom,

I can taste the smell of Rum

Dee Da dum dee deee

More alcohol for me.”

 

At once the soulless multi-mages scattered as fast as they came, and in a moment the fellowship was all alone to see the intoxicated giant matching their way in the hall of fame.

 

“Incoming Belrog!” Zoolfalcon cried in terror as he urges his fellow companions away.”

 

“WTF is Tyrbby’s pulling?” Orlano pointed alarmingly. “Mage AD! Mage AD!EVAC!!!”

 

(to be continued…)

 

Edited by: Lord of the Gay at: 10/21/02 4:54:07 am

Edited April 29, 2004 by Alaeha

[The Portrait of Zool]

ROFL!! I can see where this is going...

 

LotG, I do think it would be worth your time to edit it a little and clean it up - it's a great story and well worth the extra effort. This is the kind of stuff I like to show off to people from other sites.

 

Keep it up!

~Zool~

 

King of Nothing, Lord of Nobody, but thoroughly in charge of how I feel about that.

Edited April 29, 2004 by Alaeha