Wyvern Posted May 29, 2002 Report Posted May 29, 2002 Wyvern stretches and yawns as he lies back at his large and incredibly messy Recruiter's desk, kicking his scaly feet onto the table top and accidentaly knocking off several candy bar wrappers and smut magasines from the jumbled ocean of papers cluttered there in the process. Muttering various curses under his breath and flipping his obese Almost-Secretary Melba the bird as a daily morning greeting, the overgrown lizard decides to sit down to a warm mug of beer and quickly go through his daily mail... After a long sip of booze, Wyvern begins rapidly flipping through the pile of letters on his desk and quickly discarding any unopened envelopes labeled "URGENT! DEBTS TO BE PAID IMMEDIATLY!" into a nearby trash bin. The lizard then flicks his wrist and casts a Blaze spell on the contents of the bin, watching with glee as the legal documents burn to nothing more then a cinder. Melba stops her dusting for a moment to watch this procedure in disgust, shaking her head and sighing before going back to her cleaning... Wyvern rubs his palms together eagerly as he looks upon the two remaining letters. One of the letters is rather large and appeared to be ticking, so the overgrown lizard decides that it would be best not to open it knowing that it must be from one of his many haters and will amost certainly explode. Instead, he decides to work a bit of mischief and crosses his name off of the top of the box, replacing it with Melba's... "Ooooohhhhhh Meellllllllba...." Wyvern cooes as innocently as possible, beckoning to his Almost-Secretary with a single scaly finger. "Package for you." Sighing to herself, Melba walks up to Wyvern and looks at the ticking box he's holding, noticing her name written on the top. Grunting and snatching the box from Wyvern, she heads off to her corner as Wyvern covers his ears and snickers uncontrollably to himself, preparing for the deafening sound of an explosion. You can imagine the overgrown lizard's disbelief and disappointment when Melba opens the box to find nothing more then a very nice looking alarm clock... ;p Grumbling a string of nasty words under his breath and at the same time openly cursing at his bad luck, Wyvern turns to the final letter that lies on his desk. Raising a brow curiously and noticing that there is no return address written on the thin and dusty envelope, Wyvern opens the letter with one of his claws and is immediatly greeted by the scent of magma and volcanic ash.... But this wasn't just any scent of magma and volcanic ash... This was homely smelling magma and volcanic ash...! Wyvern's face goes blank as he begins reading over the letter.... "Hey Wyvern a.k.a no good penniless lizard, This' your ol' uncle. Don't even ask how I found the address to where you're staying, but needless to say I'm gonna be coming down soon. And hey... you had better have made some progress in your geld-making skills..." As Wyv continues reading it, his face goes pale and his eyes convert into little frightened beads of terror... "Cus' if you don't have all that money you promised you'd learn to make, I may be a wee bit upset. In fact, while I may not be a dragon... well, let's just say that everyone in the family, including you, knows I've got a dragon's temper. And really, that's all there is to say. See ya soon, chump, Uncle W" By the time Wyv has finished the relatively short letter, he is trembling from head to toe in fear. Wondering why Wyvern has gotten so quiet all of a sudden, Melba looks up from her cleaning and stops short when she see's Wyvern exiting the office, letter in hand, in an absolutely terrified state. Having never seen the overgrown lizard in quite such a state before, she actually feels sorry for him for a second before remembering all the times he's tried to trick her and getting back to her cleaning... To be continued... I may actually end up making this an RPing thread, we'll see... ------------------------------ Almost a Dragon... "My life is one big crime, I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense" Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze. Edited by: Wyvern00 at: 5/29/02 2:58:24 am
Wyvern Posted June 3, 2002 Author Report Posted June 3, 2002 As night falls across the verdant fields surrounding the Pen is Mightier then the Sword, the lights illuminating the enormous guild building are slowly put out one by one... Falcon strums a final note on his guitar before yawning and and dousing the candles near his comfortable sleeping quarters... Lady Celes Crusader just manages to stay awake long enough to finish reading Goodnight Moon to her sleepy cat Cambronne... The squirrels Lewis and Simon huddle drowsily in their cozy basket with pillows while Isachar lies fast asleep in an adjacent bed... And as some of the last lights in the building are put out, the Pen is Mightier then the Sword transcends into an utterly peacefull state... Well... almost utterly peacefull. One light in the Pen remains on, through the very latest hours of the night... The light in Wyvern's sleeping quarters. In his cluttered personal chamber, Wyvern paces back and forth restlessly, pausing once in a while to take a long sip of Bruteweiser booze and let out a deep sigh. Ever so often, the lizard's eyes focus on the letter that he had placed on top of a messy pile of various important papers that were lying in the corner of the room. Though the objective of placing the letter there was to forget about it, it's position on the top of the pile seemed to only reinforce it's presence... ...everyone in the family, including you, knows I've got a dragon's temper.... Wyvern shudders as the words in the letter from his uncle ring through his head. If his uncle was to come to the Pen and find him, he would certainly be furious... Wyvern hadn't made a decent sum of geld in a long while. In fact, come to think of it, he was still in a seemingly infinite debt to Gyrfalcon for completely destroying a certain Conservatory... At the thought of this, Wyvern takes another swig of booze and utters a drunken hiccup. This situation wasn't very pleasant at all... Conflicting emotions race through Wyvern's brain (for those that were wondering: yes, he really does have one ;p). On one hand, there was the option of leaving the Pen and thereby escaping his uncle's wrath... but then the overgrown lizard could never force himself to do that. There were far too many in the guild he liked, far too many he loved... Besides, he had a responsibility to uphold as an Elder, however miniscule that responsibility might be... On the other hand, there was the option of staying at the guild and confronting his uncle... but he could only see that ending in disastor. His fellow companions at the Pen would undoubtedly laugh when they would hear of his relative visiting, but then they had never met Wyvern's family. The overgrown lizard knew that he was the weakest and kindest of his bloodline, and that the rest of his relatives were powerfull and merciless tyrants. For once, it was not so much the thought of his own health and safety that worried the overgrown lizard, but rather the fate that would become of his friends. His uncle would undoubtedly leave the Mighty Pen in ruins... Thus, the overgrown lizard was left with only one option... He was going to have to make a lot of geld in a relatively short period of time... more geld then any of his previous schemes had ever tried to make. Taking a final sip of booze before tucking his Endless Decanter safely within his cloak, Wyvern mutters a silent prayer and gets straight to work. To be continued... ------------------------------ Almost a Dragon... "My life is one big crime, I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense" Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze. Edited by: Wyvern00 at: 6/2/02 9:01:10 pm
Wyvern Posted June 7, 2002 Author Report Posted June 7, 2002 As the numerous writers sleeping in the many chambers of the Pen slowly awaken in eager anticipation of a bright new day, they are greeted by several unpleasant surprises... Wyvern the greedy lizard had indeed been hard at work... In fact, his zealous schemings had perhaps reached an all time high the previous evening... As the members of the Pen walk down the sunlit halls connecting their rooms, they can hardly believe their eyes... The first thing many of the members immediatly take notice of are the signs depicting the name of the guild, which had been radicaly changed from "The Pen is Mightier then the Sword" to "The Bic Pen is Mightier then the Milten Bradly Sword , except when doused with Diet Pepsi ". As if this weren't bad enough, the beautifully painted pictures lining the walls, many of which had been painted by the members themselves, had been replaced with various horribly corny advertisements. Even the picture of Ancient Zool had been replaced with an advertisement for Vodka reading "Absolute Zool"... The next thing the members begin to notice is that their pets are amiss... Isachar awakens from his sleep and turns to the basket holding Lewis and Simon, only to find that they're no longer there... Nyyark suddenly notices that his crow is missing... Lady Celes Crusador's eyes widen when she notices her cats are nowhere to be found... Peredhil searches far and wide for his enormous guinea pigs Guido and Nuncio, but to no avail... When the noises of various animals are heard from directly outside the building, many concerned Pen members rush to the nearest windows and stare out only to find that a large crowd has gathered on the feilds outside of the Pen. On the dewy morning grass has also been posted a crudely written sign, which reads: Animal Races with Gambling! Place your bets here!. The Pen members are shocked to find their various pets sprinting on the messily drawn race course, with numbers tied to their backs and excited spectators shouting profanities and encouragements at them... The pets on the course, which had been racing for several hours on end now, look extremly exhausted... The advertisements on the walls and abuse of the pets causes many Pen members to feel sick to the stomach, and several immediatly rush to the bathrooms. They are shocked to find that there is now a 50 geld fee for using the toilets, and are even more shocked to find that to go down a single flight of stairs costs 10 geld! "Dear God, this must be a nightmare!" cries one of the Pen members, collapsing by a nearby Burger King advertisement on the wall and sobbing... "A nightmare..." growls another member in response, clenching his teeth and fists in fury. "... or the work of a certain lizard!" At that very moment, as if on cue, Wyvern exits a nearby door and strides down the hall wearing what appears to be a tattered beggar's robe (he had sold all his decent cloths by this point) and calling out comments and demands to various people he passes... "You!" hisses Wyvern sternly while passing Falcon2001 and tossing him a pair of highly unfashionable cowboy jeans and a sparkly boy band shirt. "Put these on and get ready to play your guitar for a large audience. You're on from 10 A.M to 11 P.M, and you're playing country music!" Upon hearing this, Falcon's eyes glow ruby red with rage and he clutches his guitar tightly in anger. Playing country music for 13 hours in front of a huge audience in this crazy outfit?! The overgrown lizard had to be out of his mind! Not even pausing to hear Falcon's thoughts on the matter, Wyvern continues down the hall and passes Tzimfemme, exclaiming: "Elder Tzimfemme, you are accordingly titled the 'Elder of Alchemy', are you not?" "... I-" starts Tzim. "Well then get to making some geld! I expect an average of 1,000,000 geld a day, for the next 7 and a half months!" As Wyvern continues pacing down the length of the corridor, a disgusted-looking Tzimfemme turns to an enraged-looking Falcon and murmers "He... He can't be serious, can he?" Passing Lord Seth Exodus, the overgrown lizard shouts: "Seth Exodus, you're going to be doing portraits of the rich people outside and deliberatly overcharging them, get to work!" Lord Seth Exodus' mouth drops open and he raises a finger, preparing to say something, only to realize he cannot sum up the efficient words to express his discontent... Continuing on his path and walking by Orlan, Wyvern stops and growls: "Orlan, what are you still doing up here?! Didn't you read the note on your door?!!!" Frowning and raising an eyebrow, Orlan turns to his door and notices that sure enough, an extremly long sheet of toilet paper (the lizard didn't want to buy any pricy paper) is hanging there. Ripping the lengthy parchment from the door, Orlan looks it over and reads out loud: Wyvern's Daily Schedule for the Sexy, Sexy Man Orlan: 6:00 A.M - 7:00 A.M: 'Early Breakfast with Orlan'. Make guest appearences at the Pen bar and charge people to sit next to you. Charge for autographs. 7:00 A.M - 10:00 A.M: The morning Pen tours with special guest host Orlan. Charge hefty sums and be sure to point out the adds hanging on the walls. 10:00 A.M - 10:30 A.M: Introduce Falcon's music set and dance for the spectators. 10:30 A.M - 12:00 P.M: Nike commercial. Wheetos commercial. 12:00 P.M - 1:30 P.M: 'Sexy, sexy man kissing booth' opens. Beauties and hags alike can pay mucho geld to give the sexy, sexy man of Terra a smooch. 1:30 P.M - 3:00 P.M: Crest commercial. Mentos commercial. 3:00 P.M - 5:00 P.M: Shake the hands of every guest and sponsor at the show, and offer them some slightly expensive drinks. 5:00 P.M - 8:00 P.M: Establish the Orlan fan club and charge a hefty entry fee. Make speeches. 8:00 P.M -9:30 P.M: Sprite commercial. Hersheys commercial. 9:30 P.M - 11:00 P.M: Late night Pen tours. See Early Morning Pen tours above for more info. 11:00 P.M - 1:00 A.M: Chocolate mud wrestling with Orlan. Charge enormous fee for entree. Orlan's face goes blank as he skims over the parchment and he squints his eyes in disbelief to make sure he's reading it right. "How... thoughtfull..." grumbles the sexy, sexy Elder under his breath. "You men of Terra are all alike!" rants Wyvern as he continues down the hall "Get to work, you're already running behind schedule!" A perplexed-looking Orlan turns to a disgusted-looking Tzimfemme and an enraged-looking Falcon and mutters "The lizard's definatly asking for it.". Lord Seth Exodus, who still hasn't managed to sum up the appropriate words to say, nods in agreement... Reaching the end of the hall, Wyvern stops and turns to the numerous members he hadn''t mentioned. "What are you all waiting around for, looking confused?! There's geld to make! Let's get to work! Peredhil, you're the polite waiter! Stick, go do the dishes! Justin Silv-" But before the overgrown lizard can finish, the Pen members have wisely advanced upon him and sieged him by his scaly arms, quickly tying him up and gagging his blabbering mouth... ;p ------------------------------ Almost a Dragon... "My life is one big crime, I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense" Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze. Edited by: Wyvern00 at: 6/7/02 2:31:42 am
Wyvern Posted June 28, 2002 Author Report Posted June 28, 2002 Locked in the highest chamber of the Tower of Elders and tied to a large wooden chair with over 7 rolls of masking tape, Wyvern fidgets helplessly in the bruised and bloody afterglow of his latest scheme. After he had revealed the depths of what had been perhaps his most elaborate plan to date, an escapade which would have basically turned the entire Mighty Pen guild into a gigantic geld-making factory, the other members had revolted and bound him up in this way... Wyvern supposed that it was only natural that they had reacted in such a fashion, especially since he hadn't asked anyone's permission in advance before abusing the pets and imposing the cumbersome schedules he had planned... But then, the others weren't quite aware of just how badly the overgrown lizard was currently in need of cash... Directly outside of the room in which Wyvern sits, Loremaster Ozymandias goes about franticaly answering phone calls from solicitors, screaming into 5 portables at once and gritting his teeth a bit more with each angry response. The stressed Loremaster had no idea how the overgrown lizard had managed to contact so many greedy promoters in the span of one evening, but he knew that he certainly would never let something of this scale happen again... Slamming down the last of the receivers and wiping some sweat off his brow, an exhausted Ozymandias collapses into a nearby seat and rubs his throbbing temple gently with his right hand. Looking towards Wyvern in the other room, he shakes his head and sighs deeply… the overgrown lizard was covered with so much masking tape in that chair that he looked like a reject from the God and Pharoahe Nanotoknonnen fan club. After a few moments of rest, the Loremaster raises himself from his chair and decides that it’s time to lecture to the greediest of Elders about the kinds of schemes that are tolerable by the Pen and those which will require a bit of permission first… As Ozymandias enters the room in which Wyvern sits and begins lecturing to the overgrown lizard with the help of a series of small note cards, the greedy Elder pays no attention to the concerned Loremaster's words. Wyvern's mind was far to preoccupied with what he was going to do about getting the geld for his uncle when he came and visited, and the dreading of what would happen if he didn't come up with the appropriate cash by that time... ...a dragon's temper... "...and having said that, you're free to go." finishes Ozymandias smiling "I hope you've learned a valuable lesson from this lecture." Wyvern's train of thought is suddenly interrupted as Ozymandias unties his bonds and helps the overgrown lizard back on his feet. "Now go back to your post... we always need an Elder of Initiates on duty, after all. Just remember the words I've said, because if something like this ever happens again... Well... Let's just say that I might have to call in Ancient Lumpenproletariat, who I'm sure would love to slowly torture you to insanity for that 'Sleazy' comment you previously made." Wyvern stutters and lets out a *gulp* ------------------------------ Almost a Dragon... "My life is one big crime, I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense" Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze. Edited by: Wyvern00 at: 6/28/02 12:50:59 am
Recommended Posts