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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

Someone tell the damn Loremaster....


Orlan

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[i hit a wall with the other things I was writing...time to fill the void with temporary smack....mmm smack, anyway, this is why Elders are so slow to make decisions]

 

Jechum, Dean of Students at a small, midwestern university, grumbled at the files he had piled up on his desk. Paperwork was all he seemingly did anymore. Paperwork on contracts. Paperwork on students. Paperwork on the paperwork that he forgot to send in so that he could order more paper for his paperwork. The cycle was never-ending.

 

And atop the pile was the newest, and probably most interesting, of the paperwork his stepping down to Ancient and the appointment of Ozymandias into his old position. Jechum internally groaned about this, though. With a decision of this size, he'd have to go tell all the Elders in person. He didn't want to. He didn't have the time either. He needed to think of something he could do so he wouldn't have to set one foot on the quest to get the Elders' attentions. Just then his intercom buzzed. Jechum leaned forward and pressed the "Answer" button.

 

"Sir, Tralla and Canid are here to see you," came Melba's voice over the intercom. A light went on in Jechum's head.

 

"Excellent! Send them in," Jechum said happily. He just remembered that Tralla and Canid both had an appointment with him about the fact that they where both failing a class. Jechum had a great plan for this. The door creaked open and Tralla came in followed by Canid. Both girls immediately went to the chairs before Jechum's desk and sat down, managing to mimic each other's look of abashment. Jechum leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, wearing his best "Holier then thou" look.

 

"Well ladies, it seems you're both failing 'Annoyance 101', and that means letters home to the parents," Jechum began. Tralla spoke up.

 

"But it's not our fault!" she cried. "Joat is an idiot!"

 

"Yes he is," Jechum agreed. "But he's the only teacher who would work for copies of Seph's pornos, so you'll have to lump it."

 

"C'mon, Jechum," Canid pleaded. "You know we know what we're doing, but he's just a bad teacher."

 

"I'm sorry," Jechum said, laying out his trap. "My hands are tied."

 

"Please! We'll do extra credit work to get rid of it!" Tralla said. Hook, Line and Sinker, thought Jechum.

 

"Really?" Jechum said.

 

"Yes really!" Canid agreed. Jechum put his elbows on his desk and rested his chin on his folded hands. He looked at the two pleading looks he was recieving.

 

"Hmmm...alright then. I need you to go inform the Elders of the Pen about a new occurance, and also to get thier vote on something. If you do that for me, then I'll can Joat's class, agreed?"

 

Canid and Tralla looked at each other and thought about it for a moment. "What about the costs of all this, the Elders aren't exactly close by..."

 

Jechum held up a hand with a smile. "Never fear, The Pen has supplied all costs for all the trips. It'll cost you nothing but your time." Tralla and Canid spoke quietly with one another for a moment and then turned back to Jechum.

 

"We'll do it!" they said. Jechum's smile turned into a scheming grin.

 

"Wonderful..."

 

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"I WANNA GO HOME!!!!!" Tralla wailed. She had her eyes shut tight and had her arms around the briefcase, which Jechum said held top-secret information, that was handcuffed to her wrist. Canid sat next to her on the freight plane that they where flying in to Tzimfemme's Island in the Atlantic. Canid would have been wailing with Tralla if she was not staring ashen faced at the crud-eating cow who was staring back at her.

 

Jechum's 'Pre-paid Travel' was a feight plane loaded with random farm animals, prescription drugs, shiny things and chocolates loaded in a voice-print-locked case. They'd been in the plane for 8 hours so far and had not even been offered a bag of peanuts. It was begining to seem crazy.

 

Tralla's continuous wail was cut short as the plane bumped twice, and then jumped as it landed on tarmac. Tralla sniffled once and stared ahead as everything came to a slow stop. The cow mooed at Canid as the back of the plane opened up. Canid and Tralla bolted out of the back of the plane and inhaled deeply the air of freedom. As they where gasping thier breath, they hear a voice from the side of the plane.

 

"Tralla! You've grown! But you've let your skin go, dearie. You look so leatherly, hon, you MUST use aloe from now on."

 

Tralla and Canid looked to each other and then leaned over and peeked around the corner. The side of the plane was open and the cow that had plagued Canid's trip was hanging half out of the door. Staring right at it was a green-haired lady in a green lab jacket. She had six piercings along the edge of her ear and a shiny green gem in the side of her nose. He long green hair was wrapped around on top of her head and held in place with shiny silver chopsticks. Tralla recognized her immediately.

 

"Uh, Rydia. I'm over here," Tralla said. Rydia stopped and turned to Tralla and Canid. She squinted tightly, trying to see something. She then apprently gave in and brought down the shiny-rimmed glasses that where on her head. Her eyes widened as the world apparently came into focus. She looked over Tralla and Canid and then turned back to the cow.

 

"EEEK!" she shouted as realization came over her. She shook her hand at the cow. "Don't you impersonate Pen members again, alright?! Sheesh." Rydia turned and walked over to Tralla and Canid. "There, now that we got that mix up taken care of, Jechum mentioned you'd be stopping by. Let's go see, Tzimfemme, eh?" With that she walked off towards a shiny green jeep that was parked at the side of the tarmac.

 

The drive to Tzimfemme's compound was a scenic one. Tzimfemme was a six time Nobel Prize wining Geneticist. She had bought a large island off the cost of somewhere a while ago with her vast fortunes and set up one of the largest genetic research facilities in the world. The trip there with Rydia was scenic when not bumpy. The two girls saw an amalgam of amalgams of creatures. they stared in wide-eyed facination as the giant fuzzy squid waved a tentacle at them when they drove by. Rydia blew a kiss to the squid and waved back.

 

They reached the large white colony of buldings that served as the reasearch labratory and pulled into and underground parking garage. Rydia lead the girls to a large elevator and filed them in. Rydia took out a card that hung on a shiny chain around her neck and slide the card into the slot on the elevator and pressed a few buttons. The elevator moved up, down, to the side, and at one point, Tralla swore it spun around in circles. They disembarked into what looked like ground control for a nuclear launch facility. People in white lab coats where running around and fiddling with knobs and buttons while a few with clipboards where staring through a set of large windows at one end of the room.

 

"What's going on?" Canid asked. Rydia took out a shiny case that housed her favorite green lipstick and applied a layer to her lips.

 

"Tzim's experimenting with the Whatzamahoszit today. C'mon, let's whatch." Rydia began walking to the windows. Tralla looked at Canid before they started to follow.

 

"What's a Whatzama....whatever it's called?"

 

The answer to that question was in the form of a large rhino. This rhino was asleep with it's back to the windows. About fifteen feet away from it was Dr. Tzimfemme. She wore a tight lab jacket that looked more like a cocktail dress buttoned up then a lab coat. Her hair was clipped above the nape of her neck and she was staring intently at the clipboard she held in one hand. In the other hand she had a small buzzer. Dr. Tzimfemme looked up at the window and nodded her head, and then turned to the rhino. She pressed the button on the buzzer.

 

It was then that the animal perked up it's head and looked at Tzimfemme. Tralla and Canid gasped out loud. The thing had the body of a rhino but it's head was a long pink neck with a mouth and one large eye at the end. The two girls gasps got louder when then thing, showing amazing agility, sprung to it's feet and charge at Tzimfemme. Tralla was abhored that nobody reacted to it, but her fears where shown to be unfounded as Tzimfemme swung her long leg around and struck the heel of her pump into the thing's head. The creature dropped like a tank. Tzimfemme let out a sigh and walked over to an intercom on the side.

 

zzZZzttZz...The thing's still responding as any other animal. ZzzzttzZZz...We need to add more Betaribosucleiczim to the next batch. SKIzzzKt Tzimfemme's voice came over the intercom. Rydia leaned over and pressed the button on an intercom on her side.

 

"Tzimmy, Tralla and Canid are here to see if you you wanna finish playing." she said into the speaker.

 

ZZzkzzktkkstzzz Ooooooohhhh!

 

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"So Jechum's finally done with it, eh?" Tzimfemme asked mainly herself. She was fiddling with the lock on the briefcase that was attached to Tralla's wrist. They had retired to Tzimfemme's comfortable office, which was plastered with alternating printouts of 86-helix multicarbon conglulants, and pictures of Orlan. Tzimfemme's six Nobel Prizes where lined up behind her desk and, oddly enough, an emmy for "Best Supporting Actress" was next to the nobels.

 

"Took him a while though," Rydia said as she blew a green bubble with her gum.

 

"Yes, well..." a click sounded. "Aha! Gotcha ya little bugger!" Tzimfemme took the briefcase from Tralla and walked behind her desk and sat in her fuzzy warm chair. Tralla and Canid watched as Tzimfemme set the briefcase down on the desk and opened it to her. The doctor's eyes went wide as her body was light up with the golden glow that emanated from the briefcase. "Ooo....hmm...." Tzimfemme reached in and pushed something and then quickly shut the case and re-locked it. She then slapped the cuffs back on Tralla. "The thing says Gwaihir is next."

 

"Gwaihir?" Canid whined. "He's in the middle of nowhere, isn't he? How are we supposed to find him?" Tzimfemme pursed her lips.

 

"Rydia, go get Snifzles." Rydia nodded her agreement and walked off out the door. A moment later she returned and presented to Tralla and Canid a small furball. The thing looked like a mass of hair that congrerated after someone showered. Rydia put the thing down on the desk and Tralla watched in amazement as the thing began skittering and sniffing everything around. "Snifzles is a wonderful little thing I created that can find anything you ask it for. Watch. Snifzles! Find Auntie Tzim!" The Snifzles sniffed a few times and then immediately scurried over to Tzimfemme and jumped on her chest and started purring...loudly. "See?"

 

"Your plane should be ready by now too...." Rydia said. "No cows this time." Rydia grinned.

 

"Ooh, you have to see Orlan, right? Good here, give him this when you get to see him for me will you?" Tzimfemme handed them the Snifzles and a small metal cube. "He'll know what to do with it."

 

"Alrighty then, we should get goin'n the doctor has more creatures to invent," Rydia said as she lead the two out the door as Tzimfemme began to giggle softly to herself. It was slightly frightening.

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Snifzles sniffed around the ground, spinning itself in circles. Canid stood by, swatting at gnats every time they bit at her skin. Tralla squat down and was watching Snifzles spin faster and faster, making herself dizzy in the process. Canid swatted at another gnat that bit her. Snifzles suddenly stood up and took off further into the forest.

 

"Quick, after it!" Tralla cried as she sprang up and started running through the forest, clutching the briefcase close to her as she tried to keep the furball in her sights. She heard Canid's slaps and whines of bugs behind her in the forest. Canid hated the forest.

 

After the plane had dropped them off at the airport in northern canada, they hitched a ride with a medic helicopter to the middle of one of the forests up here where they where prompty dropped off and abandoned. Now they where following a fist size furball through the depths of the forest trying to find any clue of where the hell Gwaihir set up his camp.

 

Tralla saw Snifzles whiz through a clump of bushes and she jumped through the bushes after it. This was a wonderful mistake as Tralla plummeted down the side of a short cliff into a pool of clear water below. A moment later she heard Canid's splash and felt the water move as she hit the pool. Tralla was able to strugle herself to the surface, lugging the briefcase with her. Canid was already treading water when she broke the surface.

 

"Where's Snifzles?" Tralla suddenly asked looking around.

 

"On your head," Canid said. Tralla become aware of the furball on her head. She noted that the thing was indeed fluffy.

 

Tralla turned her gaze around and looked at her surroundings. The pool was a perfectly crystal clear blue allowing them to see all the way to the bottom. The surrounding foliage was astounding. Green floura surrounded every piece of the cliff. Multicolored flowers where intermixed here and there. At one side of the pool was a white sandy beach. Tralla began wading over to there when Snifzles started boucing up and down on her head anxiously.

 

"What's your problem, furball?" Tralla asked annoyed at the bouncing. Snifzles suddenly bit her hair somehow and then started skittering across the pool. Tralla had enough time to grab Canid's hand and the two of them where zipped to the sandy beach at one end of the pool. When Snifzles let go of Tralla the group was on the beach in the soft sand. Tralla immediately tried to smash Snifzles with the briefcase, which the little thing was able to easily avoid. Tralla was getting ready to smack the little bugger again.

 

"Tralla!" Canid screamed out. Tralla froze her hands and turned her head to Canid. Canid was staring in wide-eyed horror as, from out of the pool, an iguana the size of an elephant rose out. The iguana leaned in on the three and turned it's massive head sizeways to look at them with one eye. Nobody moved as the thing looked over them and blinked a few times.

 

"'Ello, Bob! What'd'ya find out there?"

 

The massive iguana turned it's head back to the source of the sound. Staning atop the cliff stood the Elder of Lists and Poetry, Gwaihir. Gwaihir grabbed hold of a tree branch and leaned himself well over the edge of the cliff, trying to get a better look. He shrugged and then let go of the branch, falling in a perfect no-splash dive. A moment later Gwaihir strode out of the pool onto the beach. A duo of squirrels sat on a rock near the pool and held up a sign each. One held up a "10" the other held up a "01" until the other squirrel jabbed him to turn it right side up. Gwaihir shook his head and rolled his eyes.

 

"Idiots," he said to himself. He turned to the giant iguana. "Well what did ya find, Bob?" Gwaihir gave the iguana an affectionate pat on the head and turned to Tralla and Canid. "Tralla? And Canid?" Gwaihir sounded surprised. "What are you two doing here?"

 

This question launched Tralla and Canid into a bawling retelling of thier trip so far. Gwaihir was quick enough to bring them with him to his place, a completely handmade loghouse. Gwaihir sat them down and gave them blankets and bowls of steaming hot stew he had been making when Bob, the iguana the size of a Ford Explorer, had called out. The girls then began telling Gwaihir about the news that Jechum had sent out.

 

Gwaihir then took the briefcase from Tralla and walked over to his bear-skin couch and set it on his coffee table and popped it open and he was bathed in a golden glow and his eyes widened. Gwaihir reached in and pushed something and then shut and re-locked the briefcase.

 

"You two have another plane to catch?" Gwaihir asked. Tralla nodded. "Well it's hard to get through here without a guide, but I have a foal who's going to give birth later that I need to attend to. Bob can give you a ride."

 

"You mean the giant iguana? We ride the giant iguana?" Canid asked, astounded.

 

"You betcha, he's a good guy, no need to worry. Once you fall off twice he'll keep you on for the rest of the way." Gwaihir smiled. Canid and Tralla turned to each other, and then promptly groaned and put thier faces in thier hands. It was going to be a long trip.

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"Well that was a pleasant change," Tralla said as she walked off the plane. Canid nodded her agreement. It was a large change going from the forests of northern Canada to a first class plane ride over the Pacific Ocean to sunny Hawaii, then a private jet to Tokyo Narita International Airport. Tralla and Canid walked from the plane, following the stunningly gorgeous stewardess that had flown with them. She told them that thier luggage would be taken care of and that they didn't have to worry.

 

The two followed the stewardess through the underside of the large airport to a pick-up exit. There, the two girls where escorted to a black stretch limo that was parked at the curb. With wide-eyed wonder and girlish giddyness the two filed into the limo, making themselves comfortable. The driver, an elderly japanese man with a big smile on his face said something to the girls in japanese and with a nod he rolled up the divider between him and the back and the limo started moving.

 

"This is awesome!" Canid said as she looked about the limo. There was a tv, radio, phone, and even a small fridge. Tralla popped open the fridge and took out a bottle of the famous "Legendary Happy Fun Time Lala Spring" water and hugged it.

 

"I LOVE this stuff. You can't get it in the states ever since it costs far too much. Orlan sure knows how the hell to live!"

 

Almost as if on cue, the doors to the limo locked themselves and the lights all went out. Tralla and Canid became panicked as suddenly the sir was filled with a fizzing sound, like air being pumped in.

 

"Tralla?" Canid voiced in the dark.

 

"Yeah, I'm here," Tralla answered groping around.

 

"Ow! That's my foot!" Canid said. Tralla began coughing.

 

"Canid, are you breathing alright?" Tralla said between coughs. Canid answered her by entering into a fit of coughing. It was then that Tralla realized that the entire limo had been filled with some sort of gas. Tralla heard a *thud* as Canid hit the limo floor beside her. Tralla fought as much she could but after so long, she too lost it and fell to the ground, out cold.

 

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Low voices brought Tralla back awake. She realized as she came too that her hands where bound to the back of the chair that she was presently sitting in. A black hood was over her face right now and was blocking out most of what was probably coherent speech. Tralla suddenly grabbed at her wrist, making sure that the briefcase was still attached to her, and after feeling the handcuff, realized the weight on her lap was probably the briefcase.

 

"Hello?" Tralla called out, the sound muffled by the hood. The conversation that was taking place was silenced and Tralla heard footsteps. She felt a face pull up to hers and say something in japanese. Tralla knew four words in japanese and this person just used none of them.

 

"I...I don't speak japanese...why did you do this?" Tralla asked. The person in front of her sighed and said something, probably as an aside to his companion, and began speaking again. This time he spoke in english with a heavy accent.

 

"Why you here?" he asked.

 

"We're here to see Orlan," Tralla said. Silence followed and she heard Canid give a fightened squeak from beside her. At least Canid was awake now.

 

"Why Orlan want talk to you, eh?" the man asked.

 

"Jechum sent us to update him on what's been happening," Tralla said. There was a pause and then some rapid spoken japanese dialouge.

 

"Names?" the man asked.

 

"Tralla," Tralla said.

 

"Canid."

 

Tralla felt someone grab the top of her head and yank off the hood. Her eyes where assualted by the vibrance of reds and blacks in the office they found themselves in. The design was vast and extremely oriental in feel.

 

"Nice office, eh?" asked a voice in an accentless english. Tralla honed in on the voice and saw Orlan sitting behind a large black desk. The entire decor of the desk was black, from the pencils and pens to the computer. Orlan himself was wearing a stunningly good looking black suit with black tie and shirt. He was leaning back in his chair and smiling at the two girls. His smile was half covered by the hand it was leaning on, but they soon saw it all as he snapped his fingers at the other man in the room. The japanese man slipped behind the girls and cut the ropes that bound thier hands. Tralla began rubbing her wrists.

 

"Sorry about the rough treatment. Some old Yakuza habits are hard to break," Orlan said with a smile. "When I took over the Yakuza is was like trying to merge two cultures into one. I've had corporate takeovers that where less hassle then this was. But I think I've found a happy medium." Orlan stood up and walked over to the side of the room and poured him a glass of something from a glass decanter. He held out the glass to Tralla and Canid.

 

"No thank you, I don't drink," Tralla said politely. Orlan looked curiously at the glass.

 

"Neither do I," he said. "This is Coke." Orlan grinned. Tralla and Canid both declined again. Orlan shrugged and took a drink. He then turned to someone behind them and spoke in japanese. Tralla turned around in time to see a japanese woman in black slacks and a sports coat bow her head and walk out the door. She returned a moment later with another japanese woman with long black hair in a black buisness suit/skirt. The new one walked over to a chair that was beside the two girls and sat down, opening up the laptop she carried with her.

 

"What..?" Canid began. Orlan smiled again.

 

"Better then a court stenographer, Mitsune has very talented fingers." Orlan gave a wink. "Now then," he said as he began walking over to his big leather chair again. "What's up with Jechum?"

 

Tralla and Canid began telling Orlan all that they needed to be, pausing to unhook the briefcase from Tralla's wrist and set it on the desk before Orlan. Tralla then went on telling Orlan what happened with the plane to Tzimfemme's island, and then the trip to Canada and Gwaihir's giant iguana. Orlan kept a curious face through the whole speech. When they where done, Orlan opened the case before him and his body was bathed in the same golden glow as the other two elders before him. He stared into the case and let out a "hmmm". He reached in, hit something, and then shut the case handing it back to Tralla.

 

"Was that it?" Orlan asked. Canid remembered something. She dug into her pocket and took out the cube that Tzimfemme had given them for Orlan. Canid put the cube on the desk. Orlan gave it a strange look. "Curious..." Orlan said as he reached over the desk. The moment he touched the cube, it shot into the air above the desk.

 

A ripping sound accompanied a large white square that appeared in the room, right above Orlan's desk. The woman who was typing on the laptop immediately knocked over her chair and rolled over, coming up with gun in her hand, raised at the square. The woman who was at the door took a defensive kempo stance, shiriuken between her fingers. The other man had his gun raised and pointed at the square. Orlan had his kodachi out against his raised forearm.

 

A flash of white leapt from the square and crashed into Orlan, sending him back rolling. The three yakuza where immediate in thier switch of targets as they held thier guns pointed at their leader. Tralla watched as Orlan rolled for a moment, eventually coming to a rest on his back. Sitting on his stomach was Tzimfemme, her hair mussed and her labcoat half off, revealing a lack of anything beneath it.

 

"Tzimfemme?! What the hell?!" Orlan yelled out. Tzimfemme was rubbing her cheek against Orlan and mewing and purring like a happy kitten. Orlan waved his yakuza down and, a little reluctantly, they put away thier weapons. Orlan took Tzimfemme by the shoulders and held her face to face with him for a second. "I say again, what the hell?"

 

"Simple Universal Transmogrificational Lucitational Relocalationmation," Tzimfemme said with a smile. "Okay, Rydia! You can close it!" Tzimfemme cried out to the white square. Rydia's head popped out of the square as she looked around.

 

"Gotcha, Boss! Have fun!" Rydia's head disappeared and the white square vanished. Orlan looked once at Tzimfemme, and then, in an amazing feet of agility, spun up to his feet with Tzimfemme over his shoulder, an arm holding her feet from flopping around.

 

"Okay, Misato, take care of things in my absence, I'll be busy for a week or so." Orlan turned to Tralla and Canid. "Wyvern floats around alot, you should ask Peredhil where he might be, Misato and Mitsune can help you out. Take care of things for me ladies!" Orlan turned and walked out the back door of the office, Tzimfemme was waving to them as with a delerious smile on her face and her eyes shut. Tralla and Canid let out exhasperated sighs when the door behind Orlan shut. Finding Wyvern was not going to be fun.

 

At least...not fun like what Orlan was probably about to get.

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  • 1 month later...

[You didn't think I forgot....did you? :P]

 

Tralla and Canid made note to ask for more things next time when Tzimfemme visits Orlan. According to Mitsune, Orlan gave affirmative "YES"s to all of thier requests. She said even Tzimfemme agreed with the requests.

 

This was a turn for the better for Tralla and Canid. Orlan covered the bill for thier plane trip back, a car rental in New Jersey, and a four star hotel. It was a life the two girls could get used to.

 

As the two of them blasted down the famous New Jersey Roadwherethecarsgoon, they took time to drink in the sights. That took about 6.42 seconds. Aside from that they listened to the CDs they had and tried not to make contact with any natives. After about twenty minutes of driving, they came upon the first of tens of thousands of toll booths. A big black phallic truck was right in front of them at the toll booth and the driver was shouting obscenities out left and right and shaking his hand at the man in the toll booth.

 

Canid noticed that the booth attendant that was getting the earful was none other then the most sickening polite ancient of the pen, Peredhil. Peredhil had a smile across his face and was noding his head politely again and again as he was verbally abused with obsceneties about his mother and some goats and other various farming equipment. The man in the black truck finally drove off and Peredhil gave a nice wave after him as Tralla pulled up the car.

 

"Tralla! Canid!" Peredhil said, delighted. "You two are a wonderful surprise! How are you? How are your mothers? Would you like some caramels? I snack on them now and then during the day, but I always share."

 

Tralla gave the bowl of caramel a skeptical look and shook her head.

 

"Thanks Peredhil, but we're actually trying to find where Wyvern is, do you know where he might be?" Tralla said. Canid reached over and grabbed a handful of caramel and started munching. Peredhil put a finger politely to his lips and pondered.

 

"Hmm...if I remember correctly, with your say-so of course, just to be polite..." Peredhil paused until Tralla nodded. "I think he was running on the rails from New York after a fiasco in the subways. Something about three-card monte gone haywire. I believe that Zool might have helped him out, since he's usually in the boxcars at this time of year."

 

Tralla sighed. "So then Zool might know where he went?" Canid asked, her mouth full. Peredhil nodded.

 

"If I know my Zool, and I do, I'd say he's at the 6th station on the outskirts of NibbleOnWenchVille up by New York. He should be around the Hobo town." Peredhil said, politely.

 

Tralla mused a second. "I think I know where that is, it's a couple hour drive..."

 

"You can come stay the night and I can have my wife drive you girls if you don't want to worry about it. That's the polite thing to, anyway," Peredhil said politely. Tralla gave the I-hope-he-gives-up-on-this smile to Peredhil and again shook her head as the people behind them started honking their horns and giving gestures that involved one finger.

 

"That's alright, Peredhil, we'll just be off now," Tralla said as she put the car into gear and started driving off.

 

"Well, be careful!" Tralla said as she took off. Peredhil leaned out the window behind her and waved to them as they drove out, shouting whatever could be considered the opposite of obscenities.

 

*        *        *

 

"BEWARE! THE CHICKEN FORTELLS DOOM!"

 

Several homeless people and hobos and rail-riders sat near an old abandoned boxcar listening to a sermon from a rubber chicken. They didn’t seem to be listening to intently, though.

 

“Is that Zool?” Canid asked Tralla. Tralla squinted at the dirty man with a long black beard and wild eyes who was brandishing the rubber chicken like it was the lost scrolls of Nanotoknonnen.

 

“Unfortunately,” Tralla replied. Zool was waving his hands in the air, making his tangled, bushy hair fly around chaotically. Zool was visibly agitated, and seemed quite off his rocker. He was preaching about things that made no sense, and shoving the chicken into people’s faces. It was then that his insane eyes caught sight of Tralla and Canid. He immediately rushed over to them both, holding the chicken out in front of him.

 

“The chicken says beware! The chicken thinks your quest is perilous and bad! The chicken fortells!!!” Zool cried out to the girls. Canid stepped behind Tralla and peeked out over her shoulder. Tralla held her hands up in a non-threatening manner.

 

“Zool…Zool it’s me, Tralla.” Zool seemed not to hear her and began shaking the chicken at them, spouting off sentences in various languages including gibberish. “Zool! Zool! We’re looking for Wyvern! ZOOL!” Tralla shouted at him. Zool was oblivious.

 

“Doom! DOOM! The chicken sees the future in the past! Chicken is never wrong! BEWARE!!” Zool yelled. Tralla laughed a bit nervously and her face took on a pained expression. Then Zool stiffened and fell into Tralla. Tralla was caught off guard and fell backwards onto Canid and then the ground.

 

“Ouch! … Zool?!” Tralla shook Zool lightly. Zool stirred and looked up at Tralla, the insanity gone from his eyes.

 

“Wyvern, train to Vegas, Riviera,” Zool managed to say, and then passed out. Tralla looked up to see four men in white coats approaching. One had a tranquilizer rifle with him.

 

“I told you you needed enough tranquilizer for a large elephant,” said one of the men to his companions. Two of them reached down and took Zool and strated draggin him off. Tralla could only think of “They’re coming to take me away, HAHA!” At least she knew where Wyvern was.

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