Weresilliness...

[The Portrait of Zool]

One night, as I and the rubber chicken were strolling along merrily in the moonlight, a most hideous creature suddenly jumped out of the brush. He was 7 feet tall, covered with feathers, and had a razor sharp scimitar beak. And a c0ck's comb. He also walked kind of funny, but it didn't take any of the threat out of the bloodthirsty look in his beady little eyes or his screeching "C0ck-a-doodle-doooooooooooooooo!" at the moon.

 

I froze in my tracks, paralyzed with fear, certain I was about to be shredded when suddenly the rubber chicken leaped to my rescue! Don't ask me how, but he single wingedly managed to scare the beast away. Unfortunately he got a nasty gash from the creatures wicked beak.

 

I took him home, and with a tire patch kit I was able to fix him up pretty good, but mysteriously he didn't get better right away. That day he had a terrible fever, and flopped around like a wet noodle, nearly melting. Spot, my cat, was unfortunately frisky and usually frollicked with the rubber chicken endlessly. It took me two hours to remove rubber from fur without removing fur from cat.

 

That night he was much better, indicating that he felt good as new in fact! So, we decided to go for a walk. It was another creepy night. The clouds mottled the starry sky as the moon rose over Mt. Ain. Suddenly something terrible came over the rubber chicken, and he inflated to horrible proportions! What was he? A deathraft? An S&M rubber maid? A testament to the foibles of family planning from 'Son of Godzilla'?

 

As the moon went behind a cloud and he shrank back to normal size it suddenly all came clear. My poor dear friend had been bitten by a Werechicken. Only one question remained; Which came first, the Werechicken or the Wereomellette? My mind grasped feebly for any rational answer. Was it the Werechicken that layed the egg that became the Wereomellette that gave sustenance to the primordial Werechicken farmer who raised the...? There was no easy answer. I ran for my life.

 

The next day the rubber chicken finally dragged himself home. I confronted him. The 11:00 news had told the whole story, which was far FAR too horrible to repeat here.

 

To my further shock and horror the rubber chicken demanded that I melt him down to release him from the curse of the Werechicken. I steadfastly refused, saying we would travel the world, searching for a cure. I was not altogether surprised however to find a note later that day saying 'goodbye cruel world'. I arrived at the recycling center too late, and watched helplessly as he dove into the vat of molten rubber.

 

I was highly perturbed.

 

It was just one month later that I was sadly eating a midnight picnic supper under a full moon in the forest , thinking of my long lost friend, when I opened my new tupperware bowl of chicken salad and it leaped out of my hand! "What was this?" I asked, "Bad leftovers?" But then I knew - it was rubber chicken reincarnated!

 

Unfortunately, being melted down had not broken the curse - so now he was weretupperware. But I didn't care, my friend was back. I was so happy.

 

I keep him packed full of rubber bugs in a dark corner of my refrigerator. He is peaceful enough as long as I don't forget NEVER to take him out on full moon nights, though when I say be careful what you open in my refrigerator, I mean it.

 

And that is the end of my story, but not quite. The other night I was out in my broccoli patch, and for a moment I thought I saw something huge and looming, reaching toward me menacingly. But as I turned my head the moon had gone behind a cloud, and all I saw was - broccoli.

 

I don't know if it really was the curse again, but I am ringing my garden with broccolibane, just in case...

 

 

 

~Zool~

 

Ancient, The Pen is Mightier than the Sword.

 

Bard of Terra, Patron Saint of Aspiring Bards.

 

 

Elder than dirt, more foolish than a jester, able to trip over the smallest logic in a single step. It's... Oh, you know.

Edited by: Zool47  at: 4/9/02 10:22:04 am

[Peredhil]

Zool,

 

you're STILL one of my favorite reads.

 

I'm having trouble remembering a creative work of yours that I didn't think, "I wish I'd written something that creative/funny/good."

 

Hugs

 

Keep 'em coming, Big Guy.

[Gyrfalcon]

*Gyr laughs *hard** I love it.

 

*Daryl tries to maintain a straight face as he informs Zool that lycanthropy isn't supposed to be that humorous. He fails, however, and just falls over laughing*

[Gwaihir]

This is hillarious

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I want to be page 93 of Pineapples, the Avian Crows-Nyyark

[Guest Belizean1]

lol

 

Love it.