Monsters!

[MagicianEmpress]

Monsters

 

Munching and crunching in the back of my mind,

Breaking up dreams and spewing some kind

Of nasty ideas and things terribly cruel

That never should be allowed to rule

Dark corners and hallways now out of sight

And taking advantage of somebody's plight

Brewing in darkness things one should hate,

Waiting for one to come take the bait,

To send all the horrid dreams that way

That come in the dark and eat all they may.

Yet all the monsters, bone-crushing and vile,

Can still bring things to make others smile.

For while the dark things roam around,

One must create light to brighten the sound,

To send the dark, evil things fleeing away,

Great heroes are made, with the breaking of day.

Therefore the monsters, cruel as they are,

breaking up dreams and wandering far,

Aren't really so bad, since they let one create

Bright shiny new things to challenge that fate.

[Peredhil]

I like the rhythms and it "feels" satisfying to recite it aloud (one of my poetry tests).

 

Took the liberty of moving it from the Assembly Room (short stories) to the Banquet Hall (poetry)

[MagicianEmpress]

Ah.. Thanks! ...I'm still kinda new at this whole posting things places...

[reverie]

Cool, cool. Trying playing with the stanza arrangement. You can use them as a subtle form of punctuation and emphasis.

 

 

 

Munching and crunching

in the back of my mind,

Breaking up dreams

and spewing some kind

 

Of nasty ideas

and things terribly cruel

that never should be

allowed to (take -- filler world for beat) rule

 

 

Dark corners and hallways

now out of sight

And taking advantage

of somebody's plight

 

Brewing in darkness, things one should hate,

waiting for one, to come take the bait,

 

To send all the horrid dreams that way, (try Weigh)

That come in the dark and eat all (what) they may.

 

Yet all (of) the monsters, bone-crushing and vile, (Hmm, could try this: Bone-Crusher and Vile)

Can still bring (out) things to make others smile.

 

For while the dark things that roam,

do so and abound

One must create light

to brighten the sound,

 

To send the dark evil things fleeing away,

Great heroes are made, with the breaking (dawn stroke) of day.

 

Therefore the monsters, cruel as they are,

breaking up dreams and wandering far,

 

Aren't really so bad, since they let one create

Bright shiny new things to challenge that (Their?) fate.

[Mistress Muse]

I was going to say, play with the rhythm a little... Say, like this:

 

Munching and crunching in the back of my mind,

Breaking up dreams and spewing some kind

Of nasty ideas, and things terribly cruel

Things that should never be allowed to rule

Dark corners, and hallways are now out of sight

And taking advantage of somebody's plight

Brewing in darkness, the things one should hate,

Waiting for someone to come take the bait,

To Then send all the horrid ble dreams that way

That To come in the dark, and eat all they may.

Yet all of the monsters, bone-crushing and vile,

Can still bring about things to make others smile.

For while during the hour when dark things roam around,

One must create lightness to brighten the sound,

To send the dark, evil things fleeing away,

Great heroes are made, with the breaking of day.

switchedà[the monsters] therefore, as cruel as they are,

though breaking up dreams and wandering far,

Aren't really so bad, since they let one create

Bright shiny new things to that can challenge that fate.

 

I added the parts in red, and scored the parts I think could possibly be removed…see what you think.

Edited December 5, 2012 by Mistress Muse

[Mistress Muse]

in other notes; the above post took me no less than 12 edits to get right--and it's still not right. I'm going to go bash my head against a wall now.

[Peredhil]

Part of the problem a highly intelligent and/or creative person has is being able to comprehend perfection, while remaining a fallible being. It sets impossible standards, and fails them, leading to "if only"s. If only I worked a little more, tried a little harder, could get it right.

The average person looks at the mountains of perfection, and sees the base, the trees, the clouded misty heights obscured. They're content to climb the slopes and look back out on life, before returning to it.

But we wordsmiths, (cut us and do we not bleed words?), we ascend to where we can see the thin-aired heights and the stars beyond them, and are every discontented with all we do.

It can lead to a double-standard of excellence, which contains a hidden condescension and arrogance - "50%! Oh that is wonderful [for you, an average person (and it is)]. Me? Oh, I failed again. Only a 96%. I was so close!

[Mistress Muse]

I am never right. I'm wrong all the way through, and proud of it.